MTV Remote Control Blog › Open Letter

Dear People's Choice Awards,

Where is your head, and where is your heart? And where is your ratings guide from earlier this year that noted more people tuned in to the "Jersey Shore" Season 4 premiere than any previous premiere in the history of MTV? Your nominations came, and your nominations went, and the kings and queens of Seaside Heights were left behind on the boardwalk. For shame...people. For shame.

Don't you remember when Deena danced off her "underwears?" How about when Mike tangoed with a cement partition? And how could you possibly forget Snooki's Fiat's meeting with a police car? Rather than acknowledge the guido achievement and credit each with nominations for Favorite TV Celebreality Star, though, you cast a light on a Kardashian and the years-later products of "Sister/Sister." Did the "People" elect to see Gene Simmons eclipse the 79th installment of SamRon? Something smells fishy, and it's not just the lemon-crusted striper someone thoughtlessly left on the counter after the last family dinner.

Is Kathy Griffin funny? Sure. And Giuliana Rancic is as endearing as they come. But if you're telling us Pierre didn't attract enough attention to outdo the pair, then hand us the dunce hat, because we must be the morons in all of this.

May you enjoy your award, future recipient. But remember: It's a far fall from grace. We'll see you in the basement this time next year.

Sincerely,

Remote Control

Note: The views expressed in this completely reasonable and warranted open letter are not necessarily those held by MTV or MTV.com. But if they aren't, they probably should be.

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Lissa had a tough episode last week on "Awkward." Jake dished about kissing Jenna in front of the entire school, she didn't get her no-carb chocolate ice cream and then she got dumped. Ugh. Sounds like our favorite airhead could use a few life changes after such a bummer series of events. Luckily, we're here to help, and what better way than with a 'Carefrontation' letter? As some wise person once said (Matty?), "You've got to be cruel to be kind."

Dear Lissa,

As you are now, you could disappear and everyone would go, "Hey! Where did that blonde ditzy girl who lost her boyfriend to Jenna Hamilton go?" If you want to be remembered as a real person and not just as Sadie's goofy sidekick, you need to take control of your life.

1.) Stand up to Sadie! This meanie is not as tough as she seems. Start thinking for yourself (we know it's hard), and you may find things working out more often.

Read more...

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Ronnie DOES NOT do anything inappropriate or argument-worthy at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas on Sunday.

Dear Sammi,

We'll concede: He's not putting in hours at the soup kitchen or organizing a walk for the March of Dimes. But please, before you aim your itchy trigger finger, just hear us out. It's not what it looks like.

Yes, your on again/off again boyfriend, with whom you've recently reconciled, is at a pool in Las Vegas (like the rest of your "Jersey Shore" buddies) touching bare skin with a girl whose rack is erupting out of her flamingo bikini. And yes, another girl looks to be whispering secrets into Ronnie's ears not even the trashiest mesh hat that reads "Rehab" could contain. But maybe the first had cold wrists, and it's entirely possible the second had pressing questions about diving boards.

At least entertain the idea.

Read more...

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On Tuesday, Abercrombie & Fitch, the clothing company that made oodles of cash selling "Fitchuation" T-shirts to American youth, released a public statement offering "substantial payment" to MTV's "Jersey Shore" cast members, specifically Mike "The Situation," to refrain from wearing their merchandise.

"We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans," an A&F spokesperson said in the statement.

It pains us to have elicited concern that our talent's choice of leisurewear would in any way harm A&F fans, but now we have our own concern: If the "Jersey Shore" cast should stop wearing the brand, does that mean those same fans--the ones who love nothing more than to curl up in their A&F sweats every Thursday night to watch their favorite show--should stop wearing it as well? Being pantless might cause them some real distress.

Oh, Abercrombie, what kind of snowball hath y'all set in motion?

We hate to add to the avalanche of publicity that A&F is currently eating up at the expense of our innocent reality TV icons (who declined to comment because they were too busy getting more famous)--mostly because that was the whole point of this shenanigan, wasn't it?--but we're all family here at MTV, and no one messes with our "Situation." There are plenty of neon sweatpants in the sea of franchised fashion, so we encourage him to take the money. And donate it all to Ed Hardy.

Mike, you look better naked anyway.

"The Situation" wears A&F sweats while flirting with Snooki on Episode 2 of "Jersey Shore."

