A Breakdown Of Sammi and Ronnie’s Crazy 6-Step Love Cycle

Fist-pump the problems of a regular couple up a notch, add a sketchy mix of alcohol and insecurity, and whaddya get? Sometimes sweethearts Sammi and Ronnie. The on/off pair is the closest thing the “Jersey Shore” has to a prom king and queen, but boy do they have issues.

Ron and Sam alternate from smushing to screaming matches so quickly that there usually isn’t time to change the sheets. While we’re still trying to figure out why this explosive duo can’t call it quits for realz, we have been able to find a pattern in all the mayhem that may help us predict what they’ll do next. Take a look at the breakdown and see if you can make sense of it all.

1. The Fresh Start: Semisonic was onto something when they included the wisdom “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” in their song “Closing Time.” But Sammi and Ronnie didn’t get the memo. Instead of coming up with something new, they just hit the restart button and try to redo their faulty relationship, over, and over, and over again. We actually thought a trip to Italy might nip this in the bud. How silly of us!

2. The Jealous Phase: The happy, fuzzy, hopeful beginning from above lasts about two hours before the suspicion starts to reignite. With the initial flirtation out of the way, Sammi and Ronnie go back into full-blown creeper paranoia mode, exploding at one another for any kind of questionable interaction with the opposite sex, which can include texting, dancing, smiling–you name it.

3. Confusion Stage 1: This is the point where one member of the couple begins to question if the attempted rekindling was worth it. Instead of breaking out the Magic 8 Ball (or referring to their past decisions) to get a quick answer, they sit and brood, tear up and stare off into the distance. Did Ronnie really make out with all those girls at the club? Is Sammi really the sweetheart she claims to be? The clouds don’t have the answer.

4. A Stupid Decision: After all that thinking and crying and conversing with clouds, Sammi and Ronnie usually come to the conclusion to do something violent rather than reasonable. Faces have been punched, belongings destroyed and hearts shattered, all in the name of ruining a relationship that seemed destined to fail in the first place. Wow, isn’t love grand?

5. The End…But Not Really: Don’t fool yourself — things never stop here. After whatever outburst they have in Step 4, there’s an itty-bitty period of separation that can span anywhere from a break between seasons to a flash of “The Situation‘”s abs. And moving on…

6. Confusion Stage 2: Rather than trying to attract new tail, the two now-single players usually spend their post-breakup days wondering if they made a huge mistake. Soon Sammi and Ronnie start to miss each other, and we all begin to sense that a reconciliation between the sheets isn’t far off.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

+ Pretty routine when you break it all down, right? After watching Sammi and Ronnie go through the motions during three seasons, what do think is best for them come Season 4? Sound off in the comments and let us know your thoughts on this never-ending relationship saga!