• Playboy founder Hugh Hefner sees Britney Spears' wholesome family Christmas card, and raises her two topless twins. Because nothing says "Merry Christmukkah" quite like two naked chicks posing with an octogenarian porn peddler. 'Tis the season! (HuffPo)

• Meanwhile, Hef's ex, Holly Madison, says she plans to propose to her new illusionist boyfriend, Criss Angel. Levitation ... it gets the ladies every time! Well, that and not being old enough to need a catheter. (Usmagazine.com)

• Courteney Cox says she comes from a broken home and she and hubby David Arquette ain't gettin' no dee-vorce. Got that? (Usmagazine.com)

• Funnylady Amy Poehler put on her thinking cap and came up with these homemade webisodes of Smart Girls At The Party, a web-only series that reminds us of The View, only with prepubescent girls instead of Elisabeth Hasselbeck. (E! Online)

• NBC is reportedly having trouble unloading those obscenely-priced Super Bowl ads this year. On the plus side, this means we might actually go five minutes without seeing that annoying dude from the FreeCreditReport.com commercials. Score! (Yahoo! News, via TV Squad)

• Girls Next Door star Holly Madison gives us icky mental pictures (and ickier real-life pictures) of her swapping spit with her new Albino boyfriend, Criss Angel. (Scandalist)

• Steve Martin has just been announced as 30 Rock's latest desperate ploy for ratings celeb guest star. Hooray! (E! Online)

• Sarah Palin pardons one lucky Wasilla turkey while the bird's not-so-lucky brethren meet an untimely death at the slaughterhouse. Also, peep that (newly purchased?) Burberry scarf! (BuzzFeed)

• Kathie Lee Gifford is the best/worst Today Show host ever! (Defamer)

• Ashley Dupre's belated heart-to-heart with Diane Sawyer makes us nostalgic for the days when "Client 9" jokes were all the rage. (Gawker)

• Apparently, big stars don't always translate into big ratings (**except when your name is Oprah). Jennifer Aniston's episode of 30 Rock was the sitcom's lowest rated show this season. (E! Online)

• Rosie O'Donnell says she'd love to share a brewsky with Sarah Palin! But that doesn't mean O'Donnell wanted Palin anywhere near the Oval Office. "If [John] McCain won," says the former View cohost, "I would be in the depression unit of the ICU." (Usmagazine.com)

• MADE coach-turned-Bachelorette ex Jesse Csincsak says he and DeAnna Pappas are still friends despite the whole not-getting-married thing. But for now, he's taking things "one day at a time." (OK!)

• Holly Madison on stepping on her sugar daddy/employer Hugh Hefner with creepy magician/boyfriend Criss Angel: "I thought I'd be fired!" (Scandalist)

• Rumor has it Eliot Spitzer's callgirl, Ashley Dupre, may have had an on-camera heart-to-heart with Diane Sawyer. Hope she wasn't charging ABC by the hour! (Gawker)

• Apparently, Kim Cattrall's SATC sequel talk was all a bit premature. "I'm thrilled to know Kim is excited, but all the deals are not yet done," sez series star Sarah Jessica Parker. Hmm, guess Samantha just got Carrie-d away? (Access Hollywood)

• SNL's Kenan Thompson doesn't think Tina Fey will be reprising her role as Sarah Palin. At least, not until, oh, 2012... (OMG! Yahoo!)

• Mr. Man has a name! Sam Perry, best known as The Guy Who Oprah Snotted All Over During Obama's Acceptance Speech, swung by Oprah's show the other day to send her a dry-cleaning bill tell her he had no hard feelings. (Usmagazine.com)

• Meanwhile, Oprah's bathroom shocker! The talk show host describes her first ev Port-A-Potty experience. (Dlisted)

• Holly Madison and Criss Angel continue to flaunt their newfound coupledom in front of our faces. (E! Online)

• Also?? Fellow Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to a football star! Guess her pretending-to-be-Hef's-girlfriend contract was up, too. (Yahoo! News)

(Photo: ABC)

• Less than one week after Cally's new girlfriend compared their hot, between-the-sheets action to "getting glasses" comes word that Dr. Erica Hahn will be checking out of Seattle Grace hospital... permanently. Hmm, guess a good lesbian relationship is hard to find -- and even harder to keep -- on a ratings-challenged primetime show. (E! Online)

• And speaking of Grey's, is The Simpsons' Nelson Muntz the new Isaiah Washington?? (TMZ)

• Three reasons why comedienne Kathy Griffin sez she'd never do Dancing with the Stars: "Number one, I can’t even touch my toes. Number two, I don’t get along with others so I’d probably fire my partner. And number three, I am busy telling d— jokes and I cannot spend my time dancing. I have a lot of celebrities to offend and I need to stay focused." (People)

• It's official! Playboy bunny Holly Madison has dumped her creepy older man, Hugh Hefner for a creepy younger man: Criss Angel. Congrats? (E! Online)

• And finally, some unsolicited advice for Saturday Night Live's Kristen Wiig: Keep working on your Elisabeth Hasselbeck. (TV Squad)

• The Osbournes take a cue from The Osmonds...and sign on for a 6-episode variety show deal with Fox. Let the pre-scripted zaniness begin! (Variety)

• Former "reality" star Pam Anderson juggling between former hubby/co-star Tommy Lee and androgynous wand-waver Criss Angel. (PerezHilton)

• Tila Tequila may have had her heart broken on the Shot at Love 2 finale, but The Bachelor's Andrew Firestone proves there's love after reality tv. (Usmagazine.com)

• So You Think You Can Dance loses another couple: The blonde short-haired girl and the sort-of creepy guy with the giant torso. (Reality TV World)

• Joey and The Chosen One to return for the Real World: Hollywood reunion? (Buddy TV)