• Despite mastering Audrina's wayward stare, actress Charlize Theron says she can't wrap her pretty blonde head around the whole Hills phenom: "I think the girls are beautiful and when they cry their mascara runs and that's real, but I don't get it!" (MTV News)
• Dancing with the Stars premiered last night! Find out who was a stud (i.e. former N*SYNC-er Lance Bass!) and who was a dud (i.e. the corneally-impaired Jeffrey Ross). Yay, voyeurism! (Usmagazine.com)
• Also: learn more about quirky, 82 year-old Oscar-winner (and DWTS contestant) Cloris Leachman and her various old-person afflictions! (TV Watch)
• Introducing....Michael Phelps as Dr. McSwimmy! Yeah, we're not laughing, either. (Mollygood)
• Despite being boring, Dylan McKay-less and prone to triggering eating disorders, the 90210 spinoff has just been picked up for an entire season. Let the slow-moving plotlines and shameless overacting continue! (E! Online)
• Ever wanted to see what Project Runway judge Nina Garcia's face would like if it were "swelled up like a cauliflower?" Well, today's your lucky day! (Scandalist)