The ABCs Of ‘Girl Code’: 26 Pieces Of Very Important, Totally Unsolicited Advice

 GirlCodeAZ

There’s a lot more to being a girl than reading chick lit and love-hating Lena Dunham. In fact, we can think of 26 things that would confuse the hell outta anyone with an XY chromosome. So if you wanna know more about acceptable cyber-stalking and the importance of Instagrammar, read on for the A-Z’s on how to be lady while still sticking to the “Code.”

A is for…Amazing. It’s the most overused word in the female vocabulary — and for good reason. Amazing is our everything…which is the second most overused word.

B is for…Breakup diets. The one perk of getting dumped? Carte blanche to eat whatever you want. Ditch the boring veggies in favor of carbs and ice cream. Goes great with that whole unwashed hair/pajama look you’ve been cultivating!

C is for…Celebrity weeklies. Because sometimes even smart gals like to swim in the shallow end of the pool.

D is for…Don’t ask, don’t tell. Your sex life? Your business! (Unless it’s one of your sixteen best friends, in which case, feel free to spill…)

E is for…e-stalking. Trust is an important part of any new relationship — but when that doesn’t work, it’s time to get all Harriet the Spy on his ass. Sure, your new guy is sweet, but if he’s still “liking” all of his ex’s pics on Facebook and Twitter, odds are he’s just not that Pinterested.

F is for…Friendcest. Late nights lead to bad decisions. If you wouldn’t date your guy bestie sober, don’t make out with him while tipsy. The margarita defense never holds up in court.

G is for…Guilty pleasures. You know you’ve got ‘em … but don’t worry: We won’t tell anyone about your lame-o Spice Girls CD if you keep hush-hush about our “Full House” DVD collection.

H is for … Hatha yoga. Nothing says Important Life Skill like learning how to twist yourself into a human pretzel! (Bonus points if you can do it without pulling every muscle in your back.)

I is for…Instagrammar. Sure, it’s mostly about the photos. But if you’re gonna post 10 gratuitous shots of yourself trying on fedoras, you should at least learn how to spell “selfie.”

J is for…Just-marrieds. Your BFF’s wedding was so much fun! Too bad you haven’t seen her since. This one goes out to your formerly awesome (and currently MIA) partners-in-crime. If getting hitched = spending all your weekends at Pottery Barn, consider us single for LIFE.

K is for … Kill ‘em with kindness. The only way to really piss off a hater? Don’t give ‘em what they want. Next time that office beyotch tries to undermine you, just smile sweetly and tell her how much you loooved her presentation. Professionalism: It’s the ultimate mindf**k.

L is for…Ladies’ night! With your girlfriends by your side, anything is possible! But remember: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. (Exhibit A: that YouTube vid of you and the mechanical bull.)

M is for…Makeouts. We’re sure most nights you’re the epitome of class and sophistication. Tonight, however? You’re gonna stick your tongue down a stranger’s throat IF IT KILLS YOU. xoxo!

N is for…No-nudity clause. Some people really like being naked! Others…notsomuch. If the words “communal dressing room” have you breaking out in hives, don’t be afraid to keep your clothes on. Like SJP on “Sex and the City,” you make your own rules.

O is for…Online dating. We all know a girl’s gotta kiss a whole lotta frogs to find her Prince Charming, you’ll find a lot of both waiting for you online. Sure, most of them are boring jerks who totally lied on their profiles. But some of them aren’t! Hey, you never know…

P is for…Punctuality. Never be tardy to a first date. By the time he figures out you’re a high-maintenance pain in the ass, he’ll already be smitten! (Winner: you.)

Q is for…Quiet time. Talking is super fun sometimes! And so is telling your partner to STFU so you can finally hear yourself think. As the old saying goes, “silence is golden.” And as the saying in our house goes, “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”

R is for…Repeater. In between dudes? Why not just recycle an ex? A repeater can be a great way to kill time without boosting your numbers! Just make sure you don’t dredge up any old feelings — if you’re getting too close to your ex, it’s onto the next.

S is for…Spanx. At $50 a pop, they don’t come cheap, but it still beats shelling out a thousand bucks a year on a gym membership.

T is for…Timeouts. Can’t stand your roomie’s new bf? Busy social life conflicting with your new job? Treat yourself to a short, mental health timeout. Sometimes you just gotta take care of you — even if that means lying to your boss about a stomach bug so you can skip showering and watch soaps all day long.

U is for…Understanding. i.e. Understanding that your girlfriends are right — even when they’re tooootally wrong. (And expecting them to do the exact same for you.)

V is for…’The View.” You want tips on how to demand respect? Watch Babwa in action.

W is for…Walk of shame. Just cause we’ve all been there doesn’t mean it’s not fun to laugh and point at somebody else. Sisterhood: It only goes so far.

X is for…X-rated movies. If you’re 18 and wanna watch ‘em, well that’s really your call. But please think twice before starring in one of your own. Truth is, breakups happen, and the only thing worse than seeing your ex with someone else is seeing him with you. On YouTube.

Y is for…Yada yada yada. TMI can be fun, but if you’re feeling bashful, feel free to yada yada over your chronic case of Athlete’s Foot. No one will complain.

Z is for…Zooey Deschanel. Is she annoying? Adorkable? Insane? No one knows for sure. But one thing about Zooey is, girl’s not afraid to march to the beat of her own drum. Plus she’s got the ultimate “Girl Code” trifecta: ballsy, boho and a great set of bangs.

+ Got any additions? Tell us what our A-Z guide is missing!

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Image from “Sex and the City: The Movie,” New Line Cinema/HBO Films