On tonight’s double-feature episodes of The Hills, all your latest, burning questions will be answered:

Will Lauren bitch-slap Brody for getting a new gf?
Will Brody forgive Lauren for… oh wait, he’s the one who screwed up.
Who will win custody of the 50″ TV: Spencer or Heidi?
Does a scarier boss than Lisa Love exist?
How far can Stephanie tuck her tail between her legs?

Heidi M. took top honors in a recent Usmagazine.com poll that asked, “Which celeb designer has the best style?” She beat out LC, Ashlee Simpson, and Nicole Richie.

Of the total 894,140 votes, Heidi snagged 486,289. Spencer voted 485,000 times.

Only three days left ’til the premiere of MTV’s new series, Rock the Cradle (Thursday @10pm EST)! Nine superstar offspring, including Bobby Brown’s son and Hammer’s daughter, will take part in a singing competition to see if DNA equals destiny. Think American Idol meets True Life.

My inside source on the set tells me the staff is scurrying to get all the construction work done in time. The pics below give you a little glimpse of how things are coming along. Still lots to do — they’re building a stage, rehearsal room, and after-party lounge.

Check back tomorrow for more pics and inside info! Rock on.

When ravaging your man with two other women, be sure to mark your territory. Start with the feet, so he can’t run away. Look as though you’ve never tasted anything quite so scrumptious as his big, throbbing, ingrown toenail. Spit, don’t swallow.

After last night’s ABDC finale, MTV’s Tim Kash spent some QT backstage with all the dance crews — and they were more than willing to dish…

Watch the video below to hear straight from the mouth of Mouse why he really thinks Enigma got the boot. It’s scandalicious!

Also, listen to BreakSk8 talk about the flack they got for growing up on roller-skates.

Pics of Audrina getting a ginormous tattoo with Chinese lettering on her forearm are making their way around the Web; but the word on the street is that the tat’s a fake. We know for sure this one on her neck is the real deal — so, should she quit while she’s ahead or keep adding ink to her body? I vote for a portrait of Heidi and Spencer over her heart. Awww.

From Lauren’s lips to the Movie Gods’ ears… watch the video below to hear LC’s reaction when asked by MTV News if The Hills might hit the big screen.

Would you pay 12 bucks to catch LC, Lo, and Audrina farting around in their living room? Perez polled his readers and only 32% said yes. But they didn’t know what I do… In the movie version, LC is carrying Spencer’s baby!

Like you didn’t know.

JABBAWOCKEEEEEEEEZ!

Out of an astonishing 38 million votes, the jibba-jabbas stole the majority and walked away with 100K. It was a rockin party – crews representing different regions squared off, Shane Sparks told the audience to bug off, and Lil Mama got her rocks off (hellooooo rhinestones!).

For the final number, America’s Best Dance Crew ditched the masks and boogied underneath a free fall of confetti. And for a moment, all was right in the world.

Click here for info on how you can audition this summer for America’s Next Dance Crew: Season 2!

MTV isn’t wasting a second with the audition process for America’s Best Dance Crew Season 2. Time to retool your Chinese Typewriters and get with the program. To find out when ABDC will be in your hood and get your application info, click here.

The Gays at LOGOonline have MUCH to say about The Hills… and why not do it on camera, MTV-confessional style? Check out their weekly video blog, “The (New) Heidi Chronicles”, and see why they worship Whitney, are hatin’ on Heidi, and love the new, “horny” LC. You really shouldn’t form any opinions of your own until you get the gay take — they know their stuff, girls.