When it comes to high school parties, the distance between a house’s first floor (parent-land) and the basement (secret party-central) might seem like a mile, but the two areas are ultimately just separated by a few incriminating steps. Still, the pre-college years just wouldn’t be the same without a couple of downstairs get-downs, and since Jenna, Tamara and crew are no strangers to awkward parties, we decided to use them as a model for how to conduct such shindigs. Here are some basic rules for how a subterranean fiesta should go, but whatever you do, don’t get us in troubs for passing the word along:
Don’t Drink The Punch: The whole reason Matty became Jenna’s Matty isn’t because he seduced her in the most romantic of supply closets, it was because he was dipping into some of that spiked bug juice. When the cocktails taste more like Hi-C than alcohol, everyone’s in for some trouble. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear…but no one’s been able to remember the slogan for boozy punches, unsurprisingly. How about…liquor that tastes like candy, and someone’s gonna get way too handsy? Yeah, we’re down with that one.
Keep The Guest List Small: Our girl Jenna’s group of homies is approximately five peeps-deep, and the drama between them is still insanity to the max. We’re already scared of what fights, couples and hookups can develop just between them, let alone with 20 more classmates, frenemies and secret crushes in the mix. Moral of the story: Pick your invitees verrrrry carefully.
Don’t Wake Daddy: Whatever you do, do not let your parents downstairs. Once their old-people spidey sense picks up on all the teenage tomfoolery, you’ll never be able to party in peace again. Remember how Jenna’s dad broke up a hot tub moment? Let’s not recreate the scene. Distract your ‘rents by sitting them down in front of a pre-recorded marathon of their favorite show. You know Lacey would never be able to resist a “Real Housewives” marathon.
Sort Out The Bathroom Situation, Stat: Pretty self-explanatory–the only thing worse than having your BFF pee her pants in front of her longtime crush is being grounded until long after you eventually clean up the mess you left. Speaking of which…
Don’t Leave Crumbs: If no one can see or hear it, it never happened, and Jenna’s learned that the hard way. J’s blog entries from months back are somehow coming to the surface, and now one stranger has access to her most embarrassing, cringeworthy thoughts. And hey, did anyone forget what would have happened if the Sanctuary hookup footage would have been broadcast to the world? In the digital age, incriminating evidence is never truly erased, so set up a phone dump near the stairs.
+ Have your own tips? Leave them in the comments!
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