Letter To Kevin: You Made Your Momma Proud! But Not Us.

Dear Kevin,

All season long on College Life, you made us nostalgic for the days when we too partied like irresponsible numnuts with no direction beyond what pizza toppings to order at 4am. You’re one funny dude. Plus, getting your GPA up to a 3.4 was rather impressive and probs earned you some extra brew money from your moms. Nice work! But here’s the thing: we feel the need to express that the way you handled The Mindy Situation was pretty unevolved … even for you, ya jackass.

To be fair, you’re not the first guy to ever decide he’s no longer into some girl he got down with over Spring Break. But then again, most dudes cut off all ties with their flings once the keg is tapped and the sun comes up in Cancun. It’s the humane approach, especially if you really aren’t a “relationship type guy.” Why string a gal along by staying in touch, and then giving her the green light to come visit?

Kev, Mindy really liked you. We think you knew that. (For future reference, just assume that any girl willing to drive six-and-a-half hours to see you again REALLY likes you.) So why’d ja have to give her hope if all you wanted was another platonic female friend like Colleen? (Who, BTW, is for reals in lurve with you.)

All that said, here’s a little advice for sophomore year because we still think there’s hope you’ll make a solid bf some day:

1) Don’t hook up with Colleen, even if she says she’s down with the whole friends-with-benefits thing. She’s not. She wants you to father her children, or at least for now be that special girl to change you into a relationship type guy. Trust us, we know a little something about it.

2) Next Spring Break, give the girl(s) a fake number. At least that way they won’t waste money on gas.

Enjoy your summer vacay and try not to knock anyone up!

Cheers,

Control Freak