5 Suggested New Year’s Resolutions For Beavis and Butt-Head

Saying that Beavis and Butt-Head are far from perfect is as much of an understatement as saying that Snooki has a slight tan. The boys could use a fresh start, so as part of their path to becoming great men, we’ve listed a few resolutions that they should consider adopting in 2012. The goal, of course, is for them to obtain more chicks and “cool” stuff while simultaneously maximizing time spent on the couch. Take a look at our top five changes the duo should plan to make in the new year. One thing’s for sure: You won’t find any diet schemes here.

1. Get More Chicks: It’s pretty self-explanatory, especially since the guys have completely hit rock-bottom in this domain. We hope they used their holiday vacation wisely and crafted a few seduction tactics that don’t involve traipsing around abortion clinics for single ladies.

2. Install A Nacho Cheese Dispenser In The House: So much valuable TV time is wasted obtaining that sweet liquid gold. B+B should plan on putting their own cheese pump in the kitchen so they don’t have to run out to the 7-Eleven every other hour.

3. Upgrade To Premium Cable: If the dudes are going to turn into the true, boob tube juggernauts they dream of becoming, it’s going to require real commitment. And that means coughing up the bucks for another 700 channels. If they don’t know what’s airing on Cloo TV Network, the boys don’t stand a chance.

4. Work On Getting Their Own “Situations”: Thanks to copious amounts of TV watching, Beavis and Butt-Head have noticed that The Situation always manages to find girls that are DTF. The abs seem to be Mike’s ticket, but since we already know these two professional couch surfers won’t enjoy exercising, they could just buy the spray-on obliques that come from a can.

5. Write The Great Cornholio’s Autobiography: After his brush with cult fame, The Great Cornholio might believe that it’s time for his wisdom to be distributed to the masses. Clear out your reading schedule and ready your TP, folks.

+ What do you think about our suggestions for Beavis and Butt-Head? Share your thoughts on their resolutions and throw in any of your own ideas. Just remember, they’re not really into anything that requires effort.

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