(Photo: Usmagazine.com)

Heidi's mom, Darlene Egelhoff, never really warmed up to Spencer Pratt. Sure, they had that awkward lunch/bonding sesh (where she called her daughter's then-fiance "manipulative" and "condescending"), and then there was the time she and her hubby gave Spence the silent treatment (when he surprised Heidi by following her to Colorado), but somehow, in between all the name-calling (Spencer thoughtfully nicknamed Darlene "Stalker Mom"), they never really found time to have that "So ... we're gonna be related someday!" heart-to-heart.

And now that Spencer's gone off and eloped with her baby girl, Mama Montag's wasted no time denouncing the couple's marriage -- and giving their holy matrimony a six-month expiration date -- in the new issue of Us Weekly. (Because nothing says "Welcome to the family" like calling your brand-new son-in-law a super-possessive control freak!)

Read more...

"I don't know who I dislike more," Spencer confided to Stephanie on tonight's Hills. "Heidi's sister or her mom." Yikes. Thing is, that wasn't the least of what he had to say about his future in-laws. After coining cheery new nicknames for Heidi's fam ("Stalker Mom" for Darlene and "Mooch of the Century" for unemployed sister Holly) Spencer presented Heidi with an uncomfortable ultimatum: "Either [Holly] moves out, or I move out."

True, it was kinda harsh to make Heidi choose between her sister and her boyfriend, but nobody put a gun to Heidi's head -- she's the one who ultimately decided to evict Holly from Casa de Speidi. And say what you will about Spencer (according to Stalker Mom, the words "controlling" and "manipulative" come to mind) but Heidi's not exactly the master of confrontation. And at some point, doesn't the responsibility have to fall on her teeny tiny (and perfectly bronzed) shoulders?

You tell us: Is Spencer wrong for telling Heidi how to live, who to live with and who her real friends are? Or is Heidi wrong for letting him? Take our poll and tell us whether Little Miss Montag should stop standing up for her man -- and start standing up TO him. (It's like the Hills' version of "Choose Your Own Adventure!")

+ Not happy with these options? Leave a comment and tell us what you think Heidi should've done on tonight's Hills.

Was it just me, or was everyone on last night's Hills in full-on PMS mode? Between the Doug-Stephanie-Lauren love triangle and the Spencer/MILF Montag showdown, it was like a big ball of "Holy, inappropriate!" exploded onto the set. So whose behavior was the most out of control? You tell us!

Last night, Spencer wooed Mama Montag by telling her that he really digs having Holly around the house.  Except replace the word "wooed" with "annoyed" and the phrase "digs having Holly around the house" with "totally wants Holly gone." And next week, Montag-Pratt relations appear to be at an all-time low.

Remember when we hinted at a possible Lauren-Heidi reconciliation? Well, looks as though Holly's using her sisterly wiles to push Heidi in that direction. Naturally, Spencer (who's inherently against all things LC) won't go down without a fight, which means he's taken to shushing -- and Heidi's back to her (unofficial) role as household referee. Will it ever end?

And while Lauren and Whitney are off overanalyzing Heidi's motives, Audrina's out asserting her independence -- and (gulp!) discovering there's a big ol' world outside of Justin Bobby.

So check out these scenes from next week's Hills and then riddle me this: If everyone's so concerned about what's best for Heidi, why don't they stop fighting long enough to ask her what she wants?

Tonight's Hills episode was chock full of useful information! So I've taken the liberty of deconstructing the episode and breaking it down into valuable life lessons on love, relationships and party etiquette. First up, a 3-step guide to romancing the ladies.

Step 1: Tell the girl you're sort-of dating that you'll totally have her back if your ex (a.k.a. her friend) gives either of you any trouble.
Step 2: At the first hint of trouble, immediately throw her under the bus by describing her as a "lost puppy" and reiterating that you were sooooo not interested.
Step 3: If backpedaling fails, there's always Plan B: Switch gears by getting inappropriately self-righteous. Then, bring it all home by angrily dismissing your last girlfriend as an "ex-fling."

Next up, 3 useful tips on how to throw the perfect party.

Tip 1: Find new and inventive ways to introduce yourself to pretty girls (like by cannon-balling into the water and ruining their makeup, sundresses and hand-held electronic devices).
Tip 2: Inject some new life into the party by using it as an opportunity to air your dirty laundry. Nothing says "good times" like telling off that girl you hate in front of everyone she knows.
Tip 3: Bring friends who have absolutely nothing in common -- besides you. Got a work colleague who hates getting her hair wet? Sounds like your shady ex-boyfriend's pool party is just the ticket!

And finally, a step-by-step guide to impressing your future mother-in-law.

Read more...