Last week Rachel, Katie, and Riyo moved into their new Manhattan apartment. They were told that Tara Conner, the fallen Miss USA, would be joining them and their reactions were less-than-thrilled. Jealousy, defensiveness, insecurity, and apprehension surrounded the apartment as Tara knocked at the door. It’s locked, and Rachel doesn’t seem like she’s going to answer it. Eventually she does, though the episode would have been better if she made Tara climb the fire escape instead.

Tara is nervous about the meeting: she doesn’t want to steal Rachel’s Miss USA thunder as a former titleholder, but also because of that little incident involving Katie ratting on Tara to the Miss Universe Organization about her drug use.

Rachel and Tara embrace as if they were old friends. These pageant queens sure are good at being fake. Riyo is at her computer and blushes when Tara calls her pretty. Can Riyo be anything less than adorable? Tara explains to Riyo and Rachel that she is going to start working in the organization. She doesn’t want to be Miss USA – Rachel doesn’t want her to be Miss USA either – and she will be the girls’ event manager. “Because I’m a pillar of wisdom,” she self deprecatingly says. Is it bad that I would love to have a recovering coke head be my event manager? I bet she’d at least be “high energy.”

Tara, Rachel, and Riyo are sitting on the couch in what appears to be a completely staged conversation. Rachel asks her if her relationship with Katie feels forced (like this conversation?). “It takes way too much energy for me to harvest anger,” Tara says. “She has constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.” Also on the couch we learn that Tara has 9 tattoos, including a crown tattoo on THE INSIDE OF HER MOUTH. Why would she do that to herself? If I had to get a tattoo on the inside of my mouth, it would be a small note to my dentist apologizing for not flossing daily. Yes, I know its important, but I’m busy!

Around the corner, Katie and Josh just left a restaurant that apparently had questionable service and head towards the apartment. Josh is going to meet Riyo. “Is she hot…does she have cans?” OK, I can see what my opinion of Josh is going to be for the remainder of the episode.

Katie comes into the house and gives her best fake beauty queen greeting to Tara. The mood shifts, and Tara comments that there’s a big elephant in the room. I’m assuming she’s talking about the drug scandal and not Josh’s horrible facial hair. Katie tells Tara that she’s so blonde, tan, and skinny. “Everyone’s telling me that I’m skinny right now, and I am the happiest girl,” Tara laughs.

For Josh’s birthday, the queens all go to Rosa Mexicano. For those of you unfamiliar with Rose Mexicano, it’s a high-end Mexican restaurant at Lincoln Center (and the Upper East Side) that makes guacamole at your table and serves pink, frozen pomegranate margaritas. In college, my classmates and I used to sneak out to get a drink, and I can tell you from experience that those margaritas are dangerous. ANYWAY, the last time Tara, Katie, and Josh went there, it was a huge disaster. Katie accused Tara of flirting with Josh, which really hurt her feelings, and then bragged that she was going to hurt Tara in return by calling the Organization. On one hand that’s really bitchy, but on the other hand Tara did have a problem so maybe it was for the best.

At dinner the queens talk about their plans for the future. Tara is going to finish her book and Rachel wants to run a philanthropic organization. The next 5 minutes at the table are painful to watch, because it becomes blatantly obvious that Josh is a tool and that Katie will probably never see it. He puts down Rachel’s interest in philanthropy because it won’t make money (?), he makes fun of Katie’s Miss Teen USA performance, and he makes a spectacle out of ordering a drink in front of Tara. For what it’s worth, you are allowed to drink in front of recovering alcoholics, but you’re a tool if you do this soon after their rehabilitation.

The next day he’s still being rude and gives Katie a hard time about ordering a lot of food the night before. They get to talking about Tara, and he doesn’t think they will ever get along. I agree with him; when these fights happen between friends the damage is usually irreversible. Oh, and I should mention that Katie is plucking his nose hair and massive eyebrows as they talk.

The beauty queens have a photo shoot today. It’s unclear exactly why they have to take photos, but I guess it’s for promotional material. The girls get made up and Riyo’s hair is permed out making her even MORE adorable than before. Katie invited Josh because she wanted him to see what she does for living. Katie is in a bikini and she has a rocking body. Goldfrapp’s “Ooh La La” is playing in the background when she is told that she will be working with a male model. They embrace in front of the cameras and I’m surprised she doesn’t cut herself on his abs.

Of course at that exact moment Josh enters the studio. He’s a little territorial and makes the entire pace uncomfortable. Tara tries to defend Katie, but she is having difficulty convincing him to brush it off.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me,” she pleads with Josh. He says that he’s not mad, but then he has a mild hissy fit about having to witness her with another man. No one in the studio is sympathetic: they think he’s ridiculous for being upset and that she’s ridiculous for letting it affect her. I don’t want her to cry because she’s wearing such heavy eye make up, but cry she does. She is told that there are things she’s going to have to face in this business and she’s going to have to get used it.

Tara and Katie are then asked to model together. The photographer yells to the two former friends, “Pretend you like each other.” Josh leaves unceremoniously.

Next week’s episode better have more Riyo.