Zach Stone is still finding his footing with regards to becoming rich and “Famous,” and on last night’s episode, he realized that he’d never rocket into celebrity without the right look. Christy‘s invitation to a summer kick-off party was enough to convince him that a drastic makeover was imperative, and in the blink of an eye, he essentially became a contestant on “The Swan.”
Below is a quick and dirty set of directions, straight from Zach, on how to achieve a perfect new look for your perfect new elite lifestyle. Follow the guide to a T and you’ll become someone totally unrecognizable — and way better — in no time! Your transformation will blow Britney‘s bald head out of the water.
1) Let the shame of being lanky rain down upon you. At first, Zach was under the impression that a new wardrobe and hairdo worthy of “Jersey Shore” were all he needed to dazzle at Christy’s shindig, but when he realized it was actually a pool party he’d be attending, he went into Body Mass Index panic mode, and signed up for the gym without thinking twice. And then quit the gym without thinking twice…
2) Neglect to pick up your brother from baseball practice. Zach’s brother, Andy, reminded Zach countless times that he needed a ride home from practice, and Zach elected to let his requests fall on deaf ears. Thankfully, though, Andy’s being stranded turned out to be a total blessing, because when he finally arrived home on foot to hear Zach’s explanation of why working out trumped doing favors for family, Andy reminded him that even the most jacked movie stars turn to artificial means of toning for shirtless scenes. Painted-on abs made quitting the gym a lot easier. Move over, Chris Hemsworth.
3) Debut your transformation with a grand entrance. If nothing else, Zach Stone certainly knows how to grab attention, and with his sky-high hair in perfectly manicured shape and artificial tan freshly applied, he strode into Christy’s backyard like he owned the place, blasting an ill-thought-out round of Hanson‘s ’90s hit “MMMBop.” The party didn’t go as planned, but Zach’s big splash on the scene ensured people would be talking about him for long after. There’s no such thing as bad press when you’re “Gonna Be Famous.”
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