When we last left Tila Tequila, she met 16 obnoxious men and 16 awesome lesbians separately in her search for true love. After eliminating 5 of each, she brought together the remaining bachelors and bachelorettes at a pool party where she revealed to them her big secret - Tila is a bisexual. This is going to be good.

The pool party is Tila’s first time coming out as a bisexual and she’s nervous. When the news drops, reactions are mixed: the boys are shocked and the girls roll their eyes at meeting another girl who claims to be a bisexual. I’m surprised the girls aren’t morea appalled. It’s one thing to pull one over on a bunch of gross and grabby men; it’s another to trivialize an orientation that is still prejudiced against in America.

“I am attracted to each of you all for very different reasons,” reassures Tila. I’m still confused what those reasons are for the men. Does she love their “room for growth?” Seriously, these men are terrible.

Let’s take Ashley, an elementary school teacher, who uses a very colorful metaphor when he learns Tila’s bisexual secret: “That was a total ranch in the truck.”

Or let’s compare Ryan with Vanessa. Ryan’s reaction: “Penis? Vagina? Penis Vagina? Hopefully she chooses the penis in my favor.” And now Vanessa: “The women are here for the heart. The men are here for the p*ssy.” We’re really learning a lot about gender on this show and we’re only on the second episode. Women are about heart, men about penis and p*ssy.

Brandi has decided to use her sex appeal (read: boobs) to manipulate the guys, and she vultures in on the weakest man: Speedo-clad, Italian-not-so-stallion Domenico. She comments on his swimsuit, his package, and his “man-scaping,” and makes some valid points about all three. She then starts to cause some drama about his opinions of lesbians, which draws Tila into the mix.

Marcus then pulls her aside to the other end of the pool. He’s going to inspect the crowd for her to make sure everyone is line, because he and Tila are both looking for the same thing. She sets him up by asking what he’s looking for, and he replies, “I’m looking for someone like you: a special someone.” At least we know that he’s not as stupid as his laugh.

And then Domenico comes over to defend his honor, which was sadly not to be as Marcus quickly pushes him to the pull. This brings over Ashley, who we all remember had some words with Marcus the night before, where he continues to have words with Marcus

“Guys are amazing. You’re so much more dramatic than we are,” jokes Steffanie, from the other end of the pool.

Marcus and Ashley try to push each other into the pool, which then starts a typical boy fight. Tila and Domenico run away and the production crew has to break up the fight. Do you remember where even the threat of physical violence got you kicked off MTV’s reality shows? Should I remind you of the Real World “slap heard across the world?” The times sure have changed.

“Kiss my black ass,” screams Marcus. “If you can’t take the heat, get the f*** out of the kitchen.” He then points out that there are 11 beautiful girls, including “TT” and they’re wasting their time fighting. On a side note, my friends call me “TT” too, but my T’s stand for “Terrible Taste.” I will now call Tila “TT” as a sign of solidarity with my favorite bisexual myspace friend.

“Why are guys so stupid all the time?” ask the lesbians and all of MTV’s audience.

Rebecca, always the entrepreneur, came over to Tila during the drama and pulls her aside. “It’s overwhelming for me. I just want everyone to be more understanding,” Tila cries. I can’t tell if she is actually experiencing emotion from coming out as bisexual, or if the fight was just “too real” for her. Rebecca was very understanding, and listened as Tila meditated that being popular sometimes feels even lonelier than being alone. “It was nice to have a shoulder to cry on,” she thanks Rebecca. And then they kiss. If this little encounter is any indication, Rebecca must be very good at her job.

Back at the pool, Bobby is sitting around with Alex. I like these two guys, mostly because they appreciate chilling out. This can’t be said for Lala, who decides to take off out of the house, in heels no less. “Men are so icky and nasty,” she complains. She says more, but I still can’t understand what she’s saying. TT runs after her, but Lala’s mind is set. TT respects Lala’s resolve, and for the first time in the series I understand what she’s saying.

TT goes back to the pool to inform the girls of the new development, with Brandi empathizing that, “We were all bi-curious when we first started.” Some of the girls are still a little freaked out by the men. One in particular, Ashli, needs some alone time with TT to figure it out. Ashli concludes the chat by acknowledging that she would crack off the Ol’ chastity belt for TT.

