Ever since I first heard about his Batman sheets
I thought "Kenny. Now there's the kinda guy I'd like to meet"
From his gentle narcissism to his sexy wristbands
To his bulging biceps and his "Yo, who da man?"s
He's clever and funny, and always making me laugh-y
The best thing to come out of Jersey (since saltwater taffy)
And I think it's sweet that he still lives with his 'rents
Free room, board and meals? Makes a whole lotta sense!
The only problem? He comes off just a smidge catatonic
And is his alliance with Johnny strictly platonic?
Kidding! But seriously, what red-blooded guy wouldn't wanna
Get frisky behind the mosquito net with Johanna?
(Dude, I get that you're hungry, but explain to me please
Why you'd trade dirty, Island sex for a royale with cheese?)
Also, I'm not sure I can handle going steady
With a guy who takes longer than me to get ready.
But you know what? All that seems like a small price to pay
For me to wake up next to Kenny (and Bruce Wayne!) every day
So wish me luck, people! I'm down on one knee
Kenny Santucci...will you marry me?
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