Rob Dyrdek has taught us so many things over the years, from what it means to love a Big man to how the awesomeness of being a kid can live on within a “Fantasy Factory.” However, when it comes to cautionary tales, there is no finer teaching tool than Rob’s crowning glory: the ode to accidents we call “Ridiculousness.” Each week, we’ll pass along the three most valuable life lessons handed down by Rob and his crew in order to keep you safe, sound and off of this show.
Life Lesson #1: If you’re trying to jump onto a moving car, the jump is the most critical part of the equation.
Getting hit by cars really f**king sucks, which is why people spend the better part of their lives trying to avoid ever having that happen. However, if you’re trying to impress your friends with a video where you jump up onto the hood of a moving car like some kind of low-rent Evil Knievel, you must remember the jump. If Steve-O or Johnny Knoxville consistently forgot half of the trick on “Jackass,” it would have been called “Corpse.”
Life Lesson #2: A lacrosse stick cannot put out the fire in your pants.
Everyone’s had that feeling like they’re the odd man out in a group of friends, but thankfully, few of us have ever had our suspicions confirmed by having a bunch of lit firecrackers put down the back of our pants. Should this ever happen to you, first, try to identify the source of the problem, rather than grabbing a large piece of sports equipment and swinging it around a crowded room. Trying to put out a fire with a lacrosse stick is like trying to catch a fish with a basketball hoop: You look stupid and it just ain’t gonna happen.
Life Lesson #3: Real men puke through pain.
If entering a weight lifting competition doesn’t make you feel like a pretty macho guy already, up the ante by puking your guts out. You’ve already made it this far, so don’t let anything (even buckets upon buckets of projectile vomit) stop you from lifting. Who’s not going to give the medal to a guy who put his blood, sweat and puke into the competition?
+What other life lessons did you learn from last night’s episode? Let us know in the comments!
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