So Bobby and Alex continue to be my favorite bachelors. Bobby acknowledges that “you can’t control how you feel about about a person” while Alex is respectful of all LGBT people because he dances in gay clubs. This wins him the highest praise that any straight many could receive from a lesbian: “I wish he was gay.”

Ashley too knows gay people. He tells the cameras that “A couple of my girlfriends have been lesbians” and they let him know their sexual identity when they break up. LOL. You just know that claiming to be a lesbian was the only way those girls could end a relationship with him. He’s probably just so stubborn and stupid to take any other kind of subtle cues.

Virgin Eddie comes around to hang out with TT. The lesbians – especially Amanda – think he’s adorable, which he is. In my opinion, good looking virgins are suspicious. Actually, what I mean to say is, I think Eddie might have brought a new orientation to A Shot at Love.

TT brings the men and the lesbians together after the party. There are definitely qualities in men and women that she loves, and she wants each group to show they have both qualities. For the men, that means high heels. Michael admits to having worn heels with his sister when he was a kid. I think Eddie and Michael might want to “be virgins” together.

All the men did so well in the heels – especially Domenico and Ryan - that I think they all might as well “be virgins” in Chelsea or The Castro. Marcus does a back flip and then moons the lesbians. Classy. Ashley stripped down to his tighty whiteys and grosses everyone out. “He tries so hard, and that’s all that matters,” says TT.

After the men found their feminine side, which they didn’t have to look hard to find, the lesbians are asked to give 20 pushups. Immediately the girls get in drill team formation and nail all 20. “Lesbians Unite!” becomes the rallying cry. A lot of the guys think the girls got off easy – which is bullshit – and suggest that maybe they should have tried peeing standing up, which would be easy thanks to this.

After the drill, Marcus slaps Sara on the ass; he must have forgotten that lesbians are still girls and should be treated as such. Sara tells Amanda, and she’s pissed: “Marcus needs to be taken down an notch, and I will.” TT calls him out and he denies it, but then eventually relents and promises to never “slap you on your ta-ta again.”

Now it’s time for everyone to mix it up together in a foam party. The foam party is a magic jump filled with soap suds, and the boys and lesbians go crazy looking for 3 chips that will earn them alone time with TT. “Nothing tops a foam party with 11 lesbians,” says Michael. In the end, Rebecca, Eddie and Eric found the chips.

At the alone time, Eric asks TT whether she’s leaning more toward men or woman; she answers both but is leaning on Rebecca as she says it. TT wants Eddie to open, but he’s shy. She asked him if he’s kissed a woman, and he says “of course!’ and looks down as if he’s lying. I think TT can see straight through him to see something that’s not exactly straight. She asked him for a kiss and HE SAYS NO. She then goes and makes out with Rebecca, but Eric wants to join in. He works as a bouncer in a gay and lesbian club, and I think maybe he should give Eddie the club’s address.

Eric was toning down his humor for TT and just wants to make her laugh. She asks him what he wants to be when he grows up, and without missing a beat he says firefighter - of course being the sexiest job of any man. He is falling for TT. “Hopefully she goes with the cock, instead of the pie,” he says off camera.

It’s voting time, and four people are going to be leaving the competition. Ashley is confident that he stays, Steffanie thinks that not having alone time with TT will hurt her, and Marcus invokes Lala by speaking a lot of gibberish.

“From this point forward there won’t be any more secrets,” Tila says to the congregated group of singles. The survivors tonight will move in with her in the mansion.

First is Eddie, he’s a sweet guy but is approaching 40-Year Virgin territory. Grace is next: she and TT don’t match. Third is Steffanie, who predicted correctly that she would be voted off. We’re thrown for a loop when TT then calls Michael out for being a momma’s boy, and he says he will try to let that go for a while. But that served as a delay for voting Marcus off. “I was so attracted to you, but you’ve been very disrespectful to everyone here.” Everyone seems to be very happy about this decision.

And then there were 9 boys and 8 lesbians. “Get plenty of rest,” TT warns, “cause it’s about to get even crazier.”

Next episode, the boys and lesbians move into the house and find out that there’s one big bed for everyone. Awesome.

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