• Actor-turned-rapper Joaquin Phoenix insists his music career is totes for realz, although he admits that it might be “laughable” and “ridiculous.” You know, just like his crazy, homeless guy beard. (HuffPo, via E!)

• Ex-Playmate Kendra Wilkinson is super psyched to start a fam with her new fiance, but sez she won’t be having kids anytime soon because “I don’t want to be fat for the wedding.” (E! Online via Scandalist)

• Stephen King is notsomuch into Twilight. The horror!! (E! Online)

• Clay Aiken to appear on America’s Next Top Model, presumably to teach the girls how to milk their reality tv stardom beyond the requisite 15 minutes. (Usmagazine.com)

• Shannon Doherty has announced that she’ll be returning to 90210 Land one more time, because she needs the cash for old time’s sake. (TV Watch)

• Gossip Girl frenemies Chuck and Vanessa were outed as a real-life couple after they were caught swapping spit at a New York Knicks game. Which raises two questions: 1) Are you deliberately TRYING to hurt us, Chuck? and 2) The Knicks? Seriously? Ew. (Usmagazine.com)

• Got money to burn? Why not plunk down your life savings on the phone number made famous by Tommy Tutone?! On the plus side, you can tell everyone you know your # is 867-5309! On the minus side, they won’t care — and you’ll be out $365K. (Scandalist)

• Semi-disgraced Olympic athlete Michael Phelps reportedly offered News of the World a lot of money NOT to run those incriminating pot pics. Spoiler: They turned him down! (MSNBC)

• It’s official: Tori Spelling is reprising her role as 90210’s resident nepotist. (TV Watch)

• Now presenting … the best and the worst of this year’s Super Bowl commercials! Our take? Alec Baldwin is an evil, diabolical genius, but online search engine ads + sad, recession economy = really, really depressing. (MTV News)

• Reason # 343 why you know we’re in a recession: International megastar Britney Spears has been reduced to driving around in a Mitsubishi. (TMZ)

• A bachelor no more! DeAnna Pappas castoff Jesse Csincsak is finally ready to unveil (read: show off) his brand new lady love. (IKYDK)

• Seeing Ashlee Simpson in handcuffs makes us feel like the world is safe again. (Usmagazine.com)

• Instead of Samantha Who?, you might wanna start asking Samantha Where? As in, where did Christina Applegate’s show disappear to in ABC’s new Bachelor-centric lineup? (E! Online)

• Sarah Jessica Parker insists that she and hubby Matthew Broderick are still happily married. (People)

• 90210’s Shenae Grimes admits she “dreams” about Luke Perry. Not bad, considering when he was a hearthrob, she was still in diapers. (E! Online)

• Real Housewives of Orange County star Tamra Barney compares serial Botoxing to getting your S.U.V. detailed. “You take care of your body like you take care of your car,” she explains, nonsensically. “If my fenders get a little banged up, I gotta fix ’em … I’m not going to let a nice car go to waste.” Tamra? Meet Lisa Rinna.  (Life & Style Mag)

• Mamma Mia stars Dominic Cooper and Amanda Seyfried (she played the Dumb One in Mean Girls) are apparently dating in real life! Mandy breaks down the undeniable attraction: “We both look like frogs with our wide-set eyes, we’re both indecisive and neither of us has a lot of willpower.” (Scandalist)

• This photo montage chronicles a typical day in the life of Speidi. (Best Week Ever)

• Tori Spelling may be willing to reprise her role as Aaron Spelling’s untalented daughter virginal fashionista Donna Martin on the new (and decidedly not improved) 90210. (Usmagazine.com)

• Whether you remember Willie Aames from his days on Charles in Charge or his more recent gig on Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, you’ll be saddened to hear that he recently attempted suicide. Fortunately for all you Buddy Lembeck fan(s) out there, the actor’s still here to tell the tale. (LA Times Blog)

• Eliot Spitzer’s personal escort, Ashley Dupre, wants to formally apologize to the former NYC governor’s wife, Silda. Sadly, we’re not sure Hallmark makes a “Sorry a shtooped your hubby” card. At least, not yet! (NY Post)

• Semi-famous funnylady Kathy Griffin confirms that there’s another season of D-List in the works. Bring it, KG! (Usmagazine.com)

• Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are either back together — or else they’re the kinda best friendsies who hug and kiss a lot. (E! Online)

• DWTS‘ Julianne Hough doesn’t care what the judges/fans think about her just-eliminated-partner Cody Linley: “He’s a winner to me,” she says. (We think she means it in the metaphorical sense.) (OMG Yahoo!)

