In honor of tonight’s 2008 Video Music Awards, I’ve decided the time has come to give out some awards of my own. So I’ve compiled a list of Hills-superlatives based on tonight and tomorrow’s episodes. Read on to find out who’s worthy of a title.

First, the Most Unabashedly In Favor Of Private Planes award goes to….Stephanie Pratt! Congratulations, girl! You had us at hello “You broke up with a guy who has a jet??”

Next up, the award for Obligatory Awkward Birthday Scene goes to…Frankie Delgado. First Audrina’s BBQ standoff, then Steph’s Speidi-infested club bash. Now…a non-confrontation in Vegas! Way to keep the streak alive, dude.

And now, the one you’ve all been waiting for — the award for Most Useless Mediator During A Dinner Fight. Well played, Doug! By our count, you tried to silence Brody at least four times with no luck. But hey, at least you were there! (Most of LC’s ex-boyfriends don’t come back until the “Look, here’s my fiance!” party two seasons later).

Next up, the award for Best Ladies’ Room Pep Talk goes to…Lauren Conrad and Stephanie Pratt. Congrats on pulling it together, Steph. But FYI, the next time some awful boy calls you a “psycho” — and outs you as a former drug-user — on national tv, it’s totes understandable if you want to call it a night.
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BIG things poppin’ this Sunday evening when the Hills cast hits the VMA red carpet and hosts an all-new episode of the show (special air time: 7:30pm EST). Check out our party timeline so you can plan bathroom breaks accordingly:

6pm: Episode 1 of The Hills airs.
6:30pm: Episode 2 of The Hills airs. MTV host Kim Stolz cozies up to Lauren and Audrina on the red carpet, talking fashion, friendship and overall fabulosity.
7pm: Episode 3 of The Hills airs. Kim, Audrina and LC keep the conversation going while more and more stars arrive — and strike a pose for paparazzi.
7:30pm: Episode 4 of The Hills (New! Shocking! Amahzing!) airs at its special time with LIVE commentary from the ladies.
8pm: VMA opening act begins.
8:30pm: ABDC’s Fanny Pak/Kaba Modern dance battle!
9pm: VMAs kick off with a highly anticipated appearance by Britney, b*tches!

Top that.

Inspired by Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin’s uncanny resemblance to Tina Fey and Megan Mullally (triplets separated at birth?), I’ve decided to figure out which Hollywood celebs would depict the Hills gals if the series ever were to get adapted onto the big screen. Here’s who I came up with:

Alicia Silverstone as Lauren Conrad: Who better to play a rich, gorgeous California fashionista than Cher Horowitz herself?? Bonus: Cher’s rotating Clueless closet will totes come in handy for storing last season’s Lauren Conrad Collection.

Jennifer Aniston as Heidi Montag: Think about it: Both girls live for tweezed eyebrows, designer handbags and hair extensions, PLUS both are always dating the wrong men! (Kidding, Spencer!) Besides, they have the exact same trademark red carpet pout.

Mila Kunis as Audrina Patridge: Um, hello! Mila’s already proven she can master Audrina’s ceiling eyes — and infatuation with Justin Bobby — in this amazing Hills parody. The only problem? The closed-lip smile. Mila, take 200 Colgate whitening strips and call me in the morning.
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• Audrina “Ceiling Eyes” Patridge took time out of her busy sched to drop by The View this morning. (Audrina’s blog)

• Check out exclusive footage of Jennifer Aniston’s 30 Rock guest spot! (Usmagazine.com)

• ABDC’s Mario Lopez lands the best magazine cover of all time! (Best Week Ever)

• Paula Abdul and the newest American Idol judge are totes BFF! Or else, you know, they’re faking. (NY Post)

• Chef Gordon Ramsay confuses reality show with boring 2-hour self-promotional stunt. (NY Daily News)

This week’s episode of The Hills was very Whitney-centric, which really isn’t a bad thing seeing how we here at Team Spencer lurve Whitney (minus that whole friendship with LC thing). It just leaves little to discuss about our main man.

When he did get camera time, Spencer’s scenes generally revolved around his sister, whether it was talking to Heidi about Lauren’s presence at the birthday party or letting Steph know he still has zero interest in hanging around with her as long as she remains friends with LC.