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Dear Awkward Jenna,

We barely know you yet--we only met you yesterday in the "Awkward" trailer--but we just wanted to write a quick note to say that we already think we love you. (Sorry if that just made you feel even more awkward, we don't love love you in the romantic sense. We love you like the kinda friend we'd let borrow our deodorant...er, we probably should've just said that we like you a lot.) Here's why:

We like you a lot because you stand out like a sore thumb arm for all the wrong reasons, and we know a thing or two about that.

We like you a lot because we know what it's like to be infatuated with a gutless d-bag (too harsh? the verdict's still out on him) even though we're highly logical in all other areas of our life.

We like you a lot because the actress who plays you also once played Brooke Davis' foster daughter on "One Tree Hill," and that's a surrriously good show, even though watching Stephen Colletti in the romantic scenes makes us feel uncomfortable, as if he's cheating on LC or K-Cav.

We like you a lot because you've got a dark sense of humor but still remain hopeful about life beyond your suffocating high school hallways.

We like you a lot because you have no idea just how pretty and cool you really are.

We like you a lot because you don't necessarily like yourself enough yet. We want you to learn that you're likable, so we'll do it for you until you can do it for yourself.

Oh, to hell with it...We LOVE you because pretty much every thought that circulates through that big brain of yours, every feeling that wells up in that big heart of yours, we've had before.

We LOVE you because you are us, or rather, we were once you. (FYI: This is a good thing. We're very awesome.)

Welcome to the hood, Jenna! We look forward to seeing you on a weekly basis starting Tuesday, July 19 at 11/10c.

With Lotsa Like and Even Some Love Too,

Remote Control

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Dear Marci,

You’ve got guts. Here’s why:

1. You replaced a lifetime of self-destructive habits with positive ones.
2. You let go of the opinions of those who hurt you and found your strength.
3. You spent 89 days side-by-side with the gorgeous Justin Bradshaw, and you didn’t swoon once.

Except for that last part, I achieved those same things in the months before my freshman year of college. I made the decision to revolt against 18 years of eating junk food and loafing around with no help or support from anyone. Like you, my whole life I'd been hiding my self-confidence and the body I considered ugly behind a mound of textbooks and straight A's, going so far as to skip prom. But unlike you, even after I dropped from 199 to 118 pounds before school started, I still isolated myself.

You see, once I finally made it into size 1 jeans, I was never going to let anything make me fat again. So I worked out on my elliptical for two hours a day. I subsisted on romaine lettuce and yogurt. I worked up the nerve to go to one high school graduation party, but it sort of turned out the way your lunch with Heather did--so much food that could endanger my progress surrounded me in the outside world. Afterward, I refused to go out for the rest of the summer. I ended up isolating myself more for being skinny than I did for being fat, and it was hell. Thankfully, moving away from home helped me overcome that.

My first semester of college, no surprise, was insane. I was surrounded by so much food and so many great people. I thank my lucky stars that I had the strength to find myself a balance, but watching your story on "I Used to Be Fat" last night was a great reminder to keep me on the right track. Thank you especially for:

--Reminding me that with enough hard work and self-control anyone can lose weight, whether it’s nine pounds or 90.
--Treating your mother so well. It’s so easy for me to want to blame my mom for a lifetime of bad eating and its repercussions, but you made me remember that our moms only tried to do what was best for us, that they wanted to be our best friends when no one else did.
--Maybe most important, thank you for sharing your ordeal with the whole freaking world. That takes bravery beyond belief.

When you get frustrated, watch your episode of "I Used to Be Fat" and see all the strength you have: No matter how much weight you shed, you will never lose that. And then shoot Justin a thank-you email.

All the Best,

Holly

P.S. Let’s do lunch sometime. I’m thinking Whole Foods, but I’ll let you decide.

Holly, a student at Emerson College, writes for CollegeCandy.com, an online lifestyle magazine for college women covering everything from grades and gossip to fashion and relationships. Find out more about her and the other 100 CollegeCandy writers.

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Dear The Situation:

We here at Remote Control are always game to see how one of your random hook-ups comes about -- by definition, TV bloggers are voyeurs who take pleasure in witnessing the lowdown, trashy escapades of others. But we were a little disappointed by the MVP team's Extract the Grenade strategy on last night's episode of "Jersey Shore."

