The Best ‘Snooki & JWOWW’ One-Liners From The Series Premiere

Sure, we all have a few funny one-liners in us, but you probably won’t argue when we say that Snooki and Jenni have mastered the art form. Check out a few of our favorite snort-tastic phrases from last week’s series premiere of “Snooki & JWOWW,” and make sure to tune in tonight at 10:30/9:30c for another round!

“See, I think kosher food is, like, organic, healthy food. But Jewish people eat organic food, too. So I feel like it’s all in the same.” -Snooki
When Nicole broke the news to her mother that she’s finally ready to move to the big city (sort of–it is still Jersey, Snooks), Mama Polizzi kindly reminded her baby girl about the trials and tribulations of grocery shopping. “Is kosher the right word for Jenni?” Snooki asked. Memo to little S: JWOWW didn’t get her rock-solid bod from eating chopped liver.

“[Nicole] doesn’t clean, she doesn’t make her bed, she doesn’t do laundry, she doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean again, she likes to get drunk, she likes to get wasted, she likes to have a good time, she likes to get drunk, she likes to get wasted.” -JWOWW
Jenni’s BF Roger didn’t take the shacking-up news quite as well as Mrs. Polizzi. “You couldn’t live in Antarctica in a f**king igloo with Nicole and not be crazy,” he said. Judging by her response above, Jenni didn’t exactly disagree… then again, she didn’t yet know about Snooki’s mini meatball.

“Say we don’t put any light bulbs on, and we use candles. See, it would actually save a lot of money if you think about it. I know a lot of Amish people do it. And they’re rich, I feel. They have their own freakin’ companies. Like, everywhere.” -Snooki
Snooki got all sorts of confused when Captain Obvious Papa Polizzi began explaining the ways of renting, utilities, electricity and sewer bills. “You have to pay to take a s**t?” she asked. We echo your concern, Snooki. Our dumps come free of charge where we live, too.

“If Roger does anything while I’m gone, his dick will be above my fireplace. Like, let’s get real.” -JWOWW
And you better believe it won’t be a Clone-A-Dick.

“Can you not wipe your vagina with my bagel?” -Snooki
Jenni (along with Nicole’s blunt assistance) made it clear to realtor Victor that not only did she have to use the bathroom, but she also happened to be housing Aunt Flo. The absence of simple pleasures like toilet paper meant that Jen had to opt for bagel napkins. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Instead of life throwing me a curve ball, it threw me a sperm ball. Obviously.” -Snooki
We’ve already submitted this to the one-liner Hall of Fame.

+ Did any other one-liners make you shoot Ron-Ron Juice out your nose? Tell us in the comments!

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