The Meat: Buh-Bye Uncle Big

I’m sad to report that Meaty will be taking an indefinite vacay from writing his weekly reports. It’s not just that Rob and Big is over for the season — Meaty is devastated his uncle Big has moved out of the house and can do nothing but sleep, scowl, and mope. In other words, not much has changed… Meaty is just milking this breakup for all it’s worth.

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What up dawgs? So now you know Big’s secret — not only does he have a girlfriend (who isn’t Rob), but he has a baby. I think it’s kinda messed up Big waited ’til the kid was almost cooked before he shared the news, but she turned out pretty cute. I’m happy for him, I guess — technically I’m Rob’s bitch, and it was time for Big to get his own. Thing is, ever since the fay boy packed up, Rob’s been slobbering all over me. I miss my “me” time. So, I’m planning a stealth runaway mission. After I dose Rob’s Monster drink tonight, I’m outta here for a week or so. Don’t worry: I’ll leave a note saying I just needed some space and I’ll be back after I’ve sowed some oats. Some things, like taking a road trip and trying Peyote for the first time, you gotta do without your dad.