Last week Tila Tequila confessed her bisexuality to the boys and girls. Most took it in stride, but my indecipherable little sphinx, Lala, was so offended that she had to walk off the show. Good girl. Tila continues to break hearts, as stylish Grace, quiet Steffanie, virginal Eddie, and crazy Marcus with dolphin laugh have their shots at love killed. This week the remaining 9 boys and 8 lesbians move into Tila’s crib. Quick question: where were they sleeping before?“We both like pu**y so it’s going to be awesome!” jokes Rob about moving in with the ladies.

TT meets the crowd at the bottom of the staircase and has them turn in their keys to her. From now on they have to earn their keys and the right to stay in her crib. She then gives them the house rules. Rule #1: “No hooking up when I’m not around.” And well, that was the only house rule. With 17 people living in one house, I would imagine TT set up a cleaning chart and a rule for the men to put the toilet seat down.

TT says they’re going to have a slumber party, and she sends the group up to their bedroom. No, that wasn’t a typo. 9 boys and 8 lesbians are going to share one very large bed and one very large blanket. To their credit, the group takes it in stride and doesn’t seem too upset. However, Vanessa warns that if she feels morning wood, then she’s prepared to use her giant silver stiletto like Bridget Fonda in Single White Female except in a different hole.

The group start having a big pillow fight, and Vanessa wedgies Domenico. Great! The more punishment to Dom, the better. Also, he needs to incinerate his “Vagitarian” tee shirt. TT comes into the bedroom in a blue teddy with a bottle of Skyy vodka to play spin the bottle “Tila Tequila style,” which is basically just truth or dare. The last time I played spin the bottle TT style, someone chose “truth” and I asked her to spend 1 minute telling me how beautiful I am. True story; but sadly she ran out of things to say before the minute was up.

First up is Bobby, who has to deep throat the bottle like Madonna did in Truth or Dare. He licks it like a real pro and all of a sudden I think back to virginal-but-probably-gay Eddie. Ryan is next, and he has to put on Krystal’s lingerie. Even though he has a hot body, it’s disturbing seeing him in her thong with his junk popping out on all sides. Dom has the futile challenge of turning Brandi on, which is basically just him dancing over her and threatening to put his privates on her face. Ashley is dared to kiss Michael, and Michael reassures us and himself that he’s not gay. Also, did the girls not have to do anything? I venture to say that the girls picked truth out of fear of what a room full of boys would dare them to do.

After the game TT has one more secret for the group. Rob is worried that TT might have a penis, but it’s nothing that scandalous - there’s a secret strip room in the house. They all go down and start to party. Vanessa used to be a pole dancer, so she knows how to work a pole. She jumps up and does pretty well, until she slips and falls. I hope she learned a valuable lesson about showing off.

TT takes this opportunity to have some one-on-one time with the boys and girls. She picks Rebecca first, who as we remember comforted TT in her time of bisexual need, and they start to kiss until Domenico walks over and ruins the moment.

Next it’s Steven’s turn for a sit-down session with TT, but now his time is interrupted by Michael. Michael is sick of his “mama’s boy” label so this was his chance to wave his thingy around to show he’s a man. TT is legitimately fond of Michael, despite the fact that he lives with his mom, works at a pizza joint, and rides his bike to work. She likes his honesty, and I think his mama-boy-ed-ness brings out her own maternal instincts. She lets him have a kiss, and he gives her a big peck.

Trouble is brewing in the other room. Some shenanigans are taking place, mostly caused by Rebecca…Rebecca, you know, the trustworthy one. She and Brandi make out, and she totally flirts with Steven.

It’s bedtime and the gang gets ready for bed in their one bed. Rebecca and Steven continue flirting, and Dom catches them with irregular movements and breathing. Didn’t the Real World teach us that MTV owns night-vision cameras?

The next morning Amanda finds a message in a bottle and reads it. “I’m a big reader!” she laughs. I still really like Amanda. TT has set up a carnival in her backyard. Krystal - who’s had a suspicious amount of face time this episode - was pumped up for the fair and Ashley got downright nostalgic since he sprayed the poop off the elephants at carnivals when he was younger.

The carnival had standard games of Beanbag Toss, Test Your Strength, Darts, and Kissing Booth. During some downtime TT asks them about the sleeping situation, and she learns more than which person snores and whose feet smells. Dom says that a guy and a girl were engaging in adult situations. He uses a blue stuffed animal to show her what Stephen and Rebecca did in bed. TT is laughing because she thinks Dom is hilarious, but she still thinks it’s not cool. “My big fear is that people are hooking up behind my back…I feel vulnerable and alone.’

Stephen looks really guilty, and he walks over to Dom and TT to defend himself, which makes him look even guiltier. Ashley gets involved and says there was just back scratching, and Brandi is called over to give her opinion. She had nothing to add, but she did reveal that she caught Dom staying up all night staring at the group sleeping. Creepy!

TT is confused by the differing stories, so she calls Rebecca over to hear her side of the story. Rebecca, who didn’t know what they were talking about, fessed up to kissing Brandi. Oops! When she’s told what they were talking about it, she casually dismisses it and upholds the great back-scratching thesis posed earlier. TT is not happy with Rebecca, and they talk face-to-face. Rebecca just thinks people are threatened. TT puts her in place: “The only person that should be kissing anyone is me.”

Rob looks over at the developing situation and says what any man says when they witness girls living together. “Pretty soon they’re going to be backstabbing each other.”

Brandi is upset that everyone thinks she’s guilty. “Carnivals are supposed to be fun,” she cries. “This is not the funnest day at the carnival for me.”

TT changes the mood at the carnival away from drama and towards pie…lots of it. They are to take part in a pie eating contest, and the winner gets alone time with TT before elimination. They begin and TT jumps around them singing “Lick my pie! Lick my pie!”

Some of the girls are having trouble. Amanda’s fake eyelashes are falling into the pie, and Vanessa is essentially throwing up pie back into the pie, and then re-eating it. I hope that will be the most disgusting thing I’ll see throughout A Shot at Love because it is seriously nasty.

Not all the girls have trouble, as Dani wins. Yeah! I like Dani; she keeps the butch lesbians of America’s dreams alive. TT sits and chats with Dani, whose face is covered completely in pie. They talk about Dani’s first time kissing a girl and it’s hot. Here it is: Dani and her best friend are hanging out. The friend puts an ice cube in her mouth and asks Dani to take the ice cube. Needless to say, Dani took the cube. TT admits to being more attracted to lipstick lesbians, but she thinks Dani is awesome and so do I!

It’s now time for elimination. Five people are going home, and Steven, Brandi, and Rebecca are scared that it’s them. In the elimination room, Ashli is first to receive a key and a shot at love. She is followed by Bobby, Ryan, Amanda, Vanessa, Dani, Ashley, Sara, Michael, Domenico (Vanessa mocks putting a gun to her head), Steven, and Brandi. Shocking! I guess TT forgave Steven and Brandi for a little slip.

So now we have to say goodbye to Rob, Krystal, Alex, Eric, and Rebecca. Rob and Eric were boring and unmemorable. But I really like Krystal’s enthusiasm and I thought Alex was cute and sincere. Oh well. And as for Rebecca, the best thing I can say about Rebecca is that she was the first lesbian player that I’ve ever seen on MTV.

Next Week is the Bi-athalon. May the better sex win!