Mondays in Detoxopia are jam-packed with MTV-viewing goodness, not only because I get my weekly insulin treatment in the form of Olivia Palermo, but it also means fun fashion tips! (Sometimes you need to wear something else besides a tee shirt.) Lucky for me, I got a little help from Brody Jenner and Malan Breton from Seasons 2 and 3 of Project Runway on how to wear my new, stylish JENNER JEANS!

Actually, not lucky at all. The whole thing turned out to be a horribly evil prank executed by the unlikely alliance of Brody and Malan! But I guess it was all in good fun. Malan and I ended up chatting about the hideous Jenner jeans and our mutual fascination with Giant Suri Cruise. He was also nice enough to share his deliciously evil laugh with us! Yay, Malan! (Keep your eyes peeled for new Malan goodies in NYC's upcoming Fashion Week, friends!)

Still, it was a day of broken hearts at Detox -- not only was I rejected by Vanessa Simmons during a grueling speed-dating session, but things were also sour in The City. The sub-plot of two barely-known characters caught on fire when there was explosive drama between the couple! And we've secured the raw audio from the tapes...

Tomorrow be sure to check back in when our awesome guest, art-rockin Ponytail, helps us discuss an especially scandalous Double Shot at Love. As my girl Olivia would coo, "Toodles!"

P.S. This is the last time I'll be naked on MTV Detox for awhile. PROMISE.

• According to Katie Couric, Tom Cruise is totes jealous of Today show host Matt Lauer. Why? Because "[Cruise] wants to be the only heterosexual man in the room who everyone thinks is gay." Zing! (CNN)

• Jessica Szohr (a.k.a. Vanessa from Gossip Girl) admits that her character is kinda lame. Sadly, she refuses to discuss the awkward sexual tension between Vanny and Dan Humphrey's dad. (MTV News)

• The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck thinks the media's putting way too much attention on Sarah Palin's designer duds. Oh, and BTW, Palin is totally "not a fashionista." (Obvs, she's a pitbull!) Which explains why "she called Jimmy Choos Johnny Choos" by mistake. D'oh! (Usmagazine.com)

• Project Runway's Tim Gunn joins Speidi, other gay rights activists in standing up for same-sex marriage. (E! Online)

• Recently ousted reality something-or-other Kim Kardashian is betting on Brooke Burke to win this year's Dancing with the Stars. (TV Watch)

+ Paris has always been known for partying it up royally. But we never realized that meant "shaking her ass in front of Prince William." The heiress was spotted cozying up to England's future king -- and his ginger-haired brother, Harry -- at London hotspot Whisky Mist. (The London Paper)

+ Gossip Girl author Cecily von Ziegesar impresses us by admitting Vanessa sucks but disappoints us by confusing The O.C. with a cheesy Baywatch wannabe. (MTV News)

+ Last night's Project Runway finale delivered the winner -- 27-year-old Leanne Marshall -- without the drama. (TV Squad)

+ Nevertheless, abnormally orange Runway castoff Blayne Walsh mustered up an appropriate level of enthusiasm over Leanne's victory. (Usmagazine.com)

+ And there was more than enough drama to be had in the final presidential debate, where poker-faced Barack Obama fended off jab after jab from his incessantly blinking adversary, John McCain. (Gawker)

• In addition to perfecting her Sarah Palin impression, Tina Fey's been busy recruiting A-listers for her hit show, 30 Rock. First Jennifer Aniston, then Oprah, now Salma Hayek? Who's next, the pope? (Gossip Girls)

• Despite having nothing but the utmost respect for Fox News, Elisabeth Hasselbeck denies she's leaving The View. (Usmagazine.com)

• Project Runway sneak peek! Here's a preview of Jerell, Kenley, Korto and Leanne's Bryant Park collections, for those of you with no patience -- and no Getty images subscription. (E! Online)

• Time magazine's picks for the top ten most unnecessary tv spinoffs. And yes, Joey from Friends' short-lived solo project made the cut. (Time via TV Squad)

• Fox 5 news anchor John Roland on why he decided to go commercial. (NY Daily News)

• Jimmy Smits stabbed a stuntman on the set of Dexter when he grabbed a real knife instead of the plastic prop. (Perez Hilton)

• Until now, Celebrity Apprentice has always been sort of a guilty pleasure. But Donald Trump's stepped it up this year by getting hold of some legitimate (albeit minor) celebrities. Joan Rivers...Dennis Rodman...Tom Green?? Holy crap, we've actually heard of these people! (TMZ)

• Opera-singing insurance agent Neal E. Boyd proves America really does have talent. (Usmagazine.com)

• Has Project Runway gotten cattier? We're not sure, but we're kinda loving how Nina Garcia dissed Kenley's dress by saying: "It looks like a reptile, but not in a cool way." (E! Online)

