Nowadays, all it takes to get famous is a webcam and a little luck. A big ass helps. American culture is totally dominated by celebrity worship, and while we’re perfectly content to have our names printed in small type above a 200-word blog post (we sometimes even use pseudonyms for rush jobs), Zach Stone desperately wants his name plastered on billboards, hummed around water coolers and referenced in Eminem lyrics — even if he’s being called out as a putz. Pride does not play a factor in the plight to become a tabloid fixture, and though we doubt you need proof of that fact, it was still fun to gather this list of people who became the talk of the town for no good reason at all. Check it:
Name in Lights: Speidi
Claim to Fame: Reality TV villains
Yes, yes, we are 100 percent to blame for Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag‘s rise to stardom as one of the most hated couples in the history of Hollywood. But really, shouldn’t you be thanking us? Between their “Hills” plots to take down the innocent and their short-lived stint on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here” (in which they refused to eat the same food as the rest of the cast), these two once provided us with a constant source of entertainment, and in this neck of the woods, they are greatly missed.
Name In Lights: Tila Tequila
Claim to Fame: Re-naming herself after alcohol and then giving both men and women a “Shot at Love”
This one you can’t actually blame us for — we simply capitalized on the little lady’s rapidly growing My Space audience, and snatched her up for a few seasons of a dating competition catering to her bi-sexuality. That’s just good business. Since the series ended, Tequila’s cache has cleared…but we’ll always have the pig vagina-eating contest.
Name In Lights: Kim Kardashian
Claim to Fame: One sex tape and two luscious butt cheeks
Kim K is a strikingly gorgeous entrepreneur and reality star, but she used to be known only as Paris Hilton’s sidekick. It wasn’t til a sex tape she made with Ray J was leaked on the Internet that the world saw the potential for this famous-for-being-famous beauty — and her ass — to shine bright like a diamond. Most of the headlines she currently inspires surround her relationship with Kanye West and pregnancy fashions. It’s straight-up soul suckage.
Name In Lights: Rebecca Black
Claim to Fame: Being super-duper happy it’s Friday
We have to give this teen credit for having thick skin. After paying a production-for-hire company to record a debut single for her, and uploading the lo-fi music video to YouTube, the heavily auto-tuned “Friday” unfathomably received 167 million views…and over 3.1 million “dislikes.” Black took a lot of heat for the track’s lack of, er, polish, but she got the last laugh when she received some praise from Lady Gaga and was signed to a label.
Name in Lights: Alexis Neiers
Claim to Fame: Robbing real celebrities
Psyched to see “The Bling Ring“? Well, this chick’s one of the young thiefs that inspired it. The convicted felon and recovering heroin addict, who snagged herself an E! reality series after being arrested, is now a happily married mom; but back in 2009, she and her circle of friends reportedly stole $3 million in cash and belongings from various celebrities. Coincidentally, most of it was jacked from our final name on the list…
Name in Lights: Paris Hilton
Claim to Fame: Being born to a rich guy, dating other rich guys and having her s**t stolen
Sure, she’s exhibited some music and acting talent by now (“The Hottie and The Nottie” was gripping), but when people began chirping about Miss Hilton way back when, her only accomplishments were having a recognizable last name and going to parties. She also contributed to making hair extensions popular. (Ugh, and yes, we gave her a show.)
+ We know, we know: There are a million more names we left out. But this post exceeded our 200 word count limit more than threefold, and now our knuckles are squeaking. So, while we oil up, how about you tell us who we forgot to add? And, of course, make sure to check out the premiere of “Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous” tonight at 10:30/9:30c!
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Photos: MTV, Splash News