Aside from his slapsticky sketch humor and revolving door of celebrity guests, the best thing Snoop has going for him is his total unpredictability. Case in point, this unscripted encounter with Keri Hilson (hey, girl!), in which Snoop tells the "Energy" singer what he'd do if he were ever face-to-face with Simon Cowell on Hip Hop: American Idol.

Snoop: If Simon was a judge on the show that I was on, as an artist trying to get on, I'd make a rap up about him and probably snatch him up out of his tight leather shirt and put hands on him.
Keri Hilson: (speaking in fake British accent): I don't think that is appropriate.
Snoop: Well, let me tell you what IS appropriate, Mr. Simon, since you think you know what is ... (pause) No, some real talk, we need to calm down, I don't want him looking for me, you know what I'm sayin'?

We know what you're sayin'. But FYI, if Simon ever DOES come knocking down your door, we're thinking you (a gangsta rapper and former Long Island Cripp) could probably take him (a tubby/effeminate European) in street fight.

Or even just a staring a contest.

+ American Idol producers seem to think "America loves Paula [Abdul]." We'd argue, if we weren't so soul-crushingly apathetic. (Damn you, Seinfeld, damn you!) (TV Watch)

+ Meanwhile, British children have voted: and they think Simon Cowell's even more famous than God! We'd be willing to bet he's infinitely more recognizable, too. (TV Squad)

+ Breaking: Lipstick Jungle isn't officially canceled yet! Which means there's still at LEAST two more episodes to ogle that hot twentysomething Kirby fellow who never, ever wears a shirt. (E! Online)

+ Good news, ATL lovers! Bravo has just picked up The Real Housewives of Atlanta for a second groundbreaking season. Bring on the crazy! (Usmagazine.com)

+ The Today Show copies Barbara Walters does something completely new and unexpected and offers up their own picks for the 10 Most Fascinating People Top 5 People of 2008. (Psst...our money's still on Obama). (E! Online)

• The Britney Spears "Don't Call It A Comeback" Tour continues! Over the weekend, Brit swung by Simon Cowell's hit U.K. show to perform her latest smash, "Womanizer." Cowell's verdict? "I would literally have her on my show every week for the next 10 years." (Usmagazine.com)

• Oh, and did we mention that Spears (whose MTV doc, Britney: For The Record, aired last night) also spent the weekend ringing in her 27th bday, gracing the covers of Rolling Stone and Glamour and admitting that she's on the lookout for hubby #3? (E! Online)

• Rosie O'Donnell sums up her disastrously overhyped/underwatched variety show in 10 words: "No ratings. bad reviews...yet still – a thrill 4 me." (Rosie's blog)

• Chef Gordon Ramsey may be a jerk -- but he's not a jerk who cheats on his wife. At least, so says chef Gordon Ramsey. (Daily Telegraph - UK, via Us)

• Grey's hot new MD (and Cristina Yang's hot new Replacement Burke) Kevin McKidd might be checking out for a movie deal. Hey, when in Rome ... (E! Online)

• Nickelodeon stars Drake Bell and Josh Peck are celebrating Christmas in style! That is, assuming ugly sweaters are the new black. (Buzzworthy)

• Resident Idol grouch Simon Cowell reportedly gave his now-ex-girlfriend, Terri Seymour, $9 million as a parting gift. And in related news, women everywhere are suddenly extremely open to the idea of dating -- and subsequently not-dating -- Simon Cowell. (MSNBC)

• West Wing fans will be thrilled by Barack Obama's choice for chief of staff. So who's the lucky guy? That would be Rahm Emanuel (a.k.a. Illinois congressman and the real-life inspiration for Josh Lyman). Holy crap, Obama really IS Matt Santos! (Usmagazine.com)

• Susan Lucci was all smiles yesterday when she learned she'd been eliminated from Dancing with the Stars. Because if there's anyone who knows how to lose gracefully, it's 19-time Emmy nominee Susan Lucci. (TV Watch)

• Sad news, Trekkies. CNN didn't really beam will.i.am into the studio to yak it up with Anderson Cooper. (Mediabistro)

• The new 24 trailer makes us even more infatuated with Jack Bauer than we already were. As if that were possible. (TV Squad)

• Former American Idol-er Nikki McKibbin blames grouchy judge Simon Cowell her descent into drugs, depression. (Newsroom)

• Will Ferrell to star on Broadway? His last movie wasn't that bad, was it?? (TV Squad)

