Tila Tequila isn't exactly what one would call lucky in love. After two seasons of Shot at Love, Tila ended up with two failed relationships, one broken heart and a gazillion reasons to throw in the towel. Naturally, we couldn't help but wonder what went wrong.
Was this just the universe's way of telling Tila she was inherently unlovable? Was she destined to live a life of chronic singledom and end up impoverished and alone, like some sort of modern-day/bisexual Lily Bart? Or was she just a lousy judge of character -- you know, one of those people who can't tell a good apple from one that's icky, commitment-phobic and rotten to the core?
Turns out, it was the latter. Our proof? Tila's recent disclosure of her dream BFF: Ms. Amy Winehouse.
"I wish Amy Winehouse was here — I really want to be friends with her," Tequila told reporters at the 2008 MTV VMAs on Sunday. "I really want to hang out with her here in Hollywood."
But perhaps Tila's only trying to reach out to poor Amy? Yes, of course! Under Tila's careful tutelage, Amy could, potentially, be convinced to get her life back on track. You know, quit drinking, ditch the beehive (and the incarcerated hubby) and possibly even start walking in straight line!
"Oh no — I don’t want to help her," Tila clarified. "I want to join her."
Um, join her in what, exactly? Committing hair suicide, subsiding on a Jack Daniels-only diet and wearing half your body weight in coal-black eyeliner??
Listen up, Tila. Not to sound too much like the neurotic/overbearing Jewish mother you never had, but if you think hanging out with Amy Winehouse is a good time, it's no wonder your relationship barometer is all out of whack. (C'mon, what could she possibly add to your inner circle? We both know you already HAVE stripper friends.)
Look, this Courtenay Semel person could have definite girlfriend potential (Plus, she's kinda cute, in a Sarah Silverman sorta way!) but you need to start going into these things with your eyes wide open. Because if your fictional taste in friends -- and actual taste in women -- is any indication, this girl could be just another “fake-a**-b*tch.”
Keep this up and, before you know it, you'll wake up one day and you'll be a 41-year-old tattooed lady, living in a cramped, studio apartment with zero romantic prospects and an ungodly number of cats.
And the only thing sadder than waking up to the smell of cat piss in the morning? Looking back on your life and regretting that you didn't pick the gym teacher with the robotic jaw.
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