• You don't have to go on a gay cruise to catch Rosie O'Donnell's act anymore - the former View costar just inked a deal to host a one-night only NBC variety show. (Hollywood Reporter)

• Apparently, Aussies don't share our Brenda/Kelly nostalgia. 90210 has been yanked down under after only four measly episodes. (Perez Hilton)

• VMAs host Russell Brand has a new show on Comedy Central! Which still doesn't explain why he's so interested in scoring Sarah Silverman's breast milk. (The Sun - UK)

• Bravo execs make a last ditch effort to stop Heidi Klum and her loyal band of fashionistas from kidnapping Project Runway. (NY Daily News)

• SNL alum Tina Fey reprises her role as small-town-gal turned VP nominee, Sarah Palin. (Usmagazine.com)

• Chuck star Zachary Levi dishes the dirt on his latest co-star...Alf?? (TV Squad)

• A chance to see bonus footage of Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights? Yes, please! (E! Online)

• Breaking: Chandra Wilson (a.k.a. Dr. Bailey) reveals that the cast of Grey's Anatomy are almost as sleep-deprived as their real-life E.R. counterparts. (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Meanwhile, with Addison Shepherd gone, it's time for a new fiery redhead! Introducing...Mary McDonnell. (TV Watch)

• Despite mastering Audrina's wayward stare, actress Charlize Theron says she can't wrap her pretty blonde head around the whole Hills phenom: "I think the girls are beautiful and when they cry their mascara runs and that's real, but I don't get it!" (MTV News)

• Dancing with the Stars premiered last night! Find out who was a stud (i.e. former N*SYNC-er Lance Bass!) and who was a dud (i.e. the corneally-impaired Jeffrey Ross). Yay, voyeurism! (Usmagazine.com)

• Also: learn more about quirky, 82 year-old Oscar-winner (and DWTS contestant) Cloris Leachman and her various old-person afflictions! (TV Watch)

• Introducing....Michael Phelps as Dr. McSwimmy! Yeah, we're not laughing, either. (Mollygood)

• Despite being boring, Dylan McKay-less and prone to triggering eating disorders, the 90210 spinoff has just been picked up for an entire season. Let the slow-moving plotlines and shameless overacting continue! (E! Online)

• Ever wanted to see what Project Runway judge Nina Garcia's face would like if it were "swelled up like a cauliflower?" Well, today's your lucky day! (Scandalist)

• The Hills' Heidi Montag pulls a Frankie Delgado, rings in Part Deux of her 22nd birthday, Vegas-style! (Gossip Girls)

• Plus, the future Mrs. Spencer Pratt reveals that her wedding dress will be a Heidi Montag original! Awww, and here we thought she was gonna shake things up and go with something from the Lauren Conrad Collection! (Just Jared)

• In case you missed it (and odds are you probably did!) here are your Emmy's highlights and lowlights! Emphasis on the latter. (E! Online)

• Ok, fine, all you reeeeally need to know about the Emmy's is this: Tina Fey and 30 Rock won everything. (NY Daily News)

• Lindsay Lohan preemptively hired as guest judge for next season's Project Runway. (TV Squad)

• When did everyone suddenly decide fat was out and lopsided-headed human stick figures were in?? Oh, right. But are the skinny-minis on 90210 deliberately trying to make us feel bad about ourselves? Either way, it's working... (PopWatch)

• Plus, Kelly's babydaddy revealed! We won't say who it is, but we'll give you a hint: He's kind of a brooder! And we totally had a crush on him ever since the first time we heard his answering machine: "Hey, this is Dylan. You know what to do." (Videogum)

• Turns out, not all the girls from America's Next Top Model went back to the local shopping malls from whence they game. NYMag spotted several ANTM alums living the dream at NYC's Fashion Week. (TV Watch)

• Steve Irwin's four-year-old to host his own tv show? Crikey! (Perez Hilton)

• Meanwhile, Steve-O is proving he's not such a Jackass after all. (TMZ)

• Learn how to speak like a bitchy fashionista! This pocket guide will help you perfect your Project Runway diction. (Entertainment Weekly)

+ Actress American Ferrara is angry at shows like Gossip Girl for portraying women as manipulative shrews and thereby "conditioning" girls to be mean. As opposed to, say, educational programing like Ugly Betty, which sends the positive/uplifting message that everyone who works in fashion (except the nerdy executive assistant!) is a conniving, size-zero biotch. (Fox News)

+ Breaking: JLo has dropped out of the Project Runway finale due to some completely unrelated foot injury! Host/mentor/thesaurus Tim Gunn will be taking her place. (Access Hollywood)

+ Meanwhile, Nina Garcia has no frickin' clue what's going on. (E! Online)

+ Next week's 90210 to reveal the identity of Kelly's baby-daddy! (TV Watch)

+ Tyra Banks, Kelly Ripa among New York's best -- and fiercest! -- dressers. (Usmagazine.com)