• Britney Spears finds a way to make Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass even more awesome than he already is. (Usmagazine.com)

• View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck wishes people would stop confusing her with that other leggy blonde right-winger, Ann Coulter. (E! Online)

• Dancing with the Stars' Toni Braxton is so traumatized over "losing her booty" that she's resorted to eating carbs. On purpose. (TV Watch)

• Grey's Anatomy is promising BIG changes this year! Which is weird, seeing as most of tonight's 2-hour season premiere centers around Meredith Grey and her severe emotional limitations. Again. (NY Daily News)

• Everyone has an opinion about Clay Aiken's super-shocking "I'M GAY" announcement. Especially the most opinionated Idol judge of them all! Professional blowhard, -- Simon Cowell. (MTV)

• Dominico (from Shot at Love and That's Amore!) is still making Italy proud. (Best Week Ever)

• 90210's Shanae Grimes is sorry you've decided to preemptively draw conclusions about her ideal body weight. Also? She would LOVE to do a Gossip Girl crossover episode! We're thinking Chuck Bass wouldn't mind, either. (Usmagazine.com)

• Remember when Spike served those icky spoiled scallops on Top Chef and blamed everyone but himself? Well it turns out life does imitate reality tv art! His D.C. restaurant was just shut down for myriad health code violations. D'oh! (E! Online)

• Only one more week until Matt Saracen returns as the hunky QB on Friday Night Lights!! Unless you don't have DirectTV...in which case, you'll have to wait till 2009 to see him back in spandex. (TV Squad)

• Next time you're having a beer pong tourney, be sure to invite Heidi Montag along. The Hills chick played a few rounds of Beirut with Jamie-Lynn Sigler at a recent Olympic-themed kegger, though eyewitnesses claim Jamie Lynn was totes carrying the team. (Just Jared)

• Meanwhile, got ten minutes? Then grab your barbells and check out Heidi's new "Overdosin'" vid. (Radar)

• Or watch her destroy her beloved Spencer Pratt in a heated game of "Facebreaker." (Multiplayer)

• Kathy Griffin to present at this year's Emmy's? What would Jesus think?? (E! Online)

• Meet ANTM's first ever transsexual contestant! (Perez Hilton)

• Jordin Sparks says she "[had] a crush on Simon before the show." Of course, that was also before they met. (Buzzworthy)

• Carmen Electra really, really enjoyed wrestling Kim Kardashian. (Contact Music)

• Paula Abdul couldn't be more excited about American Idol's newbie judge, Kara DioGuardi! Oh, and did she mention she also (supposedly) launched DioGuardi's career? (E! Online)

• But who is this mysterious Kara DioGuardi person? And how long will it take her to find the comfortable middle ground between Simon the Grouch and Paula the Kiss-Ass? (NYDN)

• And what does Conan O'Brien have to say about all these Idol-related changes? (Entertainment Weekly)

• Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is already gearing up for her big DWTS debut. (People)

• Also: There's still no word on what caused Kelly Osbourne's shiner. (TMZ)

• Michele Elyzabeth, Heather Mills' publicist of the past four years, has finally had enough. After happily abandoning her post, Elyzabeth described her former boss as "impossible." Or, as she put it: "On reflection and given the way I have been treated, I now have sympathy with much of what the British Press has reported about her." Well, okay then! (Usmagazine.com)

• A new AOL television poll confirms that Simon Cowell is America's favorite reality tv villain. (Fox)

• Jack Osbourne's not ready to be back in the paparazzi spotlight just yet. (E! Online)

• Kim Kardashian confirms rumors of her engagement, refuses to confirm or deny rumors of her impending Dancing With the Stars gig. (People)

• On last night's So You Think You Can Dance, America voted to kick off the extraordinarily talented hot guy. Well done, everyone! (Reuters)

• Belated Project Runway recap: Natalie Portman hates asymmetrical dresses, anything not by Zac Posen. (Boston Globe)

Lil Mama, Shane Sparks and JC Chasez admit they're not exactly BFF -- no brushing each other's hair before show tapings -- but they do all share a mutual respect for one another. While we were hoping for a little Randy/Simon/Paula-esque rivalry this season on ABDC, it seems the three-headed beast of judges simply have no off-camera steam to air. In fact, watch the video below to hear Shane Sparks refer to JC as one of the smartest men he's ever met.

Whatever, I'm still holding out for a throwdown between Lil Mama and JC over whose outfit is prettier.