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Ronnie and Sammi at Lil Wayne's album release party last summer.

If you asked us a few hours ago whether we felt on top of the "Jersey Shore" beat, we may have circumvented the question and hung our heads in shame. We pride ourselves on knowing the Whos, Whats, Wheres and Whys of all things that rise and set in Seaside, so when The Rumor Fix reported that SamRon, who've been uncharacteristically nice to each other in recent eps, were engaged, we felt that we failed in our mission to feed fans juice before it even drips out of the pipes.

Our first reaction to the news itself was bewilderment. How the freak did these ex-lovebirds manage to even get back together without us knowing? But shortly after the gossip circulated the webs, a little Twitter birdie assured us that Ronnie and Sam were NOT engaged. "I'm not getting married!! Where do these people come up with this stuff?!?!" single Ronnie exclaimed in less than 140 characters. Sam added a message of her own: "The stories i hear sometimes make me laugh... silly people." If for no other reason than to keep our journalistic integrity in tact, we thank them very much for sharing.

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Photo: David Livingston/Getty Images

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There are unspoken responsibilities taken on each time two women engage in a best friendship (or so men are led to believe upon watching Snooki and JWOWW on "Jersey Shore"): There is no dating each other's ex, no spilling of scandalous secrets (say, if one of them cheated on her boyfriend with a certain housemate whose nickname rhymes with bitch), and--one you might not have been aware of till now--no admittance to the fact that the other farted on a radio broadcast, or farted EVER for that matter.

Jenni recently called into the Johnjay and Rich show to discuss Season 5 of "Jersey Shore" and contributed a sound bite the hosts were sure was accidental. The two later played the clip for Snooks, and, taking a cue from housemate Ron, Nicole denied, denied, denied. Snooks said that even she, Jenni's best friend, has never heard her BFF fart and is convinced Ms. Farley is incapable of bowel movements, entirely. TMI for some, but if you put your UTI out there for the world to see, it's likely there's not a whole lot that you'll leave off the table.

+ Take a listen to the sound clip in question below and tell us if you think it's simply a misunderstanding, or if Jenni has joined the ranks of human being (horror!).

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Cooking a Jionni-worthy chicken cutlet is suddenly the least of dear Snooki's worries. She's got a meatball womanly problem that's causing some serious discomfort, and while those in the know usually prescribe a heavy dose of cranberry juice for such matters, she figures why not throw in a few splashes of vodka--as well as some tequila shots--to speed up the healing process.

Nicole is fearful she's got a UTI (urinary tract infection, not Ultimate Tanning Institute) in this sneak peek of Thursday's all-new episode. Lately, she's been in and out of the bathroom more times than Deena's fallen flat on her ass, but she's waiting till actual BLOOD emerges to schedule a doctor's visit. (Make that a sudden dash to the emergency room.)

Check out the video below to get to know Snooki even more intimately (we didn't know it was possible!) and make sure to catch Thursday's episode to see if she ever succumbs to a proper check-up and antibiotic.

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"Jersey Shore" airs Thursdays at 10/9c, but you don't have to wait till then to check out the raw footage. Throughout the week, we'll sift through the Jersey Shore Dailies to make sure you're getting your fill of the crew in Seaside Heights. Check out the latest featured clip below.

For viewers put off by SamRon's recent out-of-character kindness on "Jersey Shore," we've got some video evidence that the two are not so far gone from their former selves. It may not be the fireworks we've grown to expect from the constantly at-odds couple, but there's an argumentative spark here, for sure.

Sam and Ron wake up after a night out on the boardwalk in this Jersey Shore Dailies clip, and before the "Sweetheart" is even out of bed, she digs at Ron for being noticeably absent at the bar. She sets off a guilt bomb and notes that Snionni had been all over each other in the midst of house music and fist pumps, and that even Deena and her new date didn't leave each other's side. Ron tells his girlfriend she's got an attitude, but Sam, emboldened by a hair-raising scuffle, doesn't back down.

+ For proof that SamRon are still very much themselves, take a look at the video below. It's noticeably tamer than their last Seaside Heights fiasco, but it's nice to know we can still rely on a spat now and again.

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Applicable cliche: Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

On last night's "Jersey Shore," Seaside Heights' finest four females were in the market for some extra special talent to perform at a surprise birthday party for Pauly D and "The Situation." While this would amount to the hiring of a throwback cover band or fire-eaters for most, it meant strippers with sock-specific obsessive compulsive disorder for Sammi, JWOWW and the meatballs. And if you want the best exotic dancers coastal New Jersey has to offer, you go to one man, and one man alone: the Wizard of Ass.

The man with a knockoff soccer jersey and an apparent fetish for wheelchairs got a little too into the nitty-gritty of his employees' performance. By the time he suggested routines that included belt slaps and the pulling down of pants, Sammi was noticeably uncomfortable, but social media users were eating "The Wiz" up. The dude who pleaded the fifth when asked if he slept with his payroll shot up to the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter and stayed there for awhile.

