Kelly Cutrone wants you to know a few things about herself, in case you've decided who she is without even asking. No. 1) Yes, she is a "bitch." No. 2) No, she's not a "witch." No. 3) Duh, her "Amish, psycho killer look" isn't intentional. There's no time to put on lip gloss when you're building an empire, people!

See your favorite scary boss lady set the record straight during our sit-down interview with her, plus after the jump, hear KC explain why her employees are expected to wear head-to-toe black at fashion shows. (Hint: Rich, successful business owners tend to have a ton of common sense.)

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It's been some time since Joe Zee ordered Erin Kaplan to show Olivia Palermo the ropes, and natch, we've been waiting anxiously to see Elle's PR Director finally take Liv under her wing. But from the looks of this video, that's all far from happening on next week's City. Plus, over at People's Rev, Kelly Cutrone's putting the kibosh on Roxy Olin's creative brainstorms. Holy office anxiety! Watch as Roxy's efforts to help Whitney/impress Kelly fall just a little bit short while Erin and Liv get into yet another turf war.

Wednesday night, roomies (slash costars, slash coworkers slash joined-at-the-hipsters) Whitney Port and Roxy Olin got all dolled up and hit the party circuit in their red carpet finest. So how'd they avoid stepping on each other's toes? Simple: they stayed approximately three thousand miles apart. Yep, while Whit went West Coast wildin' at Us' Hot Hollywood party (along with Hillzies Stephanie Pratt, Kristin Cavallari and Audrina Patridge), Roxy held down the fort in NYC at the taping of the 2009 mtvU Woodie Awards.

Check out both gals' gorge going-out ensembles (BTW, is it bad that Whit's lacy white frock reminds us of the "doily" dress from Reality Bites?!) and tell us whether you're more in love with Roxy's loose locks/copper-colored wrap -- or Whitney's delicate ringlets/beaded baby-doll.

Ever worn a body-hugging corset dress so tight it practically cut off your circulation? Or treated yourself to a gorgeous up-do that took 45 minutes (and 200 bobby pins) to remove? Yep, we've all done things we're not exactly proud of in the name of fashion, like squeezing our feet into strappy stilettos two sizes too small (what, they were Manolos!?) or wearing a flimsy faux-fur vest in the dead of winter (hey, at least we LOOKED warm). So who's the newest member of the Stylistas Anonymous club? City star Whitney Port! Check out her SOS tweet and find out why she was thisclose to taking off her tights!

+ Read more of our MTV Celebrity Tweets, plus find out what fashion faux-pas made Stephanie Pratt wanna turn herself inside out!

What's that we hear? An in-store fashion show at EXPRESS in NYC? Roxy and Erin from The City will be there? Fans are invited? Oh, hell yeah!

Sorry for the late notice -- that's just how we roll here in Busytown USA -- but ... you're cordially invited to the EXPRESS store in SoHo tonight from 6pm to 8pm to check out some hot holiday styles inspired by the girls of The City! Plus, you'll have an opportunity to meet Roxy and Erin (and maybe ask them some burning questions about Liv Palermo's self-proclaimed hip-hop obsession). So if you're in The City (New York City, that is) and you've got a little time on your hands, swing by the party! Just remember to RSVP first to EXPRESSrsvp@ELLE.com.

It's not easy being the most fashionable girl in the room, but City star Olivia Palermo makes it look almost effortless. Her secret? Style, sophistication and, of course, invites to all the hottest parties in town. This week, Liv popped by five (count 'em, FIVE) different VIP venues, showing off a whirlwind of fall essentials (think: flashy fishnets, leather leggings and faux-fur vests) and makin' the rounds with everyone from her sweetie, Johannes Huebl, to her fashion bestie, Marc Jacobs.

Check out these pix of Liv working it on the red carpet (watch out for Huebl's razor-sharp cheekbones up top!), plus take a look at three of her most envy-inspiring looks.

Aside from Joe Zee and Freddie Fackelmayer's dad, it's been a stretch trying to find one guy on The City who treats our favorite ladies with the kindness and respect they deserve. Case in point: Whitney's dinner date with Abbreviation Boy (above) and Roxy's run-in with that Hugh Hefner wannabe (below).

