Roger‘s endless sex requests and Jenni‘s endless rejections are starting to get as old as, well, Roger himself. (Just kidding, Rog! We love ya, buddy.) Whatever the guy’s been doing to secure a little smush action from his praying mantis sure ain’t workin’, and it’s starting to really look pitiful. We nearly choked on our Snooki Burger during last week’s “Snooki & JWOWW” when it seemed that our favorite up-and-down couple was on the verge of calling it dunzo, but luckily they worked things out. Now, if only poor Rog could get it in.
As good samaritans, we’re giving up some free tips for how Roger can get his girl to warm up the ol’ crown jewels. Let’s just hope he listens.
1. Only post flattering pictures of her on Twitter. Seriously, bro? Tweeting photos of your sleeping beauty sans makeup with a fly-catcher plastered to her mug is no way to get laid. In case you didn’t know, your girlfriend is smokin’ hot…so stick to publicizing pics like these.
2. Break out the massage oil. JWOWW said it herself on her own blog: “A good massage can do wonders by making both of you feel comfortable and relaxed. It’s a great way to ease into smushing and heightens your senses.” Ya hear that, mister? Rub her right, and she’ll rub you right! Win win.
3. Speed it up! And be gentle. Jenni recently admitted over tea and scones that sex is “too much work.” When your man is 260 pounds of pure gorilla-slash-jackhammer, riding the waves for 45 minutes can’t be easy. Want to make magic in the sack? Cut the time in half and ease up on your girl’s pelvic bone.
4. Show your emotions. Don’t be afraid to wear your heart on the sleeve of your Affliction T-shirt every once in awhile. Last week’s waterworks meant a lot to Jenni, so exchange the tough for tender more often and you might get more than a hug in return.
5. Be Jenni’s equal; not her dad. Chill it with the unwarranted lecturing and parental guidance. Jenni needs a partner; not a father figure. And while you’re at it, cool it with the chlamydia chatter in front of her actual pop.
+ Any additional advice for Roger? Leave it for him here!
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