GTF‘s Gina: DJ AM Was ‘The Reason I Came Back’ To Treatment

On Episode 2 of Gone Too Far, you met Gina, a heroin and PCP addict struggling to get clean with the help of DJ AM. We followed up with Gina on the phone a few days ago to find out where she’s at with her struggle to get and stay clean. With 32 (now 35) days under her belt, she admitted to being scared to watch herself on tonight’s show, as well as being equally nervous about the potential of relapsing again after treatment. Below, check out what else Gina told us about her roller-coaster road to recovery, plus watch this on-camera interview with her to hear how DJ AM’s death changed her outlook on life.

On watching herself on the Gone Too Far trailer and sneak peek: It was crazy seeing myself. It showed me how messed up I was. I’m very nervous for the episode to air, for the fact that everyone’s gonna see me … And a lot of people didn’t know then about my habit, or at least as deep as it was.

On seeing Amy’s story: I thought they made it look really good. They didn’t have too much of her getting high, which is a good thing. It was more about her recovery. That was really important. Most of what I remember of the filming is of me getting high, so I hope [they don't show all of it]. I really don’t remember too much though. A lot of things I’ve just forgotten, or I was too high to remember. I’m sure seeing some of the stuff will be surprising.

On DJ AM making a difference in her life: He said so many things that were real and down-to-earth. He talked to me on my level. One of the things he said that stuck out was that “home’s always gonna be there,” because I always have a problem going into treatments. I get homesick and I want to leave real quick, so him saying that [helped me stay].

He really came through for me. Just the fact that I was chosen for this show and the fact that he cared so much to fly to Connecticut to see me, even though I was disrespectful and stuff.

This is now my second time in treatment since the show. I relapsed right after I left the first rehab, but the reason I came back [to another one] was because he died. I wouldn’t have tried again if it weren’t for that situation. So he helped me even when he wasn’t around.

On her trip to the first treatment center: The plane ride was horrible because we did the intervention, and then I left right away. I didn’t have the bags that I hadn’t done with me, so I got on the plane really sick. It was really hard. Really hard. I was so nervous when I got there. Right away I wanted them to give me meds to feel better, but it took a long time to get. And I remember the minute I walked in, they were like, “Are you gonna throw up?” because I was drinking on the plane, and I was like, “No no no, I’m fine.” And then two minutes later I threw up all over my bed. I was a mess during detox — I wore two different shoes on my feet.

I stayed in the house for 30 days. It should have been 90, but like I said, I always have such a hard time and I was in a rush to go. It was such a nice place, too. I didn’t really need to rush. I had bought a plane ticket home without them knowing, but then it leaked out. At the airport I had already relapsed. My friends came with a bundle of dust. I smoked too much and I don’t remember anything, and I ended up in the hospital that same night.

On what’ll take to stay clean: I still talk to those friends, and that worries me this time around. This time, I’m working more on my PCP problem, whereas last time I was just working on my heroin. When I’m clean from heroin, it’s the PCP that gets to me. I am a little worried, so I’ve decided to stay at this place in California longer. I have to be far away. I’ve been here 32 days — I picked up my 30-day chip on the 14th — and I plan on staying ’til the end of November. I’m still having cravings, so I’ll either stay here longer after that or go to sober living. I’m also looking into [options] for when I get home. I can go to a transitional house for maybe another month, where I can work and go to meetings [on the outside].

I’m nervous I’m not going to find too many sober people back at home. I just really need to continue doing some type of program, whether it’s outpatient or meetings. I’ve never followed through with meetings, and what you hear is a lot of people saying that’s why they don’t succeed. So I just need to keep on going, and try not to forget where I was at.