Since you only turn 16 once, you’ll need to make it count! And because we’ve seen every episode of every season of My Super Sweet 16 (in some cases, twice!) we figured it was time to give you the benefit of our infinite party-throwing wisdom. Our five best tips, below.

Refuse to compromise on anything whatsoever. If you want 4 designer dresses, a pony, a celebrity performer, a $100K venue and a full fireworks display, don’t sell yourself short. After all, you’re worth it! Just stay firm, stick to your guns, and shoot your parents out-of-control death glares whenever they dare question your impeccable judgment. (Also, if your parents are divorced, take advantage by saying things like “Really? Daddy’s new girlfriend lets me wear whatever I want. Ooh! Did I mention we’re the exact same size??”)

Be prepared to spontaneously burst into tears if any of your infinite demands are not met. This includes failure to send out the invitations on time, incompetent security detail (and/or infiltration of the ugly/less popular kids) maxed out credit cards, the realization that your six-figure couture gown is totally fug, and being forced to experience the unforgivable public humiliation of receiving last year’s Escalade.

Subject prospective dancers to an extremely long and unnecessarily dehumanizing audition process. Ideally, you’ll want to stretch the whole audition into multiple rounds (with callbacks!) and find loud and inappropriate ways to break the bad news to the dancers you don’t pick. This includes ordering the male dancers to take off their shirts and laughing mercilessly at the scrawny ones (while screaming “NEXT!”) and immediately nixing any females with discernible amounts of backfat.

Find a nemesis and go completely over-the-top in your efforts to outdo her. So Janey whatsherface is having Fall Out Boy perform at her party? So frickin’ what! Your big entrance alone will have her crying for days. Not is Pete Wentz gonna carry you over the threshold — he’s also gonna tell everyone how much hotter you are than Miss Maternity Wear, Ashlee Simpson. And who cares if your parents have to take out a second mortgage on the house to pay for all this?? YOU TOTALLY JUST WON.

Find a not-particularly-attractive boy at your high school to obsess over. Single? Well, why not take this opportunity to tell your best guy friend (or, better yet, some dude you’ve never even spoken to!) that you’re head over heels in love with him. No pressure, obvs, it’s not like the whole thing is on tv. Besides, of course he’ll say yes. Who wouldn’t want to date you? You’re fabulous! Also, his friend told your BFF’s older brother that he’s, like, the biggest Pete Wentz fan ever. Plus, you heard Janey’s totally into him. (Take that, beeyotch!)

+ Got any tips of your own? Let us know what we left out!