On tonight's premiere episode of Exiled, you watched ex-Super Sweet 16-er, Amanda, tough it out with an African tribe. What you didn't see? Amanda kept a daily journal throughout her journey, jotting down her deepest -- and sometimes darkest --thoughts about the experience. Read the diary entries below to get an inside look at what Amanda endured and ultimately learned about herself.
THE NIGHT OF THE INTERVENTION
So I found out I’m leaving for Africa tomorrow. I have a million thoughts running through my head. Like, am I gonna have air conditioning? Will there be a bathroom? Can I shower? I’m really worried about the eating situation. Will it be nasty? I feel like I’m going to get there and see elephants and lions and other wild animals running around. I really hope I can do this...
TRAVELING
Today I left Ocala and flew to Africa. It was an extremely long and boring flight and I didn't get to Nairobi until around 7pm. As soon as I got there I felt completely out of place, and suddenly it sank in that this is for real. I'm nervous and scared because I have no idea what’s in store for me. I think the hardest part so far has been being away from my family. I miss them more than words can explain. It’s scary to know that if something were to go wrong, I don’t have them here with me.
I had my first meal at the hotel in Nairobi and didn't care much for it. I’m so scared to eat or drink anything because I’m afraid of getting sick. I hope that I just become more comfortable with everything and try to enjoy this. But as of right now I still don’t know where I’m going to be living, what I’m going to be doing, so I’m just emotional. Hopefully things will get better.
DAY 1
Last night I got to the village and was an emotional wreck. All I could think about was home. I miss my family so much and don't want to stay here with people I don’t know.
It was a complete culture shock right as I entered the village. I was feeling so out of my element. Everyone just kind of stared and didn’t talk much to me.
When I found out I was going to Africa I tried to expect the worst, but I think living this way is even worse than I could imagine. It sucks not having electricity and sweating all day long, doing chores, taking mile walks just to do something simple. I hate it. It’s not somewhere I’d ever want to come back to. It’s completely boring. You either work, or sit in the sun and sweat to death. You feel so dirty and grimy -- it’s unbearable. I thought that having a job in America sucked, but this tops all of it. I just want to go home. I don’t feel like having dirt in my eyes and mouth, milking cows, standing in cow poop all day, and worst of all, sweating and being around bugs. I’m ready to fly back home.
DAY 2
Yesterday evening I had to help Josephine patch the hut, which is made up of cow poop. I told her I didn’t want to touch the dung without gloves because I thought it was gross and not sanitary. She got kind of offended so both of us decided to try and explain our reasons for learning about each other's cultures. I came a long way to Africa to experience this lifestyle, but I will still stand up for my beliefs and speak my mind.
Another thing that happened last night was the invitation ceremony. I was completely surprised by it. Josephine’s parents explained that I would now be part of the family, but I had to pass tests first. When I woke up today, the tests began. The beginning part was slaughtering an animal, which was extremely hard to watch. They killed it then cut it up, pulled out all the intestines and poop was falling out everywhere. It was really gross. They also drank the blood from the animal. I think that whole experience made me a vegetarian. I just thought it was so abnormal for them to do things like that. And it really bothered me that they laughed when I was grossed out and didn’t want to do something. I told them yesterday that I didn’t want to be around this kind of stuff, and today at the slaughtering they just kept putting poop around me. It really got under my skin and pissed me off. So I said something to Josephine about it and I guess that’s just their lifestyle. But it still aggravates me the crap out of me. I just wish they would respect my lifestyle as I do theirs. It’s not only me learning, it should be the both of us... so when I don’t want to do something, I don’t think she should judge me for it.
DAY 3
I’m so hot and sick of these bugs right now. They’re pissing me off. I’m sweaty, dirty and want to shower so damn bad right now. I have ticks crawling on me, dirt up my nose, feet, hair, whole damn body. YUCK!
DAY 4
As weird as it is for me to be here, they think it’s weird that I’m here, too. I'm starting to realize that I should just live this experience up -- learn from them and also teach them things. So last night, while we sat around the fire and danced and sang, I showed them my music and how Americans dance. We all had so much fun, it’s like it was the first time that we actually bonded together. It was also my first time here really stepping out of my boundaries and just doing things that I wouldn’t normally do. I was earning their respect and it felt really good.
Part of today's ceremony for becoming a woman was to dress up and dance with everyone. It's a crazy dance but traditional. They judge the dancing, and if you do well enough, you receive a Maasai name (though that still doesn’t necessarily mean it could be a good name). It depends on how well you performed your tasks.
I thought I did pretty good on my tests -- I had some trouble in the beginning, but I still pulled through.
DAY 5
Today was the big day: the naming ceremony. Josephine put Maasai clothing and jewelry on me. When I was getting ready I was so nervous, I didn’t know if I’d even get a name, or a good one at that.
I walked to the top of the pasture -- all the elders were up there and it was all eyes on me. I was so excited, but nervous at the same time. Papa Josephine stood up and gave me his blessings. He also started talking about how I normally never cooked and just sat around all day, but he said now it was time to grow and be responsible. It was really weird because it was like he knew me. When Papa Josephine was up there talking to me, he reminded me of my father because they’re both really powerful and well known and people look up to them.
After the blessings they chose a name for me: Nadupui. It means very lucky, and someone who is becoming awake and aware and responsible. I was so happy that I received a good name. I thought it fit me to a T. I had prayed for an experience to help me grow, and I was blessed with this trip. It felt good to have a Maasai name because I worked for it and thought I earned it.
LAST DAY
When I first got to the village I was shocked. Like, why would people want to live like this? There's no electricity, you have to worry all the time about food and water, and everyone lives in little huts. I thought there was no way in heck I would survive. I hated it and only could think about going home. But I sucked it up and did what I was supposed to do and learned about their culture.
They could jump up and move to the city with water and electricity, but they respect their culture and want to maintain their tradition. They’re proud of living this way. Here, it’s all about respect and family. You don’t have to worry about paying bills or looking good or being judged.
I don’t necessarily want to live this way, but now I understand that life isn’t all about money, image, and drama. It’s about family, respect, and love. Coming to Africa and learning about their culture made me realize it’s OK to be different and let down your guard. You should learn from others and accept all people the way they are. I now know that I am strong and I can do things that aren’t really my style and overcome any obstacles. I didn’t have to do my makeup and I could get dirty and not even care. I feel like I’ve grown up and matured from this experience, and I am thankful my dad sent me. Still, I’m so damn happy to be on my way home so I can go back to my lifestyle of actually showering and watching TV and doing what I want to do. In the end, yeah, I feel like I’ve learned a lot and it was OK staying here, but I’m ready to live my regular life again. I missed my family, but now I know that I can do things on my own and not have to depend on my dad for everything.
HOME AGAIN
I’m finally home and it feels so good to be with my family again! I had a great time during the trip. It was a little ruff in the beginning and I had such a negative attitude, but I made it through and everything was so much fun from then on out. The experience really gave me a better outlook on life. I feel more mature, responsible, and more respectful of others. The Maasais taught me to work hard and you'll be rewarded with a feeling that no one can take away from you. There's a sense of accomplishment from seeing the progress I’ve made. Overall the trip was amazing. I learned things that I would never have imagined and was given motivation to succeed in life as an adult.
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