There are only a few desserts out there that I dislike. Flan is one of them. It's essentially a combination of creme brulee and rice pudding -- both things I like -- so I'm not sure what the problem is. What I do know is that when you put those two desserts together, I gag. (Sort of like how I'll happily chase a chocolate bar with a fistful of pretzels, but I'd rather lick a hobo than chew on a chocolate-covered pretzel...)
So when one of the Ikki Twins seemed aroused by Travis' "flanny" breath in this week's D-Shot, I just knew I would be flanning it up for MTV Detox. Sadly, my gag reflex didn't protect JTT from some flan backwash. Eek!
Bonus: We realized that flan makes a particularly awesome substitute for vomit on camera. Score!
Other score? One of my favorite bands, Ponytail, stopped by DetoxLand to gawk over D-Shot and ask really awesome questions like, "Wait, are the twins making out with each other?" (Um, no, that's Rebekka. She's a contestant.) "So does the winner get to date both of them?" (Um, no. They established that it wouldn't be an open relationship.) "So how many winners will there be?" (Um ... actually I don't know! How does this crazy show work, anyway?!)
Thanks for hanging out with us, Ponytail! And thank YOU for watching tonight's flantastic Detox. Clicky!
Mondays in Detoxopia are jam-packed with MTV-viewing goodness, not only because I get my weekly insulin treatment in the form of Olivia Palermo, but it also means fun fashion tips! (Sometimes you need to wear something else besides a tee shirt.) Lucky for me, I got a little help from Brody Jenner and Malan Breton from Seasons 2 and 3 of Project Runway on how to wear my new, stylish JENNER JEANS!
Actually, not lucky at all. The whole thing turned out to be a horribly evil prank executed by the unlikely alliance of Brody and Malan! But I guess it was all in good fun. Malan and I ended up chatting about the hideous Jenner jeans and our mutual fascination with Giant Suri Cruise. He was also nice enough to share his deliciously evil laugh with us! Yay, Malan! (Keep your eyes peeled for new Malan goodies in NYC's upcoming Fashion Week, friends!)
Still, it was a day of broken hearts at Detox -- not only was I rejected by Vanessa Simmons during a grueling speed-dating session, but things were also sour in The City. The sub-plot of two barely-known characters caught on fire when there was explosive drama between the couple! And we've secured the raw audio from the tapes...
Tomorrow be sure to check back in when our awesome guest, art-rockin Ponytail, helps us discuss an especially scandalous Double Shot at Love. As my girl Olivia would coo, "Toodles!"
P.S. This is the last time I'll be naked on MTV Detox for awhile. PROMISE.
Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you have to get pink eye. What?? Let me explain!
Things got pretty real on this week's wacky (and at times, thanks to Ryan's "Tampon Song," unhygienic) episode of the RW: Brooklyn. Originally we'd planned for an awesome band to come by and visit me in the United States of Detox, but unfortunately their green cards were out of order and they were denied passports to my land of fun and magic. (In other words, they had car trouble.) Fortunately, the Gods of Awesome blessed us in the form of a visit from Pink Eyes, singer of the great Matador Records' band F**ked Up! (They might be banned by MTV Canada, but MTV Detox isn't chicken sh*t like our neighbors to the north.) So not only did we write IMHO the best song of 2009 (in your face, Animal Collective!) but we also had one of the most fun Detox shoots yet. Thanks to one of our writers, Adam Baran, for making it all possible! Weeee!
We were also introduced to some new, great anthropomorphisized characters because sometimes talking to cardboard cutouts just isn't enough. Shout out to super P.A. Adam Murphy for contorting his body into the Machine costume. He may have complained about how uncomfortable it was, but he was the one to design it. Just sayin'.
Speaking of cutouts, my dear friend Barbara Walters (channeling Devyn from this week's episode of Real World) introduced me to THE BFF-O-METER! A BFF-o-meter, for those who don't know, is a useful tool when one needs to measure the proximity of intimacy between friends. Kind of like a mood-ring but for buddies.
Anyway, that's enough talk from me. Check out tonight's MTV Detox for drama, excitement and, oh yeah, the world premiere of the brand new single: Pink Eyes + Jim Cantiello's "Sanitary Napkin!"
My wife: "What did you do at work today, honey?"
Me: "Eh, same old, same old. I hung out with that Michael dude from Bromance, pretended to go camping sans pants and used cheesecakes as footwear. How was your day?"
