The twentysomething Brooklynites of "I Just Want My Pants Back" might be masters of witty banter, but their actions speak louder than words--and their actions are often questionable. We're taking a look at the most amateurish (yet awesome) behavior exhibited each week, and keeping a running tally of who's least likely to ever ditch the training wheels and leave the borough's squalor behind them.
JASON: There's no doubt that dead-end-jobbed Jason is a good guy at his core. Sure, he's looking for an easy lay when we first meet him on "I Just Want My Pants Back," but it's really only because he wants that easy lay to turn into a relationship. And when he finds Jane, a girl with whom he really connects, he's elated. So elated, in fact, that he decides to bump uglies with her in the refrigerator. The girl leaves the next morning, gives him a fake number and steals his pants, but Jason is convinced he and Jane are meant to be, and goes as far as to post a "Missed Connection" ad on Craigslist to track her down.
Guess what? She's not coming back, and no amount of virtual quipping will change it.
AMATEUR STANDING: Gold
TINA: This blonde beauty does her best to convey the idea that she's a hardened cynic. The girl famous for uttering "my soul hurts" is fixated on a guy named Brett, who's unresponsive and seemingly uninterested. Still, she just can't let him go--not even prowling environmental preservation parties for lawyers can change that. So when a nice intern at her office offers her attention, and she accidentally takes his virginity, she vows to break it off but continues to lead him on. When Tina finally works up the nerve to let the guy go, she notices he's been busy spreading the gift of his non-virginized self, and Tina is disappointed.
A guy who...who wants sex? PSYCHOSIS. Nice to meet you, Tina's naïveté.
AMATEUR STANDING: Silver
STACEY: This grad student is madly in love with her boyfriend and fellow higher studies-seeker Eric, but assumes that since the guy is kind, she can edge him out in an argument with the slightest domineering act. When she impulsively buys a mattress that Eric warns her against, she discovers it had been sold to her after being picked up off the street and must admit to her better half that it's possible she should have listened to him.
You can't always get what you want, Stacey. Especially if what you want is a mattress that doesn't have other people's bodily fluids all over it.
AMATEUR STANDING: Bronze
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