Well, now that Brody Jenner's back with Jayde Nicole (and Kristin Cavallari's back to being single), it's time for K-Cav and Stacie to get outta this two-boy town -- and spend a drama-free weekend in Vegas, baby! At least, that WAS the plan ... 'til Justin Bobby showed up for a surprise visit.

Fortunately, K-Cav's a sucker for the grand romantic gesture and, before long, she and JB are sharing a hotel room locking lips and making sure word of their little Sin City adventure slowly trickles back to L.A. (and Audrina Patridge). But will their vacation fling lead to something more? Watch as K-Cav and Justin's fun night out quickly devolves into a high stakes morning after. Hey, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas...

Put two sworn enemies known for PDC (Public Displays of Clawing) together in a darkly lit room, add a few cocktails, then cue the conversation about their shared ex-boyfriend. Whaddya got? Some of the boldest, bitchiest insults and accusations ever slung in Hills history. And though we're always up for a good catfight, something in us couldn't help from wondering how Kristin Cavallari and Jayde Nicole's confrontation during last night's episode would have gone down if either of them had practiced some manners. Below, we've written up a hypothetical what-could-have-been if the girls had prepared for co-starring on The Hills by first attending Charm School, or say, met for tea and crumpets instead of Grey Goose and soda.

PART I
What happened: To begin the discussion, Jayde got straight to the point and said to Kristin, "Obviously, you don't want to be here. I don't want to be here either, but I had to call you just to figure out what is going on."

What could have happened: Jayde preceded what was sure to be a tough discussion by offering up a pleasantry: "That's a pretty outfit, Kristin. I'm sorry we're meeting under such lousy circumstances, but I felt it was important to speak face to face."
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We've seen a lotta heartbreak on The Hills over the years. And watching Brody give Kristin the heave-ho tonight got us thinking about what helped us through our real-life breakups. Since we can't messenger over a pre-worn Juicy sweatsuit (and a half-empty box of mint chocolate chip ice cream), we've decided to give K-Cav and the gang the next best thing: a breakup playlist! Check it out, and read on to find out the perfect sad/angry/emo song for all your romantic foibles!

Situation: Your best friend (and former roomie) just moved in with that guy you hate
Your mood: Bitter and judgmental
Your ideal song: Something know-it-ally and disapproving. Our pick: Joe Jackson's "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" followed by Justin Timberlake's ultimate karma-is-a-bitch song, "What Goes Around Comes Around" and Beyonce's TTYN ballad, "To The Left."
Recommended dosage: Constant repeat. What, it's not like there's anyone around to hear it? (SNIFF!)

Situation: Your ex is STILL a commitment-phobic jerkwad.
Your mood: Furious ... but kinda turned on?
Your ideal song: Something loud that plays into your anger issues, like Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows" or The Ting Tings' "Shut Up And  Let Me Go." After about a week or so, you can fall back into your old ways with Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" and Sheryl Crow's "My Favorite Mistake."
Recommended dosage: Once an hour, or until you stop mistaking every greasy-haired motorcycle guy for your ex.

Situation: Your ex is already dating someone else
Your mood: Psychotically jealous
Your ideal song: Something scary intense and extremely self-righteous. Hands down, we gotta go with Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know," but feel free to sulk/plot your revenge with Kanye West's "Heartless," Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" and Paramore's "Misery Business"
Recommended dosage: Twice daily. Works best if you listen first thing in the morning and right before you go to bed. (Warning: Discontinue usage IMMEDIATELY if you start having not-so-family-friendly thoughts about Joey from Full House).

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We've always had a thing for guys with mustaches. The way we see it, a little facial fuzz adds a degree of rugged masculinity, and bumps everyone ('cept Yosemite Sam and Burt Reynolds) up a notch or two on the attractiveness scale. On the other hand, we're not sure we're ready to stop staring at Brody Jenner, admiring his boyish good looks and pretending he's our high school boyfriend (not so easy to do now that dude's gone out and grown himself some chin hair)!

And since we're having trouble deciding between beard or no-beard, we thought we'd put it up to a poll and let you guys decide. Do you like the Brodester better as a baby-faced man child? Or as an outdoorsy hottie who may or may not reek of Old Spice? Take a look at these before-and-after pix then tell us whether you think Brody's sexy n' scruffy -- or a total beardo!

Heidi nearly ripped her hubby's head off when she found out he'd planned to go in for a vasectomy without even giving her a heads-up. 'Course, time heals all wounds, so it probsies won't be long before she and Spencer can look back and laugh about the time he almost got his tubes tied ... right? Wrong.

Turns out, Mrs. Pratt's still pretty bent outta shape about her spouse's major betrayal of trust. And since open communication is the foundation of every relationship, she's decided to show him the dangers of lying by omission (i.e. by getting herself knocked up before Spencer even knows what hit him).

