If Joan Rivers' life story and a bunch of penguins were considered worthy of movie treatments, who's to say "Jersey Shore" shouldn't one day own the silver screen spotlight? Deena recently told the New York Daily News that if and when a film modeled after her second family happens, she's got one person in mind to take on her meatball likeness: Sandra Bullock. Yessir, Ms. Congeniality herself!
Naturally, this set off some sparks in our heads, as we wondered which Hollywood stars have got the chops to take on the guidos and guidettes of Seaside Heights, and here's what we came up with:
Kristin Kreuk as Sammi Sweetheart: She’s got a history on "Smallville," so we know there's some experience dealing with hulking guys who could make beds move without much effort. Plus, there's a true resemblance (that hair!). This actually might be a photo of Sammi--we're not completely sure. Wonder if Kristin double-bras it, too.
Tila Tequila as Snooki: Tila is short, wild and already familiar with MTV proceedings. Plus, she makes out with girls habitually (it was once the premise of her show), and no amount of alcohol has proven too much for the potential meatball. She’s just one bunny costume and a pickle juice craving away from a shoo-in, and if TT were to ever utter "party's here," we're confident we'd confuse her voice for Nicole's.
Jenna Jameson as JWOWW: Jenna Jameson is one of few Tinseltowners that makes Jenni look like a prude. The girl has napkins with more square footage than her sweaters and has a long history of not wearing pants. Plus, she’s got a kid, so surely she could take on the role of house mother. Oh, and let's not beat around the bush--they both have giant racks.
Charlie Sheen as "The Situation": Charlie could stand to put a tanning bed to work, but the guy’s erratic behavior over the past year has proved he can handle the task of replicating Mike’s moody ways. It’s possible Sitch hasn't tasted tiger's blood, but he'd probably like it if he ever gave it a chance--he's familiar with days-old food, after all. If Sheen got into the gym a couple times a week and untucked his shirt, we'd have an ace in the hole.
Channing Tatum as Vinny: Doppelgangers in every sense of the word. The shaved head is a Channing mainstay, plus if the guy can handle "Step Up," he can surely take on fist-pumping at Karma. Sure, he might need some purple pants, but he was a college athlete, so kite-flying won't be too trying. Oh! And he's got a "Let Go, Let God" tattoo etched across his chest. No? He doesn't? Well he should.
Vin Diesel as Ronnie: A while back we thought that Ron could handle being an action star, so why not have an action star play him? Vin Diesel is a brick house who could take someone down in “one shot.” Plus, he's survived car chases, mountainous explosions and government conspiracies, so handling fights with Sammi Kristin shouldn't be too tough a task.
Ryan Gosling as Pauly D: Gosling is no stranger to wowing the ladies--particularly in the last year--and has surely dealt with stalkers as consequence. He can stop a fight without much trouble, plus the thought of watching the fallout of his eating Sandra Bullock's "I'm Sorry" cake is something we'd pay to see. Can we fashion his hair into a blowout? Hard to say, but it's definitely worth a try.
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Photos: Ian Spanier for MTV, Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images, Larry Busacca/Getty Images, Ethan Miller/Getty Images, Doug Meszler/Splash News, Christopher Polk/Getty Images, Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images, Splash News, FrazerHarrison/Getty Images