• Jodie Sweetin's ex-hubby is claiming the former Full House star is an unfit mother who occasionally drives drunk. In the words of the inimitable Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!" (TMZ)

• Taylor Swift admits that Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford is her dream date, thereby giving us a clear shot at Chuck Bass. Hands off, girls -- he's ours. (Usmagazine.com)

• Former Saved by the Bell star Tiffani Thiessen (better known as Kelly Kapowski) is not, we repeat, not expecting kids anytime soon. So hold off on the MILF jokes -- at least until we hear otherwise. (Hollyscoop)

• Paula Abdul continues to blast the American Idol producers, either because she's really angry with them or because she's trying to negotiate a better contract for herself. Possibly both. (Boston.com)

• Biggest Loser's Vicky Vilcan is sorry you think she's a beyotch. But she can't help it if you're wrong. (TV Watch)

+ Former Nanny star Fran Drescher has announced that she'll be making a play for Hillary Clinton's soon-to-be-vacant Senate seat. When reached for comment, California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger replied "Zat ees da craziest zheeng I eva heard." (USA Today)

+ Not long after Chuck Bass and Vanessa Whatsherface's alleged airport smoochfest comes word that Nate Archibald is gettin' it on with Jenny Humphrey. Well played, Little J! (Page Six)

+Meanwhile, elsewhere in Unsubstantiated Rumorville, Gossip Girl Serena Van der Woodsen was reportedly spotted swapping spit with someone other than her real-life bf, Dan Humphrey. Nooooooo! (E! Online)

+ Lance Bass' ex-dancing partner, Lacey Schwimmer, says she'd love to tango with Jackass' Steve-O on next season's Dancing With the Stars. "I would be totally down to dance with him!" Schwimmer says of the man best known for dropping trou on the red carpet (and taking a stapler to his you-know-what.) "I'm not kidding," she insists. (Usmagazine.com)

+ Bachelorette reject Jason Mesnick (who stars on the upcoming season of ABC's The Bachelor) says he's finally found his happy reality tv ending. "I'm engaged!" Mesnick revealed. "I'm completely in love. I can't believe it's this great." (TV Watch)

• Lost's Josh Holloway (a.k.a. Sawyer, a.k.a. our the love of our primetime tv lives) is becoming a baby daddy! We wish the proud papa-to-be (and his ridiculously lucky wife of 4 years) all the best. (Access Hollywood)

• T.R. Knight (who plays Dr. George O'Malley on Grey's Anatomy) denies persistent rumors that he's being written out the show a la Isaiah Washington. Hey, isn't karma weird?? (Usmagazine.com)

• Oprah Winfrey admits that she hasn't been watching her girlish figure lately -- and reveals that her current weight is up to 200 pounds. "I'm embarrassed," she writes in the new O magazine. "I look at my thinner self and think, 'How did I let this happen again?'" (Associated Press)

• OMFG, Chuck Bass isn't seriously going to fall to his death while holding a bottle of liquor (just like annoying Surfer Boy Johnny did in that other Josh Schwartz series!) is he? IS HE??? (E! Online)

• Conan O'Brien may be taking over Tonight Show hosting duties for Jay Leno, but the prominently chinned comedian has reportedly inked a deal with NBC to do a nightly 10pm variety show -- like The Tonight Show, only earlier! (NY Times)

• "Rogue" governor (and possible 2012 presidential nominee??) Sarah Palin teared up during Senator John McCain's concession speech. Elsewhere, talk show host/Obamama Oprah Winfrey was reportedly "vibrating" with happiness over Barack's victory. Not to mention openly weeping. (Stereohyped)

• We always knew Chuck Bass was a sure thing -- but we had no idea he was also a SHOE thing. Either way, Ed Westwick's officially the new face (foot??) of K-Swiss! (Just Jared)

• Meanwhile, on this week's Gossip Girl, Little J. learns that the secret to instant tabloid notoriety is crashing a boring old-person party with Marissa Cooper's younger sis. (Gawker)

• Dr. McDreamy is super sad that his co-star, Brooke Smith was abruptly fired from Grey's Anatomy. That said, Patrick Dempsey's crazy Freudian slip made this sappy spot on Ellen a whole lot more interesting. (TV Watch)

• Plus, check out this sneak-peek of Dr. Erica Hahn's last ever episode of Grey's Anatomy. (E! Online)

• CNN's techies finally got to live out their Star Wars fantasies last night when they beamed in Will.i.am (Princess Leia style!) during the election coverage for no reason whatsoever. (Best Week Ever)

• Despite the fact that Chuck Bass (and, by extension, Ed Westwick) is the epitome of awesomeness, it appears that some women are impervious to his (their?) charms. And by "some" we mean a certain "leggy brunette" who (inexplicably!) responded to Westwick's persistent overtures by turning around and shouting "All right - enough out of you!" (NY Daily News)

• "Which Gossip Guy would you date?" Usmagazine.com wants to know. Your options are (a) Chuck, (b) Nate or (c) Dan, although we would have added in a fourth choice: (d) Does it even matter? (Usmagazine.com)

• Hot-but-unknown actor Luke Grimes is reportedly in talks to pay William Walker's illegitimate son, Ryan on Brothers & Sisters. (E! Online)

• Meanwhile, what's up with all the celeb cameos this year? This week in sitcom-land, Nicole Richie guest-stars on Chuck, Lindsay Lohan reprises her role as Ugly Betty's high school nemesis and Katie Holmes drops in on Eli Stone. (Philly.com)

• Speaking of which, Sarah Palin's guest-appearance on this weekend's SNL yielded the show's highest ratings in over a decade. Presumably, this has something to do with Palin's influence over the elusive Joe Six-Pack demographic. (WaPo)

• Former American Idol-er Nikki McKibbin blames grouchy judge Simon Cowell her descent into drugs, depression. (Newsroom)

• Will Ferrell to star on Broadway? His last movie wasn't that bad, was it?? (TV Squad)

• Britney Spears finds a way to make Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass even more awesome than he already is. (Usmagazine.com)

• View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck wishes people would stop confusing her with that other leggy blonde right-winger, Ann Coulter. (E! Online)

• Dancing with the Stars' Toni Braxton is so traumatized over "losing her booty" that she's resorted to eating carbs. On purpose. (TV Watch)

• Tina Fey returns to SNL to play Alaskan MILF/vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Not surprisingly, no hair/makeup changes were required. (NY Daily News)

• Cindy McCain has an epiphany of sorts, leading her to acknowledge something we realized several years ago: The View is a terrible, terrible show. (Usmagazine.com)

• Rumor has it there's a diva on the new 90210 set. And this time, it's not Shannen Doherty. (NY Post)

• Is Gossip Girls' Blair Waldorf powerless to resist that "Bass-hole?" (TV Watch)

• Kathy Griffin takes home her second Emmy for My Life on the D-List, while Sarah Silverman inexplicably wins some sort of made-up award for her passionate video love ballad, "I'm F---ing Matt Damon." (PopWatch)