Beavis And Butt-Head Take On Kim Kardashian’s Failed Marriage

Beavis And Butt-Head always have a unique perspective on pop culture trends and happenings (whatever it is, it’s “stupid,” no matter what). And since we’re pretty fond of imitating their gruff banter, we’re being so bold as to craft an imaginary page out of an imaginary episode’s script. This week, we’re taking on how we think the guys might react to Kim Kardashian’s impending divorce….

Beavis and Butt-Head approach the couch with chili dogs, sit down and turn on the TV to watch “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event.”

Beavis

Who’s that? She’s, like, really hot. Heh.

Butt-Head

I don’t know, Beavis. What’s with her butt? And why is she, like, marrying that guy who looks like Frankenstein? She’s like the Bride of Frankenstein, and her mom’s, like, crying black stuff everywhere. Maybe she’s, like, allergic to all those flowers.

Beavis

Maybe she’s, like, sad all these people are watching her daughter exchange nuptials with, like, a crypt creature. Heh. Maybe, like, vampires will meet them at the reception and, like, ask Mario Lopez if he knows where to get a cocktail with mostly blood, and he’ll be like, ‘no,’ and they’ll, like, just totally bite his neck and, like, drink his.

Butt-Head

Heh.

Anderson Cooper interrupts the broadcast with breaking news: Kim Kardashian is divorcing Kris Humphries.

Beavis

Wait, are they like, getting divorced now? Bruce Jenner is still, like, doing the foxtrot on plywood.

Butt-Head

Do you think, like, Raven-Symoné is pissed she came? Like, she’s had all of two tartlets and they’re like, telling her their undying love is already dead and she, like, has to leave.

Beavis

Is this chick, still, like, getting into another dress? She’s like, getting divorced, but still, like, smiling for the cameras and totally, like, negotiating the severance of assets out of frame.

Butt-Head

Do you think this officiator was like, in class at the convent one day and totally like, ‘Please, Lord. Like, I don’t ask for much, but, like, grant me the wish of one day marrying this woman with money to burn, to like, this really tall guy, so I can, like, watch that union dissolve before the triangle brownies get passed around? Like, will you do me that solid, Lord?’ And they, like, agree to it. Heh.

Beavis

And the Lord’s, like, ‘Fine, just like, get me a piece of the cake, but like, not one with like, a marzipan swan on it because it totally, like, hurts my teeth.’ Heh heh.

Butt-Head

No one’s, like, fighting or looks, like, surprised. This sucks.

Beavis

Yeah, this is, like, stupid.

Beavis and Butt-Head turn off the TV and exit the room.

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Photo: Ilya S. Savenok/Getty Images