Robimal’s Boozy Breakup Reveals The Dangers Of Dating Under The Influence

Oh, Robimal. I’ve been intrigued by your unexpected coupling ever since the first time I saw you cuddling on the rickety Island hammock. And while I knew you had your problems (mainly the fact that one of you bears the well-earned nickname of The Danimal) I never thought it would end up with a drunken and extremely public breakup.

Okay, that’s sort of a lie.

You’ve both been known to hit the bottle pretty hard and since you’re stuck with the same (dwindling) number of people 24/7, it was only a matter of time before somebody snapped. But still, I didn’t think there would be all that below-the-belt talk about coitus interruptus and I DEFINITELY didn’t think your alcohol-fueled screaming match would inspire all your fellow Island-ers (including “Champagne goes straight to my vagina” Colie and legendary lush Derek) to wax intellectual about the dangers of blackout drunkenness.

In fact, I believe it was Colie who said that “Robin and Dan’s relationship is based on the fact that they’re both two crazy alcoholics who drink themselves into oblivion.” Not exactly the sort of toast you’d want to hear at your (presumably open-bar) wedding, is it?

And then, of course, Derek weighed in with his own equally nonjudgmental musings, pointing out “When Robin drinks, she’s just a headcase. That’s what alcohol does.” Indeed!

So listen up, kiddies. It’s like that great 20th century philosopher Homer Simpson once said: “To alcohol. The cause of –and solution to –all of life’s problems.”

Hear, hear! Now, in the words of another modern-day Nietzsche, whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?