Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you have to get pink eye. What?? Let me explain!

Things got pretty real on this week's wacky (and at times, thanks to Ryan's "Tampon Song," unhygienic) episode of the RW: Brooklyn. Originally we'd planned for an awesome band to come by and visit me in the United States of Detox, but unfortunately their green cards were out of order and they were denied passports to my land of fun and magic. (In other words, they had car trouble.) Fortunately, the Gods of Awesome blessed us in the form of a visit from Pink Eyes, singer of the great Matador Records' band F**ked Up! (They might be banned by MTV Canada, but MTV Detox isn't chicken sh*t like our neighbors to the north.) So not only did we write IMHO the best song of 2009 (in your face, Animal Collective!) but we also had one of the most fun Detox shoots yet. Thanks to one of our writers, Adam Baran, for making it all possible! Weeee!

We were also introduced to some new, great anthropomorphisized characters because sometimes talking to cardboard cutouts just isn't enough. Shout out to super P.A. Adam Murphy for contorting his body into the Machine costume. He may have complained about how uncomfortable it was, but he was the one to design it. Just sayin'.

Speaking of cutouts, my dear friend Barbara Walters (channeling Devyn from this week's episode of Real World) introduced me to THE BFF-O-METER! A BFF-o-meter, for those who don't know, is a useful tool when one needs to measure the proximity of intimacy between friends. Kind of like a mood-ring but for buddies.

Anyway, that's enough talk from me. Check out tonight's MTV Detox for drama, excitement and, oh yeah, the world premiere of the brand new single: Pink Eyes + Jim Cantiello's "Sanitary Napkin!"