For every mother, there comes a time when their child asks, "Hey, what did you used to be like? You know, before you got pregnant and became a boring old hag who constantly nags me to replace the toilet paper roll?" There's no escaping such innocent curiosity, and eventual judgment, on whether or not the person who taught them where to poop was once cool.
Most moms have a few exciting stories from their glory days ("I once shoplifted a bra from JCPenney!" "I got high with Limp Bizkit's drummer!") and a plethora of non-Instagrammed photos that feature dated hairstyles and the faces of long-forgotten boyfriends, but when Snooki's moment to let it all hang out arrives, the middle-aged meatball's blast back to the past will need a PowerPoint presentation and video montage complete with bleeped-out sound bites and faded neon underpants featuring her baby-daddy's name on the ass.
+ Read the full story on Snooki's pregnancy at MTV News.
Until the time comes for this epic show-and-tell (say, when the kid is old enough to know what causes a UTI), she might want to shield him or her from YouTube (maybe even Turner Classics?), but in the meantime, she might as well make preparations for the big unveiling.
Having watched every single episode of "Jersey Shore"--twice--from its inception, we've got a few video clip suggestions sure to give Snooki's kid an idea of her heyday. Check out these Season 5 gems and the valuable lessons than can be culled from them.
1. Don't take alcohol from strangers.
2. There's a time and a place for chicken cutlets.
3. Be open to new adventures.
4. College isn't necessary, but the Ultimate Tanning Institute is a must.
5. Life can be tough. Walk hard, and wear a trucker hat.
6. Be kind to animals. Even seagulls.
7. Minimum wage isn't worth your time.
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Photo: Ian Spanier