Don't get us wrong -- we've got no problem with the fact that you didn't offer those what's-their-names a tour of the house, or a glass of water, before directing them straight to your twin beds. We didn't even blink when you promptly kicked them out at sunrise with a "Great meeting you" and weak hug. Those chicks knew exactly what they were getting themselves into when they agreed to come to the house -- it's no secret y'all keep a Smush Scoreboard that details all your conquests. What really got our goat is twofold: That girl you tucked into bed because she wasn't up to your physical standards? 1) She was cute! And 2) Forgive us, but wasn't she the one who wanted to hit the hay, and hardly seemed interested in your goodies? Didn't she reject you first?

The impression we got after watching your plan play out is that any girl who's not all up in your junk gets called a grenade, and we think that's pretty lame.

Mike (and please feel free to pass along the message to your accomplices, Pauly D and Vinny): As usual, we got a kick outta all the theatrics, and we're looking forward to seeing more next week. We're just hoping you stop labeling self-respecting women who CHOOSE to sleep alone as hippos.

Sincerely,

RC

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Dear Kristin,

First, let us preface this open letter with a compliment (because we've learned over time that the most effective way to get through to a woman mired in her ways is to butter her up first). We like you, Kristin Cavallari. We really do. Our favorite season of "Laguna Beach" was the one you narrated -- you spoke your mind, did what you pleased and always seemed to emerge victorious. Stephen Colletti was total putty in your hands.

Now for the hard stuff.

Kristin, your skin is thinning. We never would have took you for a gal who could so easily get her emotions mixed up in a friends with benefits-type situation, but it's definitely happened. And we're here to talk you off the ledge, so listen up and listen hard.

You're K-Cav, you don't wait around for dudes. Especially not exes who have a history of dicking you around. Go let Brody be gaga for Avril Lavigne and finally be done with him. Live it up in L.A. -- you're beautiful, famous and smart, so set your standards high and stop looking for love at dive bars. And maybe stop fighting at them, too. Who is Allie Lutz to you? You're Coral K-Cav, you eat bitches like that for breakfast -- but by now we all get the point and think 23 is a respectable age to retire from public shouting matches. Say you'll consider it?

We know this is a lot to take in (slash we never want to be on the receiving end of your yet-to-be tamed rage), so we'll end this letter with one final thought: Kristin Cavallari, you deserve a dude who's gonna treat you like gold, as every girl does. Stop settling for less.

Sincerely,

Remote Control

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Dear Theresa,

This is difficult for us to say, cuz we both belong to the same kickass gender and all -- plus, we think you're an awfully nice person -- but here's the prob: Ya kinda need to STFU about wanting to hook up with Kenny Wes. He's heard the news (everyone in Whistler has), and it's not like dude's wetting his pants. Let's face it: A 'sure thing' isn't enticing, especially to the competitive type like Wes. So ... here are a few homegrown suggestions for how to get the guy without making yourself look shallow and desperate.

1) Ever heard of playing hard to get? We're not saying you have to go that far (we know, it's lonely up in the mountains, and a man's thermal underwear can be such an aphrodisiac), but how about you start off the flirtation with something closer to less easy to get? You don't need to paint sexual innuendo on your forehead to git some in your pants.

2) Stop asking everyone in the house for advice on who to hit on. Neither Wes or Kenny have wasted more than two minutes talking about you.

3) No more assuming that either guy will care whether you want him or not. Yes, you're pretty. But pretty girls are a dime a dozen. Win a Challenge (or just try to be athletic) -- that's bound to peak their interest more.

4) Go for a stand-up guy, like Landon. Kenny and Wes will destroy your soul.

Guess that's all (for now). Again, it wasn't easy for us to write such harsh stuff ... but ladies need to look out for each other and make sure everyone's reppin' true. Do us proud, Theresa.

Sincerely,

Remote Control

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Dear Audrina,

First off, congrats on (finally!) breaking it off with Justin Bobby! It took a couple of tries, but now you're finally free to meet someone who really understands you. Someone who uses polysyllabic words! Someone who loves bobbing his head at the weird shows and doesn't run away screaming at the the word "commitment".

Anyhow, you're single and ready to mingle. (Just like Beyonce would've wanted.) And while we fully support that, we're thinking you might've made a slight mistake by going on your first official post-Justin date with ... Justin's best friend in the whole entire world.

We know, we know, you told Derek you didn't want to talk about you-know-who (and his you-know-what'ercyle) but the fact is, you only KNOW each other because of JB. Which means, even if you and Derek DO hit it off, you'll constantly be reminded of his belching, shirtless overalls-wearing, Kristin Cavallari-dating BFF.

Read more...

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