Are we missing something here? Last time we checked, Whitney and Roxy still looked like supermodels -- and acted much smarter -- so why's it been so hard for them to land a guy who isn't a total d-bag?

We know, we know. We sound a little angry, like maybe dating life isn't going so well for us either. And if that were true, all we could really do is throw up our hands and yell, "I am soooo much better than this crap!" (But we won't, cuz that would be really disruptive to the other bloggers in the office.)

Since our most effective form of deflection tends to be asking everyone else's opinion, let's put it to a poll. You tell us: Are Whit and Roxy (and possibly Lisa) doing something wrong to attract all these losers?

Oh, Livvy Palerms ... Of course you love hip-hop! You thought Cobra Starship and Elle's music editor would be shocked to hear it, but we've always been privy to your street side. In fact, whenever we hear Public Enemy's "Fight the Power," we can't help but picture you wearing an Adidas tracksuit, and krumping. And because no hip-hop enthusiast can call themselves such without ever hearing of, er, iconic rappers A Tribe Called Quest, we're currently in the midst of making you a mix tape filled with some of their greatest hits, as well as other rhymes from rap innovators that we think might tickle your grill. Take a peek at our growing playlist:

OLIVIA'S 'SHOP HARD' MIX

1. "Buggin' Out" by A Tribe Called Quest
Key Lyric: Yo when you bug out, you usually have a reason for the action
Sometimes you don’t it’s just for mere satisfaction

2. "It's Tricky" by Run-D.M.C.
Key Lyric: And in the city it's a pity cuz we just can't hide
Tinted windows don't mean nothin,' they know who's inside

3. "She's Crafty" by the Beastie Boys
Key Lyric: D. pulled me over said, "Hide your gold,
The girl is crafty like ice is cold!"

4. "Can I Kick It?" by A Tribe Called Quest
Key Lyric: Feel free, drop your pants, check your ha-ir
Do you like the garments that we wear?
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A picture's worth a thousand words, and this week on The City, it was all about the body language. From Whitney eyeballing her blind date (like, did he seriously just say "LV!?) to Erin squirming at the dinner table, there were plenty of screencap-worthy moments tonight! Come join us as we recall a few of our favorite ones...

1. Whitney breaks bread (then breaks out her wallet!) with Bergdorf's Boy.
Fun fact: Her jaw's been permanently dropped ever since Patrick name-dropped "5F" and asked her to "join forces" on the bill. Talk about making a big first impression!

2. Erin looks on fondly as Olivia nails the photo shoot.
If tightly crossed arms, a clenched jaw and an intense stare-into-nowhere don't say "understated pride," then we don't know what does! Sheez, Erin, why don't ya just stamp "I Heart Olivia" on your forehead next time?!

3. Roxy tells Zac exactly how she feels about him!
Guys love it when you're straight-up with them -- but they hate talking about their feelings. So if you're looking to let someone down easy, we'd recommend the "double finger." It's a great way of saying "I'm just not that into you" without all the talky talk. (Trust us, he'll thank you later!)

4. Erin enjoys a delicious meal with her teammate, Olivia!
If you really wanna impress your bosses, remember: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all! Instead, just look crazy stressed, stuff your face and try not to wince every time someone says "Olivia." Works every time!

5. Olivia slightly over-exaggerates her hip-hop expertise.
Note to Liv: Real hip-hop aficionados don't twist their hands into pretzels and say things like, "A Tribe Called Quest? Never heard of 'em!" Next time, nod confidently, stroke your chin and say "Yeah, I really liked them -- til they blew up and went all mainstream."

+ Got anything to add? Tell us what we missed in the comments!

Roxy Olin wasn't lying when she told Kelly Cutrone she loved black. Girl's got more darks in her closet than a recently-widowed witch. So how does she stay true to her black leanings without coming across as one note? Accessories, accessories, accessories! When she's not mixing in prints (or even florals!), Roxy keeps her look fresh with chunky jewelry, sexy/sheer stockings and a hefty stash of high-waisted belts. Check out what she wore to the opening of Gap's new Soho store last week, then see how she switches up her style (if not her red carpet poses!) in the pix below.