The 7 Biggest Wankers In Hollywood

You don’t know RJ Berger just yet, but give it time, you will. A total nerd, a complete dweeb and you guessed it, an absolute dork, RJ is a high school student stuck firmly in the lower level of the social hierarchy. But he does have one thing going for him: a giant penis. (Yes, we meant to write that.) And after everyone finds out this fun fact, his life is changed forever. Like another RJ before him (Ron Jeremy), he uses his colossal crank to turn his life around in MTV’s upcoming new series, “The Hard Times Of RJ Berger” (premieres June 6 at 11/10c).

So … in honor of RJ and his giant member, we present a list of Hollywood’s seven biggest boners. Enjoy!

LIAM NEESON
You may know him as an accomplished actor of stage and screen, but the women who have shared a bed with Liam Neeson know him as an accomplished actor of stage and screen with a huge wiener. According to former fling Janice Dickinson, Neeson had “the biggest penis of any man alive. He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out.” Good to know, Dick.

EWAN McGREGOR
Some of Hollywood’s largest wangs are also some of its most mysterious. That’s because a large dong reputation is often rooted in rumor and hearsay. Not so with Ewan McGregor, who’s flashed his bits in as many as three films so that just about everyone knows he’s packing a light saber in his underwear.

COLIN FARRELL
Like McGregor, Colin Farrell hasn’t been shy about whipping out his wang for the camera. But unlike McGregor, Farrell’s penis keeps getting left on the cutting room floor. First there was his nude scene in the 2004 film “A Home at the End of the World,” which was reportedly cut because it excited female viewers too much during test screenings. Later that same year the camera captured his dong for “Alexander,” but again, the scene was deleted. It was a decision that Farrell said made sense: “It’s a beautiful, gentle moment, and a f**king large c**k with huge b**ls is just f**king jarring.”

WILLEM DAFOE
Willem Dafoe is widely rumored to be the owner of Hollywood’s largest package. And while shooting his latest film, “Antichrist,” director Lars Von Trier found out for himself. The film called for Dafoe to hack off his own member, but when it came time to shoot the scene, Von Trier decided to use a dick double. Not because he wanted to keep ladies from getting too excited, but because Defoe’s penis is so large “everybody got very confused when they saw it.”

JAMES WOODS
The evidence that James Woods has huge wood is slim, but it’s a rumor that’s so well known in Hollywood that it’s taken as the undisputed truth. Plus, Woods has been known to often joke about the size of his member. His best was a response to a rumor that a former lover super-glued his penis to his leg. “Well, actually, it was to my ankle,” he said.

JARED LETO
It has been said that Jared Leto has “Hollywood’s biggest” baguette. Corroboration of that rumor comes from someone who would know. Porn star Corina Taylor, who once dated Leto, has said, “I’ve been a porn actress for three years, and Jared was the most I ever had to work with. There’s definitely a second career available for him if he ever runs out of mainstream work.”

DON JOHNSON
He may be best known for his white linen suits and well-manicured stubble, but Don Johnson’s, well, johnson might be his most prized asset. According to the book “Penis Size and Enlargement,” the “Miami Vice” star is hung like a speedboat. And a website with the authoritative name “Bulge Report” says that Johnson is sporting the penis of a porn king, which might actually be a line of work he’s moving into considering the name of his next film, “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy.”

Honorable mention: MILTON BERLE
Milton Berle may be dead, but the legend of Hollywood’s most famous dong lives on. Over the course of his career, the late actor became as well known for his prodigious penis as he was for his comedy. Berle’s wang was so large that comedian Phil Silvers once snuck a peek while taking a leak and said, “You’d better feed that thing, or it’s liable to turn on you!” Even after Uncle Milte’s 2002 passing, people were talking about his member. During a memorial service, a comedian friend of Berle’s announced, “On May 1 and May 2, his penis will be buried.”