JWOWW thought he would've been better off directing pornos, but here's what fans of the "Shore" had to say about the Wizard of Ass:

"I believe the title Wizard of Ass is handed down through the generations like Counts and whatnot in Europe." -- @H_Ram

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Don't you EVAH dare touch Sammi Sweetheart's hair extensions, because if tonight's episode of "Jersey Shore" is any indication, girl will go loco.

Whilst enjoying a lovely couples' night out at Bamboo, Sam and her silky tresses were assaulted by a female clubgoer, who, apparently didn't know who she was messing with (guess she didn't watch the Miami season). The "Shore" cameras suddenly went all herky-jerky in a rush to capture the catfight, which quickly devolved into full-on coed melee. Needless to say, it was pretty awesome.

One person who wasn't laughing? Sammi, naturally, who spends an average of two hours each day perfecting her do before heading out in public. She tells Kenny Santucci in the below clip from our latest "Jersey Shore Hook-up" that as soon as she felt the tug, she flipped on her bitch switch. "I never had somebody disrespect me in that way, just to pull on my hair for no reason, so, of course, I turn around and throw my drink, and it just went downhill after that."

+ Watch the video to hear more from Sam about the sneak attack, as well as her natural instinct to defend herself hair, plus tell us in the comments whether you think she held shiz down!

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We had a gut feeling--actually, it was more of a sneak peek--that Vinny's "Jersey Shore" departure wouldn't be permanent, especially if his friends had anything to say about it. The housemates, who successfully executed Operation GTGVB (Gym, Tan, Get Vinny Back) during tonight's episode, may have realized it was important for him to rest up at home, but they never fully understood the true nature of his anxiety and how much goes into the recovery process. We can't blame them for prematurely busting through the doors of his Staten Island residence with a demand to bring him back--they missed the guy like crazy, and so did we--but in our final "Jersey Shore Hook-Up with Vinny" interview below, he admits their surprise visit possibly came a few days too soon.

It's not as if Vin didn't want to spend the summer with his crew, and he was incredibly flattered by their kidnapping plot, but his form of anxiety isn't something that disappears the moment he hugs his mother and eats a homemade meal. Heading back to the beach wasn't as easy for him as it may have looked. "I mustered up enough strength just to get through the door of leaving my house and into the car...When I went back, it was still hard."

Watch the video to hear more from Vinny on his shaky return to Seaside and how he coped for the rest of the season, plus check out the second clip for an explanation on his "Let Go, Let God" chest tattoo.

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It was a one-man exodus that no one could explain.

On the heels of what Mike believed to be the suckiest birthday ever, he quietly wandered out into the unknown last week. Where he went and why he left was uncertain, but when boss-man Danny called attendance on tonight's episode of "Jersey Shore," the rest of the house drew blanks when attempting to report on Sitch's whereabouts. He was gone like the wind of an American classic.

Thankfully, Mike returned home unscathed, but not without a slap on the wrist from his roommates. In a clip from this week's "Jersey Shore Hook-Up," host Kenny Santucci asks the lone wanderer to explain his vanishing act. He says he was in a terrible mood (you know, cuz he's a Cancer and that's what happens, astrologically speaking) and just needed time to himself. He drove around to clear his head for a few hours and eventually came back. "Sometimes I'll just abracadabra," he says of his Jimmy Hoffa-like disappearance.

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At the start of Episode 4, Mike nearly followed Vinny's lead and peaced out of Seaside after getting the birthday blues, and big bossman Danny told the remaining "Jersey Shore" housemates he was considering recruiting some fresh blood. To dissuade him from wrangling another employee (and roommate), Deena and Snooki put in a good, hard day's work for once, but their efforts weren't as successful at home when Vin shut down their request for his presence at Sitch and Pauly's upcoming surprise party.

Speaking of which, what would a Seaside Heights bash have been without some local strippers? JWOWW and Sammi met New Jersey's finest...talent agents...to prepare Karma's rooftop space for the big night. Sam was perturbed by the "Wizard of Ass" title one carried, but the show had to go on, and Jenni had a shift at work to be late for. Sadly, she found no solace there, either, and after noticing Danny's follow-through with his threat in the form of a Help Wanted ad, Jenni promptly tore it down and noted that any potential new roommate would get nothing from her but a "f*** off."

Read more...

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Who could shatter more glass in five minutes: Snooki or Jasmine? Who could displace more fine home furnishings before the bell rings: CT or Ronnie? "Challenge" vets Mark and Diem are dying to know!

The two "Battle of the Exes" competitors recently told TheInsider.com that a showdown between "Challenge" competitors and the "Jersey Shore" cast might be just the ticket to spice up the series (what, pairing you with your former hookups wasn't enough?). In 22 seasons, "The Challenge" has forced enemies to work together, put men and women on separate sides and even dabbled in a three-team format. But what it hasn't managed to do is extract America's favorite guidos and guidettes from Seaside Heights and force them to jump off a building or eat something with signs of decay. Pickle juice is one thing, but could Snooki put a few roaches down? We're not so sure, but Mark says he'd be ready to take on "The Situation" if need be.

+ Check out Mark and Diem's interview and tell us if you'd watch a showdown between shows! (Oh, and just in case we got your hopes up, you should know this poll has absolutely zilch effect on MTV programming.)

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