New Year’s resolutions: Often made, rarely kept. From avowals to hit the gym more frequently to vague golden rule-commitments, few of us are still on track with our self-directed promises by the time February rolls around. Doesn’t mean we should be any less hopeful for 2013, though, and since we know MTV talent and cast members inside and out, we decided to give them some advice on what to do with tomorrow and the other 364 days that follow.
The trials these folks endured in 2012 will definitely have a lasting impact on who they should strive to be in the coming year. From respecting lessons learned through a wild chicken-attack to really trying to bury the hatchet, here are a collection of suggested pledges the MTV crowd should make when the ball drops tonight!
Resolution: Be Wary Of Karma
The partners-in-crime learned the hard way that when you prank, you’re gonna get pranked. Unloading a huge, dead fish into their male housemates’ bathroom earned them a retaliatory collection of chickens hidden in their bed. Then: blood-curdling screams! MaToya, here’s your resolution: Respect the laws of karma–if you dish it out, you’re gonna have to take it. Or, at the very least, learn to check between the sheets before hitting the hay.
Resolution: Do Away With Indecision
By the time Jenna Hamilton had chosen to pursue a relationship with Matty McKibben over Jake Rosati at the end of “Awkward” Season 2, she had completely exhausted her love triangle conundrum. And even after having finally committed to her fling from summer camp, she still wasn’t sure she’d made the right choice. J, it’s time we hit you with a truth-bomb: This is getting out of hand. Yes, matters of the heart are confusing, but this has gotten a little out of hand. Be decisive–if not for yourself, then for the pure fact that keeping this charade up will probably earn you more V-Time, and ain’t NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
Resolution: Play Nice
Frank and Zach’s mutual hatred on “Real World: San Diego” was tough to watch, but when they combined their efforts and focused their aggression on Sam during “BOTS,” it got even worse. Team San Diego came out of “The Challenge” with a first-place finish, but the reunion proved the combustible hotheads still haven’t learned how to let bygones be bygones and get along. Guys, it’s time to mend fences. The fact that Zach, Frank and Ashley are all friends is proof anyone can make up, so let’s all take a second, breathe and reboot. Frank and Sam used to be good buds, and we’d like to see them that way again.
Resolution: Learn To Bake
Most disgusting prank ever? Why, yes, Paula has officially earned the honor. But if Mike had made his own cake, or possessed a master baker’s knowledge of pastry impurities, then he never would have eaten a dessert that had been…you-know-whatted…by his ex-girlfriend’s pal. Mike, there’s no time like January 1 to take up a new culinary arts class (the discounts!), and we think your most recent summer in Seaside Heights is proof that it could do you some good.
Resolution: Stay True To Your Mud-Slingin’ Selves
The cast of “BUCKWILD” made one thing very clear in the trailer for their upcoming show: They’re gonna do whatever the f*** they want. And why shouldn’t they? Sure, their afternoon strolls on train tracks and mud-pit wrestling sessions might not be what we’re used to, but it takes all types, and as long as these kids stay true to their genuine selves, 2013 should be nothing but one hell of a good time. Keep on keepin’ on!
The “Snooki & JWOWW” phone saw more verbal altercations than a high school cafeteria, and much of the drama centered on Roger’s anger toward Jenni’s white-lie tendencies. We get that JWOWW didn’t think a little untruth here or there was a big deal, but if a 100-percent honesty policy is all it takes to avoid phone blowups, we say: Go for it. Let’s give Graham Bell a break in 2013, huh? Guy is rolling in his grave.
Dig Remote Control? Follow us on Twitter, like, now.