‘Jersey Shore’ Season 5, Episode 1: Sex, Lies And ‘The Unit’

Famous museums. Beautiful architecture. Limitless fresh mozzarella. Italy offers everything a cultured jet-setter could want, but as Pauly D pointed out during his final moments in the country, guidos happen to require a little more: “I cannot get my hair cut out here, I can’t go tanning out here and the gym sucks.” His toilet bowl complexion confirmed it, so after weeks in the homeland, the “Jersey Shore” cast was ready to return to their true homeland, Seaside Heights. One last high-kick from the Sitch and they were off!

Familiar sights and sounds welcomed back the eight housemates, who were quickly challenged with keeping Mike and his habitual troublemaking out of each of their rooms. Ultimately, the group decided to stay in the same beds they’d slept in the summer before (Snooks had peed in hers as a means to mark it, after all) and Sam and Ron were forced to cozy up again with the guy who incited the cement wall freakout only weeks prior.

After downing a few celebratory cocktails, the group met up with Danny at the Shore Store and hammered out a plan for drinks the next day. With a good night’s sleep and some much-needed GTL under their belts, a newly faux-hawked Vinny and crew pulled up to local bar Captain Hook’s, where family and friends cheered for the octet they hadn’t seen in weeks. Deena let a few happy tears loose at the sight of her sister and JWOWW was thrilled to see her father and boyfriend, Roger, but the experience unnerved Vinny, and he couldn’t seem to get a grip on what exactly he was feeling.

Invited as part of Sitch’s posse,”The Unit” finally showed his face, but once Snooks realized he was in the mix, she put up her guard and attempted to stay as far away from the guy as possible. The plan didn’t work, and just as quickly as Snooki and Unit locked eyes, they were at each other’s throats (watch the fight in the video clip below). Unit was ready to put the Meatball on blast for her alleged affair with his friend, but Mike talked his buddy down from rehashing the argument that had torn the house apart overseas. The housemates began to wonder why Snooki was so bent on defending herself if she had nothing to hide.

While Snooki and Jionni removed themselves from the threat of a fight completely once the whole party made its way back to the house, Sitch demanded Unit remove his pants and accept a fresh pair of underwear. Sammi overheard and questioned Mike’s sexuality.

Meanwhile, in another room, Deena gazed longingly at the object of her affection, Pauly D, as he christened his trusty twin bed with Snooki’s best friend, Ryder, who quickly became the brunt of a lot of “ryding” jokes.

When Snooki came-to the next morning, she apologized to Unit to appease Mike, noting that she would never have otherwise. Vinny continued to struggle with homesickness and anxiety, which came to a head at the group’s first club outing to Aztec, when he threw in the towel early and bounced for the night. Snooki continued to worry that Mike was playing mind games with Jionni, and feared he had something up his sleeve. Unfortunately, Mike had Jionni in the palm of his hand, having convinced J he was a nice guy, and Snooki would simply have to wait and hope that whatever did or did not happen stayed under wraps.

Dig Remote Control? Follow us on Twitter, like, now.