• Anyone else think Hottie McHotterson Megan Fox can do better than David Silver from 90210? (Scandalist)

• Believe it or not, Audrina Patridge wasn’t exactly Miss Popularity back in high school. “I got picked on,” the Hills star admitted. “Girls… would call me names and spread terrible rumors.” (Fox News)

• And apparently, some things never change! “I have a lot I need to get off my chest lately, as there are a lot of false and malicious things being said about me,” ‘Drina wrote on her MySpace. Geez, no wonder her current mood is listed as “Drained.” (Audrina’s MySpace)

• Oh, and if all that wasn’t enough? Audrina totes busted her ankle while doing a stunt for Ellen Degeneres‘ talk show. (Audrina’s website)

• Will America’s Next Top Model spinoff become the new Queer Eye? Yes! That is, if Mr. and Mrs. Jay have anything to say about it. (Usmagazine.com)

• Check out a sneak preview of Oprah and Jennifer Aniston’s cameos on 30 Rock. (E! Online)

• 90210’s Jason Priestley is looking forward to reuniting with his TV ex-girlfriend and fellow Minnesota Twin. (TV Watch)

• Yes, it’s weird that The O.C.’s Mischa Barton just called Victoria Beckham unstylish and questioned her status as a British fashion icon. But it’s even weirder that Perez Hilton just called Mischa “0% Body Fat” Barton “Thunderthighs.” This is how eating disorders get started, people! (Perez Hilton)

• Brooke Hogan inexplicably turns down a Playboy pictorial. Because, apparently, she has (newly acquired) standards. (Usmagazine.com)

• The Pillsbury Doughboy formerly known as Brandon Walsh is officially returning to 90210! Well, sort-of… (E! Online)

• SNL apologizes for implying that they sanction the practice of shooting annoying people in the face. Clearly they’re opposed! Otherwise, no WAY would Chris Kattan still be here. (TV Squad)

• Rocco DiSpirito and Karina Smirnoff get a stay of execution on Dancing with the Stars. Take that, Kim Kardashian! (TV Watch)

• Until now, Celebrity Apprentice has always been sort of a guilty pleasure. But Donald Trump’s stepped it up this year by getting hold of some legitimate (albeit minor) celebrities. Joan Rivers…Dennis Rodman…Tom Green?? Holy crap, we’ve actually heard of these people! (TMZ)

• Opera-singing insurance agent Neal E. Boyd proves America really does have talent. (Usmagazine.com)

• Has Project Runway gotten cattier? We’re not sure, but we’re kinda loving how Nina Garcia dissed Kenley’s dress by saying: “It looks like a reptile, but not in a cool way.” (E! Online)

• You don’t have to go on a gay cruise to catch Rosie O’Donnell’s act anymore - the former View costar just inked a deal to host a one-night only NBC variety show. (Hollywood Reporter)

• Apparently, Aussies don’t share our Brenda/Kelly nostalgia. 90210 has been yanked down under after only four measly episodes. (Perez Hilton)

• VMAs host Russell Brand has a new show on Comedy Central! Which still doesn’t explain why he’s so interested in scoring Sarah Silverman’s breast milk. (The Sun - UK)

It’s no secret those Hills girls have style. And since we’ve always been a fan of their ready-to-wear looks (Whitney’s cute work tunics! Audrina’s edgy biker pants!  Stephanie’s never-ending arsenal of print dresses!), we’re totally confident that Lauren, Heidi and the rest of the gang would bring it in a Battle of the Best-Dressed. Fortunately, they’ve already got their first fashion faceoff! Turns out, our girls are up against those kutesy Kardashian sibs — and the skinny-minis on 90210 –  for the 2008 People’s Choice “Hollywood Style” award.

So whether you’re on Team Heidiwood, or you’re all about the (best-selling!) Lauren Conrad Collection, head over to the People’s Choice Awards website and support your Hills gals.

The polls are open from now until October 3rd, so vote early and vote often! Who knows — it just might be the second most important ballot you’ll cast this fall…

• Grey’s Anatomy is promising BIG changes this year! Which is weird, seeing as most of tonight’s 2-hour season premiere centers around Meredith Grey and her severe emotional limitations. Again. (NY Daily News)

• Everyone has an opinion about Clay Aiken’s super-shocking “I’M GAY” announcement. Especially the most opinionated Idol judge of them all! Professional blowhard, — Simon Cowell. (MTV)

• Dominico (from Shot at Love and That’s Amore!) is still making Italy proud. (Best Week Ever)

• 90210’s Shanae Grimes is sorry you’ve decided to preemptively draw conclusions about her ideal body weight. Also? She would LOVE to do a Gossip Girl crossover episode! We’re thinking Chuck Bass wouldn’t mind, either. (Usmagazine.com)

• Remember when Spike served those icky spoiled scallops on Top Chef and blamed everyone but himself? Well it turns out life does imitate reality tv art! His D.C. restaurant was just shut down for myriad health code violations. D’oh! (E! Online)

• Only one more week until Matt Saracen returns as the hunky QB on Friday Night Lights!! Unless you don’t have DirectTV…in which case, you’ll have to wait till 2009 to see him back in spandex. (TV Squad)