We love you longtime, Jay, but we’re onto your game. There hasn’t been this much yapping on TV since Puck from “Real World,” with your crude dick jokes, exaggerated sexcapades, self-love fests and failed edumacation on precisely how the ladies like it. You’re a desperate virgin with a penchant for B.S., but no matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to get your hilarious “Inbetweeners” one-liners outta our heads:
“I’m so good at sex now. Go deep. Just, like, real deep to the balls. Personally, I like to go in past the balls.” While Will was pooping in public, Jay was schooling the fellas on his busy summer spent trapping beaver and sexing “R.V. girls.”
“I’m already up to my nuts in guts. I’m just trying to help you guys bang something other than your right hands.” Unless you want to die with your V-card, ya gotta live on the edge–hence Jay’s bright idea to skip class. Side note: It’s the left hand for Neil.
“I [take dick pics] all the time. It’s like a bat signal for snizz. Chicks always text back a beaver shot. You wouldn’t be able to tell what it was because they take it from the inside.” We’re not sure what snizz is…or how one might even get a camera up…er, nevermind.
“I’m a licensed busherman. Ya know, bush.” Yeah, right, and we’re licensed in designing tiny jeans for Justin Bieber dolls.
“Definitely gonna minivan a girl tonight. Two in the front, five in the back!” Jay dished on his future sexual plans while wearing a top hat and a candy necklace, because, ya know, that’s what folks wear to the club. P.S. The minivan sounds…not awesome.
“Sexiness is something you’re born with. For me, it’s like breathing. Why don’t you ask the hottie I’ve been raw-doggin’ for the last three weeks.” We’ll pass.
“A jacuzzi jet is the perfect diameter to stick your dingus in. For the perfect orgasm.” Aaaaaand worst idea ever.
+ Did we miss any Jay-isms? Comment with your favorite one-liners from the busherman!
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