Watch as Heidi tries to turn her husband into a human sperm donor while Jayde decides it's time she and Kristin had another friendly little chat about the Brodester. Plus, find out what Jayde's been telling Brody behind K-Cav's back (and why Justin's still leaving Kristin voicemails!) on next week's all-new/extra scandy edition of The Hills.

Kristin Cavallari doesn't seem to regret kicking Justin Bobby to the curb. Instead of waiting by the phone for him to call (or send another hilarious joke text), she was out at da club, canoodling with Brody Jenner ... and getting into it with Jayde and her Playboy posse. And since she and Audrina Patridge aren't exactly besties these days ('member the birthday blowout?) K-Cav sez she found out about 'Drina getting dumped the same way the rest of us did: by watching last night's Hills!

So what was it like seeing her Hills rival get her heart broken? Last night, Kristin dropped by the After Show (via satellite) to discuss Justin's breakup bombshell, settle the Speidi score and let her fans know revenge isn't always sweet. Check it out -- then tell us whether you think K-Cav's giving it to us straight!

+ Watch the rest of The Hills: Live After Show, plus take our poll and help us decide whether Kristin's in it for love -- or for the drama!

You already know Kristin Cavallari and Audrina Patridge have the same taste in guys (Justin Bobby, Brody Jenner, anyone in a leather jacket), but did you know they're also on the exact same wavelength when it comes to accessories? Yesterday, both Hillzies hit the streets of West Hollywood in sporty ensembles -- shades, leggings, comfy tops -- and smiled big for photogs while juggling their keys, cellies and oversized bottles of H20!

Take a look at these L.A. ladies getting some much-needed hydration (water ... it's so hot right now!), and tell us who's got the best shot of landing the new (fictional, but totally plausible!) "Got Agua?" campaign. Bottoms up, girls!

We usually put these precious Hills matters to a poll (cuz what do we know about relationships -- or throwing down with Playboy Playmates -- anyway?), but we're not even gonna bother asking y'all who won tonight's catfight at da club. No doubt about it, Kristin Cavallari proved who's boss when she left the scene of the crime with her dignity (mostly) in tact -- and more importantly, Brody by her side. Hey, the girl that gets the guy is ALWAYS the clear winner, it's that simple.

Only time will tell whether Jayde can scheme romance her way back into Brody's pants heart (he says 'hells to the no' right now), but in the meantime, we wanted to offer up a huge congrats to K-Cav for playing the Two Girls/One Confused Bro game like a true pro -- and landing the prize with even his mother's approval. Job well done, Kristin! We hope to see you and Brody hooking up on the beach, officially getting back together over candlelit dinner, bickering about babies/vasectomies and breaking up to the tune of deafening dance music by the end of the season.

Two weeks ago, Justin Bobby told Audrina Patridge he'd never find anyone as good as her. So you can imagine the surprise (and yes, the humiliation) she must've felt tonight, when JB told her he was still too hung up on Kristin to even THINK about getting back together with Audrina.

Wait, hold up a sec -- Kristin? As in Cavallari? As in the no-strings-attached chick who dated Justin a handful of times, bitched him out over a text, then seemingly dumped his ass for Brody? Yep, according to JB, those three weeks of noncommittal bliss meant more than his four (or five) year love affair with Audrina. Or at least that's what he wants her to think.

Our take? Justin had second thoughts after his emotional outpouring with Audrina (as guys are wont to do), but instead of being honest about it, he decided to pin the whole thing on her, as though she'd completely misread all the signals. And while we understand the change of heart -- without Kristin, the grass-is-greener philosophy doesn't exactly fly -- we think he could've softened the blow a bit (or at least pretended to care) when Audrina told him she wanted to give it another go as a couple.

+ Think Justin deliberately led Audrina on, only to break her heart for the umpteenth time? Or is he just an immature jerk who (still) doesn't know what he wants? Take the poll and tell us whether you think JB is a bad boyfriend -- or an all-around bad guy.

First, she battled it out with Lauren Conrad over Stephen Colletti. Then, she waged war with Audrina Patridge over Justin Bobby. Now, she's pushing Jayde Nicole's buttons (and getting pushed around by Playmates) over Brody Jenner. So what's Kristin Cavallari's deal, anyway? Is she always picking the wrong men? Or is she just more interested in the chase (or, in her case, the catfight) than the dudes themselves?

Here's what we know: Kristin's got the head-turning looks, the fun-loving personality and the sexy, confident, swagga that guys go gaga over. And yet, somehow, she always seems to end up chasing after the one boy she can't actually have. So what's really going on here? Well, either K-Cav's a master of self-sabotage (i.e. she's attracted to all the wrong guys), or else she secretly lurves the drama that comes with moving in on another girl's turf.

+ Think you've got K-Cav all figured out? Take the poll and tell us whether you think the tough-talkin' Hillzie's got a thing for boys with baggage -- or guys with girlfriends!