OBIT: Whitney Port, Vinny Guadagnino Fall Victim To Missile Strikes

Most holiday celebrants have been busy corralling stray tinsel and killing that last piece of post-Christmas apple pie, but Whitney Port and Vinny Guadagnino recently fell victim to a missile strike while practicing jazz squares in the living room and enjoying a good book, respectively.

The jaunty “City” star and the “Jersey Shore” housemate (or their remains) posted the carnage to their websites only days after overdosing on Chanukah gelt and singing carols with family. Kin could not be reached for comment as they were too deep in mourning and too confused by the plywood and decorative sconces that remained in perfect condition after the airstrike.

Services are expected to be announced soon. The families ask for donations to local ballroom academies and libraries in lieu of flowers.

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Photos courtesy of WhitneyPort.Celebuzz.com and WhoSay.Com/VinnyGuadagnino