Mark Long, shirtless in the Dominican Republic for MTV's "Battle of the Exes."
Now that "Road Rules" has been off the air for nearly five years, each new "Challenge" installment sees fewer and fewer of its alumni. Team Blue, which used to rack up championships like they were child's play, is almost extinct, while "Real World" continues to pump out kids like The Duggars. "Battle Of the Exes" features only three of RR's finest, and if Rachel or Abram don't have enough spring in their step to victoriously cross the finish line, it's all up to Mark Long, who was first on MTV when you had to get your ass off the couch and manually change the channel.
Sure, Mark looks like he swallows dumbbells, and he could probably dismember the better part of the cast, but keep in mind he's about a year and an AARP subscription away from senior citizenship. Now at 40, he's TWENTY-ONE years older than itty-bitty Priscilla, whom he might have to see in battle.
Because Scrillz was enjoying juice through sippy cups when Mark was a U of Florida alumnus and one of five strangers on that famous RV, we though we'd give you a cheat sheet outlining the big guy's 16-year journey through the wide world of MTV.
Mark and his teammates on the first "Road Rules" season, when he was just 23.
1995: "Road Rules: USA" -- Mark has to survive the likes of skinny-dipping and going to a concert (THE HORROR!) to win his handsome reward, which is a trip around Europe. And SPOILER: He's a nice guy.
1999: "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" -- In the second "Challenge," and the first to feature a two-team format, Mark and his fellow Road Rulers hold team "Real World" to only two victories and win a teddy bear and a bunch of cash. History repeats itself--Mark is a nice guy, and has two wins under his belt.
Mark dons a headdress for Puck's wedding on "Battle of the Sexes."
2002: "Battle of the Sexes" -- Mark outlasts 15 dudes to become one of three final men to face the three toughest broads across "Real World" and "Road Rules" in the season's final mission. While the girls seem to have the guys beat when they solve a puzzle that leaves the guys stumped, Mark shows his first traces of non-nice guy behavior: He, Colin and Jamie take a looksie at how the girls complete the thing, copy the formula brick-by-brick and smoke Team Pink across the remainder of the obstacle course. Still a nice guy? Sure, but we're certainly not leaving our checkbook lying around on the counter or anything.
2004: Battle of the Sexes 2 -- Prepare yourself for a sickening helping of nice guy. After playing the game flawlessly, Mark decides to throw the penultimate mission and vote himself off, sure that securing Arissa as a final-mission competitor will slow down Sophia and Coral and ensure victory for his own three teammates. Nice guy standing: off the charts.
Mark and Aneesa take the bronze in the final mission of "Duel 2."
2005 and 2009: "The Gauntlet 2" and "The Duel 2" -- Sequels just aren't Mark's bag, and though he makes it to the end of both "Challenges," he's slowed down by a smattering of chicks that chain-smoke and don't like to run. Tough break, dude. And even though Mark screams at former girlfriend Robin during an isolated night of drunken infamy, he's still a pretty nice guy.
Which brings us to..."Battle Of The Exes!" Will Mark and Robin put their differences aside to take home the gold? Make sure to tune in to the first episode on Jan. 25 at 10/9c to see if the guy who's steps away from the old folks' home can put all those little whipper snappers in their place.
Dig Remote Control? Follow us on Twitter, like, now.
Photos: Rene Cervantes, MTV.com