Gorilla Juiceheads, Guidettes And Other Indigenous Species Of ‘Jersey Shore’: An Anthropological Study

In 2009, the MTV audience was introduced to a completely new species of man. Known only to exist within small pockets of the world–mainly the Eastern Seaboard of North America–the male Gorilla Juicehead and female Guidette, as well as their human/food hybrid, The Meatball, were thrust into our pitiful, meaningless lives with the fervor of intoxicated cheetahs, effectively stripping all boredom from our Thursday nights (henceforth known as “Jerzdays”) and changing pop culture at large with omnipresent references to acronyms such as GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry), FTD (Fresh To Death) and DTF (Down To F***). In this investigative short, we attempt to sum up the genus’ mating habits, preening rituals and dialect, though it is still a limited picture of its depth. We recommend viewing all six seasons of “Jersey Shore,” currently airing consecutively on MTV, for a deeper examination.

As our final Jerzday draws uncomfortably close, let us honor this rare breed’s vivacity and the territory it claimed in our hearts. Watch the doc:

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Photo: Scott Gries/Picture Group