Will Beacon Hills Become A Brothel Now That Virgins Are Being Sacrificed?

StilesDeadGuy

Man, Lydia just can’t catch a break. After aimlessly wandering over to the community pool, as if under some sort of Peter Hale-ish spell, the popular-turned-cray teenager stumbled upon another body with a torn-out throat on tonight’s “Teen Wolf.” Whatever happened to the good ol’ days of merely hallucinating scary-ass s***?

Lydia quickly called her goofball in shining armor, Stiles, to the scene of the crime, and he noticed that the victim was wearing a purity ring. Alone, it wasn’t really much to note, but once he and Ms. McCall put their noggins together in the morgue and Stiles recognized a second victim as the chick who’d been seeking him out as her V-card recipient, an interesting similarity between the two young targets became apparent: They were both virgins. Stiles’ suspicions that chasteness had something to do with the deaths were confirmed when he learned next of a girl who had disappeared in the woods right before following through with her first time. Toward the end of the episode, he correctly predicted that she would be found strangled, with her throat slit and head bashed in. (And let the nightmares commence!)

With werewolves running amok, murdering virgins for sacrifice, we can’t help but think that, if word gets out, the stairwells of Beacon Hills High School and backseats of students’ cars are bound to see a whole lot more action. After all, when it comes to choosing between having sex or getting bludgeoned, we’re going to assume the greater teenage population would pick knockin’ boots. Every. Single. Time.

It’s safe to say abstinence education won’t be a big part of the BHHS first semester curriculum. Free condoms for everyone!

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