Now that the reformed Jenna Hamilton is back in her friends’ good graces, she’s flying high, but her bad girl phase‘s final victim, Valerie Marks, has never been lower. The “Awkward” guidance counselor/vice principal had both titles stripped from her after Jenna published a story that slandered Val in the PHHS literary magazine. Then, when Val violated the terms of her suspension by traveling to school grounds (with a beard!) and causing a scene, administration had no choice but to let her go.
We’re sad to see Val down, out and jobless, but when life serves you lemons…it’s time to try something new! After all, the former Buddha’s termination could just be a blessing in disguise: Who needs teenage drama when there are yards that can be mowed, expense reports that can be filed or lions that can be tamed?
There’s no telling if Val will ever be welcomed back to PHHS, so if she’s not, here are a few new careers she has the luxury to explore. Look this way, temp agencies!
A Good Cop/Bad Cop Duo’s Bad Cop: Val is famously warm and inviting, unless you cross her — then she’s liable to pour a bowl of punch over your head. Since earning her stripes as PHHS’ vice principal, she’s really tapped into her authoritative side, and if her talents aren’t welcome around school grounds, they would be perfectly suited for nabbing neighborhood perps.
Lifetime Movie Network Producer: Oh, you weren’t able to get a glimpse at Val’s life-changing A.S.S.? The woman is a visionary worthy of Scorcese’s rank, and if, by some evil fluke, Sadie Saxton as Jenny didn’t move you to tears, don’t forget that Val also directed the cherished production of Dead Stacey. The industry would be lucky to have someone so versatile!
Rapper With Adult Contemporary Leanings: Whether Val was advising her students to practice safe sex or keeping them chaste at the school dance, she always had a way of relating to them as if she herself were a teen… a teen who thinks a bandana head-wrap still elicits street cred, but still, one who could do damage to the Billboard charts with a record deal at Young Money.
“Catfish” Detective: Were it not for Val’s efforts, the mystery of who killed Ricky Schwartz might have remained unresolved. But with some expert sleuthing maneuvers — like forcing the mouths of her students open to check for traces of peanuts — she proved that she could be a valuable third party to Nev and Max‘s cross-country online love investigations.
Beekeeper, Zamboni Operator, Mime or any other position that doesn’t involve doling out advice to teenagers: Because…yeah…