During the latter, he was pretty much cold as ice to his kid sister, even with her coming over to his place bearing a gift. And you know what? I applaud him for sticking to his guns. He’s made it clear multiple times the way he feels about Steph’s friendship with LC, and if Steph really thinks that a book called The Secret History of the CIA — no matter how fascinating and engrossing (Joseph Trento, feel free to pass along some cash my way for the plug) — is going to butter him up, then she’s sorely mistaken. Steph, if you want to show Spencer you care, ditch Lauren already… it’s that easy.
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• The new 90210 reportedly puts the “pit” in Peach Pit. (Entertainment Weekly)

• Especially in the video games department! (Kotaku)

• Fortunately for Brenda, that didn’t actually stop people from watching. (Perez Hilton)

• Meanwhile, The Hills‘ Audrina Patridge reveals she’s lined up a guest spot on MADtv! (Audrina’s blog)

• Catch up on the best 30 Rock episodes ever! Pre-Jennifer Aniston, of course. (Popwatch)

• David Letterman will not go quietly into the (late) night. (E! Online)

• A new season of ANTM starts tonight! And yes, Tyra, we still refuse to say “cycle.” (NYDN)

Exciting news! This week, instead of having to wait seven excruciating days until the next all-new episode, you’ll only have to endure six painful days of Hills separation anxiety. That’s because producers are hitting you with a bonus show this Sunday night, 7:30pm right before the VMA’s. And, like next weekend’s awards show, it looks to be full of drama, surprises and familiar faces.

After taking a mysterious 1-episode hiatus, Audrina and Lo just as mysteriously reappear, forcing LC to decide once and for all whether she’s a Brunette or a Blonde. (Because, let’s face it, she’s done both). Meanwhile, Stephanie fights to defend her honor, everyone goes to Vegas and Doug — who, surprisingly, still exists! — may or may not be incarcerated…with Brody.

Check out this sneak preview of next week’s show, and don’t forget to tune in next Sunday at 7:30. Vegas, baby, Vegas!

Has the world gone mad?? Yesterday, we were horrified by reports that our darling Whitney may be moving to the Big Apple, and now comes word that Spencer and Heidi are planning to open an “upscale sports lounge.” Yep, supposedly Spencer was spotted scouting out real estate in Murray Hill, the NYC ‘hood (spanning the East 30’s) known for its overabundance of Indian takeout joints and overgrown frat boys.

Seriously, what is up with all these East Coast Hills rumors? First Whitney, now Speidi…what’s next??

Anyone feel like starting a juicy rumor about Audrina? Because we TOTALLY hear she’s moving out of LC’s luxe Hollywood Hills pad and taking a crappy waitressing job at a local New Jersey Houlihan’s…

(Credit: TV Guide)

We already know you love this week’s dueling Lauren/Heidi TV Guide covers. So what about what’s on the inside of the mag? As always, the Hills cast has no problem speaking their minds. Even if that means rehashing all the domestic drama, sibling squabbles and revolving door romances. Meanwhile, here’s a few choice quotes for those of you who (inexplicably!) have yet to hit up the nearest newsstand:

Lo defends her role in the Audrina standoff! “I am friendly to Audrina and don’t feel like I’m getting the same in return,” she says.

Spencer warns Lauren about getting too close to a Pratt. “I think LC is going to figure out what my sister is like,” he cautions. “That she’s not a trustworthy person.”

And producers weigh in on the residual sparks between Lauren and her ex/best guy pal. “Lauren and Brody are always hanging out, and we never know what’s going to happen between them,” admits the show’s exec producer Adam DiVello. “Whenever they’re around each other, those two really light up.”

+ Think Lo’s telling the truth? And just where do Stephanie Pratt’s loyalties lie? Let us know, plus sound off on whether you think there’s still hope for an LC/Brody reconciliation down the line.

LC and Heidi Montag’s dueling TV Guide covers hit newstands today, in what’s already shaping up to be the cover battle to end all cover battles.

Lauren enthusiasts will argue that she scores a touchdown with her intimidating “Don’t eff with me” stare, ballistic cheerleaders (played by Lo and Audrina) and regulation eyeblack (that’s greasepaint, for all you non-sports fans). Meanwhile, avid Heidi fans will cite their fearless team leader’s stomach-baring jersey, cocky hand gesture and domineering coach/fiance (Spencer, obvs).

But, like most head-to-head sports match-ups, it all really comes down to who has the most fan support. So whether you’re on Team Lauren or Team Heidi, tell us which Hills gal’s TV Guide cover blew away the competition.