Yep, things are still wacky in DetoxLand. In honor of Whitney Port's headwear (displayed proudly in tonight's episode of my favorite show on the planet, The City), I'm wearing a different hat in every single shot. Thanks MTV Wardrobe department! But apparently our hijinks are too wacky for a Pitchfork-favorite band whose publicist told us -- in so many words -- that they would rather eat glass than appear on our weird show. (Wah, wah.)
Still, we scored Keri Hilson for tonight's recap, and we love her so yay! (Plus, she is a mean quizzer.) AND we booked a different indie group for Wednesday's Real World Detox recap and they're down for whatevs. Word! I'm just thankful that no celebs were on hand when we shot the ole "barefoot in cheesecake" bit, which was not a pretty sight. (Nor smell. Cheesecake is pungent under hot lights ... and in between toes! Ick.)
Sadly our Monday night recap was too long this go-round, therefore we had to abandon my weekly Olivia Palermo Love-Fest. (Booo!) So, I guess, at this rate it'll be a bi-monthly Olivia Love-Fest? Not as exciting, I know, but there's still plenty of stuff for you to sink your teeth into. So watch my impressive hat collection! Watch Michael from Bromance have another low-grade temper tantrum! And watch how well Junior's Cheesecake adapts to the contours of my feets! All this and more awaits you in your MTV Detox for Monday, January 19...
It’s Dance Crew day here at MTV, and that means Team Detox put on their tightest outfits and did the Mashed Potato. It also means that singer/actor/dancer/awesome-dude Nolan Gerard Funk stopped by to save the day. (He’s the star of the new Nickelodeon movie musical, Spectacular! Weeeee!)
His publicist wasn’t entirely sure what we were all about when we called to book him for Detox. And then when they showed up today and she saw me in my Dance Crew outfit (word up to my wardrobe guru, Chamisa Lamm, for putting that together in like 4 seconds), it didn’t help our cause. But Nolan was an awesome sport and had tons of fun. Plus, he made Lil Mama cry!
Things also got surreal when we hung our own G.O.P. Dance banner, but not as surreal as when we told our PA, Joel, to do his best Jim Halpert impression. Um, he did it in one take! This kid’s tryin’a steal my job, methinks. Remind me to fire him tomorrow. Kiddings!
So stretch your legs, arms and neck (but not like those sideshow freaks on ABDC! EEEK!) and press play. It’s time for your daily Detox!
Up until yesterday, I had only met one Real Worlder in my life, and that was Chet. (We met in the Men's room at Penn Station. I KID! We're both straight!) Chet stopped by the MTV Newsroom a couple months ago to get a lesson in news reporting from our own Kim Stolz. But this was before Chet was CHET-THE- METROSEXUAL-MORMON-VIRGIN-WHO-LIKES-TO-PLAY-PRANKS-AND-WEAR-GUYLINER...
Anyway, yesterday I got to meet three Real Worlders for real: Scott, Baya and Devyn, who agreed to tape a cameo for tonight's Detox. Let me tell you -- not only were they polite, they were real! (Although they weren't so accepting of the NINTH cast member of their season: Jim-Ho-Tep. Check the video below to see what I mean.
And wait! There's more! My in-the-know superstar producer Brendan Kennedy thought Ryan's drag queen "girlfriend" looked familiar. Sure enough, he knew Peppermint, and she was already in his Rolodex! One phone call later, Peppermint was all up in my business, giving me some of her sweet, chocolate peppermint love. Awesome.
So what's not to love about tonight's MTV Detox? We've got drag superstars, Real World cast members and a quick trip to the "Reality TV Zoo." So what are you waiting for? Clicky 'Play'!
Last Friday, a very giggly Adele stopped by my house to introduce tonight's Double Shot of Love-themed episode of MTV Detox , as well as babysit Giant Suri Cruise for a little. Adele admitted that she's caught the Ikki Twins' titular show (hehe) more than once, and was thrilled to play along. What a doll!
Tonight's episode of Detox also introduces you to my twin brother, Tim, thanks to the magic of camera trickery. (Lindsay Lohan, I feel your pain.) Luckily, the hideous pair of green and red Christmas sweaters I’ve kept in my closet all these years were put to good use. Plus, I got to push one of the P.A.’s, Joel Hanek, to the ground really hard about 14 times. Cathartic!
Other than that, it was a smooth shoot, and by “smooth” I mean madcap. I got to translate “Staten Island,” pretend to be a borscht-belt comic and pour popcorn on my head. (Which, by the way, I would not recommend you try at home. A day and a shower later, I still somehow have popcorn in my Ikki areas.)
So open up and say “ahh” for Tuesday, 1/13's MTV Detox!