Last week’s episode of Pageant Place can pretty much be summed up in 4 words: Katie and Josh, over. Katie flew to Pasadena to crown the new Miss Teen USA, and she starts the new phase of her career by dropping approximately 180 pounds of bad attitude, disrespect, and insensitivity. I would be happy for her, were I not so convinced that she’s going to eventually take him back.

Hollywood! Tara, Rachel, and Riyo fly to L.A. to support Katie as she passes on her crown to the next Miss Teen USA, i.e. the new roommate at Pageant Place. Katie is laying on the floor thinking about her fight with Josh the day earlier when he said he wasn’t coming to Pasadena. The queens arrive, but Katie refuses to tell them about Josh. Rachel and Tara hate Josh, and Katie doesn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were right. They ask Katie to hand over her key to Pageant Place, and she starts to cry. When they leave for the pageant, she bids them farewell. “I expect to see you all beautiful and cheering for me.” Which is all any of us can ask of our friends.

The Miss Teen USA pageant has a party crasher: an annoying, patronizing party crasher with thick eyebrows (Sorry, I love Joan Crawford’s eyebrows, but I hate Josh and thus I hate his eyebrows). Katie meets him in the stairwell. She’s surprised that he came, and ….UG, she APOLOGIZES to him for saying that all the tension and pressure of being Miss Teen USA builds up and she directs it at him. I KNEW she’d take him back. I’m so mad I can barely keep typing. This is such crap.

Katie is made up for the pageant and looks beautiful in her violet dress. The pageant begins and Mario Lopez - Saved By the Bell’s A.C. Slater – is the host. Before walking onto the stage, Katie looks in the mirror and starts crying. It reminds me a lot of this. Once onstage, Slater asks her what it’s like to live in the same apartment as Miss USA and Miss Universe. “Just as you imagine: pillow fights every night. Just kidding, they’re my best friends.” I know that sounds like a standard pageant answer, but I think she was serious. Depressing.

The Miss Teen USA contestants are all very pretty, and Miss Teen South Carolina is called to be in the final five. Josh thinks she has the competition in the bag. Next are the questions. I’m not going to waste any more space typing out what happens next to Miss Teen South Carolina. Please, view it yourself; you will be speechless. Everyone is laughing at her, especially Rachel, which is odd considering the big fall that she had in her Miss Universe competition. Plus, I’m sure if Rachel she’d give some moralistic speech about respect and empathy if she caught anyone else laughing. I really don’t like Rachel. Miss Teen Colorado answers her question with flying colors, saying Paris Hilton and her ilk aren’t her role models. That comment got the green room filled with Miss Teen USA pageant losers excited. Why don’t we get to see more of the Miss Teen losers? That room is a powder keg of sashes, eye-liner and unfulfilled dreams.

Riyo is sad that she has to say goodbye to Katie, since they got really close these last few weeks. It’s sad that we don’t know anything about their relationship, as producers apparently think that Riyo doesn’t make good reality TV. I hope MTV decides to post all that unused Riyo footage. Miss Teen Colorado Hilary Cruz is the new Miss Teen USA. She’s cute. Let’s look at her bio. (She wants to be a journalist. Hey Hil, word of advice, start blogging). It’s sad to see the passing of the guards at the pageant. It’s like Katie is erased from everyone’s memories and now Hilary is the new toast of the town. Katie goes back to her apartment with Josh and cries into his arms.

The next day Hilary leaves her parents for the first time. She’s so young! Back at the hotel Katie and Josh are packing, and Josh is making a mess because he knows that room service will clean it. I hope one day he meets a low-wage hotel cleaner whose life is made even harder by jerks like him. Where is Katie packing to go after the competition, you ask? Sugar Land, Texas. Doesn’t that sound like the name of a brothel? She and Josh go to see Josh’s family, who all look like variations on Josh. It’s creepy; it’s like Village of the Damned. Katie and Josh talk about how they fight a lot, but they know that 90% of their fights would be resolved if distance wasn’t an issue. I think they should test that theory, because I think there might be some holes in it.

Hilary is excited receive her key to Pageant Place. The next day she has media event after media event after media event and everyone has the same question: what’s up with Miss Teen South Carolina? Hilary responds with ease and poise, saying that she hopes it’s a learning experience and that she’s happy that there is an opportunity for redemption. Hilary is not so diplomatic the next day when So-Car steals her thunder by stealing her thunder at interviews. In fact, at the people.com interview Hilary isn’t even asked a question. Back at Pageant Place, Hilary is still upset about So-Car. She’s in a new city, living with people she doesn’t know, and trying to understand her role as Miss Teen USA. “I’m done dealing with it.” You know what Hil, me to.