As The Hard Times of RJ Berger will teach us when it premieres on June 6, not all nerds are created equally. Take RJ for instance. He's an outcast and a dweeb, but at least he's hung like an Arabian Stallion. Then again, most nerds don't have the luxury of a redeeming feature that might allow women (like RJ's crush Jenny Swanson) to see below past their geeky exterior. So in honor of all those nerds who never had an enormous package to show off, we present our six favorite in the history of TV, plus the objects of their unrequited affection.
The Nerd: Screech Powers ("Saved By the Bell")
Screech possessed the classic nerd trait of high intelligence. Problem was, even though he was book smart, he couldn't have been more street dumb. (This fact resulted in countless social embarrassments, like that hair.)
The Girl: The only thing that could match Screech's love for Lisa Turtle was her hatred for him. But that didn't affect his persistence, and in the end it paid off. Lisa kissed him on the cheek before graduation.
The Nerd: Warren "Potsie" Weber ("Happy Days")
He wasn't bad looking. He wore nice sweaters and he could sing (well, he tried to sing). Still, everyone in Milwaukee was more smitten with the slightly cooler Richie Cunningham and the astronomically cooler Fonzie. It probably didn't help that his jump shot was so bad his name became synonymous with a brick.
The Girl: Potsie had his fair share of crushes but finally found the right lady in Jennifer Jerome, a fellow crooner who hooked up with Pots for a memorable duet.
The Nerd: Steve Urkel ("Family Matters")
With his suspenders, glasses and legendary laugh, Urkel was the biggest nerd in the history of nerdom. He was so socially inept, he makes Screech look like the Fonz. And like any good nerd, Urkel had a foil: Carl Winslow. Urkel would have never been happy without a chubby neighbor to torment. His catch phrase ("Did I do that?"), uttered in a high-pitched nasally way, became a rally cry for nerds all over.
The Girl: Steve Urkel grew up next to Laura Winslow and watched her blossom from a young girl into a beautiful woman. He loved her the whole time, but she hated him. That is, until he consumed his magical "cool juice" and became the ultrasuave Stefan Urquelle.
The Nerd: Bill Haverchuck ("Freaks and Geeks")
Most geeks spend their lives on the constant hunt for friends or simply someone to hang out with even if that someone makes fun of them. Bill Haverchuck found those friends in Sam and Neal. A TV addict who could die from just looking at a peanut, Bill suffered the ultimate insult when his a**hole gym teacher started banging his mom. But at least he had his friends there for support.
The Girl: Bill was far too dorky to like real girls. We're guessing his love was reserved for Lucy Ewing Cooper, the hottie from his favorite show "Dallas."
The Nerd: Sheldon Cooper ("The Big Bang Theory")
Damn is he smart. Still, all the brains in the world won't make you a normal person. Sheldon might be a pro in the science lab, but in the lab of life, he's a definite amateur. He doesn't understand everyday humor, has no conception of sarcasm and hasn't once in his life properly used slang. But he could tell you every detail about Spock's life, so at least there's that.
The Girl: Sheldon is so socially awkward that the idea of him with a girl is as uncomfortable as the picture of him enjoying an episode of "Babylon 5."
The Nerd: Carlton Banks ("The Fresh Prince of Bel Air")
Sure, Carlton had money, nice clothes and cool cars, but even with all that he danced like an idiot. A preppy nerd with a high IQ, Carlton was arrogant and proud of it. And he was nowhere near as cool as his cousin Will, a fact that became painfully clear when he shared his list of idols: Bryant Gumbel, Tom Jones and Macaulay Culkin.
The Girl: For such a short guy, Carlton wasn't a total failure with the ladies. But once again, compared with his cousin Will, the man had a love life comparable to the Pope.